I am invested in Max and Caroline’s relationship.

While it’s no secret that reviewing 2 Broke Girls is far from my favourite task for the week, I do care about how the show deals with the pair at its core. Strongly in its favour is the fact that the conflict that tends to arise between people of vastly different socioeconomic backgrounds is literally the premise of my favourite Arthur episode. For as much as this CBS sitcom is built on the friendship Max and Caroline share, what actually keeps both it and the narrative moving forward is the two butting heads. That said, what difference arises between the two titular leads this week?

Caroline doesn’t like having fun.

Which, to be fair, is sort of true. A much more accurate statement might be: Caroline doesn’t like having fun compared to Max. Though even then the definition of fun would need to be reduced to general debauchery [drinking, drugs, premarital sex, the sorts of activities your parents didn’t want you doing in your teens]. Having just typed out that stipulation it still doesn’t feel entirely accurate, since just last season we had the former heiress knocking back multiple tiny bottles of hotel liquor. Just trying to lay out the conflict in this episode is proving really difficult and I’m not even 300 words into this review. 

At this point you probably think I’m picking this apart too much, and a part of me agrees with you. The thing is that Caroline’s inability to enjoy herself is spelled out so explicitly in this episode, particularly when she visits her alma mater only to find out that her reputation as “Caroline ‘Buzzkill’ Channing” is still well-known throughout its halls. That’s further hammered home by her self-appointed role at a college party of keeping alcohol out of the hands of minors, halting the enjoyment of the as-of-yet-illegal marijuana, and cock blocking [as well as your preferred female equivalent] every person in sight. At one point Caroline actually says: “I have to go, I hear zippers unzipping.”

There are a number of reasons she might be acting this way. Perhaps returning to a place where she still had it all together is a distinct reminder of a better, more structured time. Maybe the reason for their trip to Wharton, giving a lecture to a business class, is what has her set to Super Responsible mode. Regardless of why, and there are a number of solid options, the episode never properly explains it.

Caroline being so anti-fun leads to Max talking her into joining the college party currently in session. That in turn results in a lot of drunken hijinks, mostly taking place on screen, as well as smooching both the floor’s RA and that RA’s fiance. Everything that happens leads to my other issue with the episode, which is that they eventually resolve things by admitting to a need for balance. Caroline is a successful business school graduate and deserves that, but she also deserves to have fun as well. She even admits, “I really did have fun, Max.” Except she doesn’t remember any of it.

Given every conversation her and Max have about the party it becomes apparent that she has zero recollection of what exactly went down. Not only does she not remember making out with anyone, let alone more than one person. Everything Caroline can recount about the previous evening is relayed through her best friend, so how can she really know whether or not she had a good time? It’s not that I think or expect 2 Broke Girls to be an after school special on the dangers of drinking, just that I wanted more out of Max and Caroline’s relationship than the former getting the latter drunk and everything being cool between them.

Considering how disappointed I am with “And the College Experience” you’d think I would’ve done what I typically do and keep things short and kind of sour. This time around I decided to tap into some of my frustrations, and continue to hope, possibly against hope, that 2 Broke Girls will buck the trend of sitcoms flanderizing its characters more and more with each passing season.

Current Total: $1,845.265

New Total: $2,710.65. I still can’t say with absolutely certainty why this total continues to increase.

The Title Refers To: The girls’ college experience.

Stray Observations:

• I would’ve expected an actual Halloween episode given when this aired, but all we get is The Great Han-dini.
• Han makes a Pokémon GO joke, because apparently it’s July 2016.
• “And they say it’s very important for a dad to bond with his baby.” / “I think that’s only true for human dads.”
• “Caroline Channing’s Dessert Bar? This place isn’t like your sex life, Caroline, you’re not doing it all by yourself.”
• Max using a garbage bag to pack for their trip was a really nice touch.
• “You know what they say: If you remember the parties at Wharton ya weren’t there.” She wasn’t.
• Sophie’s father’s first words to her were: “Next item up for bid!”
• “We need to party. Tonight needs to end with us driving a police car into the fountain on the quad or it is a fail.”
• They did not try very hard to find actors who look like they’re in college.
• “Hey, no random, uncommitted sex here! This is college!” / “I have a computer full of videos that says you’re wrong-“
• “Well, like most people straight out of college I’m at a job I don’t want to be at.”

I’m becoming increasingly more concerned for Barbara Kachinsky Golishevsky. This feature, which hopefully continues past this week, is named after Caroline’s aside to Max, and its purpose is to track Sophie and Oleg’s fitness as parents-

We’ve Got to Get That Kid Out of That House

• Sophie “dipped [Barbara] in perfume” so that “everyone treats little Barbara like Mariah Carey”.

Really not great.

• Sophie asks Oleg to give the baby some space as “her spray tan hasn’t even dried yet.”

Objectively awful.

• Sophie continues to roughly shove the stroller around, much to the audience’s wild laughter.

Clear negligence.

• Sophie keeping Barbara away from Oleg because “fathers aren’t equipped for the job”. 
• Oleg getting a pair of “moobs” so that he can feed his daughter.

Ironically enough, the very reason Caroline utters the words that title this feature is the best example of Sophie and Oleg being good parents. They very clearly want what’s best for Barbara, and in particular this features Oleg identifying his own shortcoming, as it were, and taking steps to amend it. It’s certainly not the way most parents would share childcare duties, but it’s the thought that counts and not what I would consider harmful to the child.

So not only has CBS stopped updating the 2 Broke Girls page on their site with advance stills, but this week I was unable to find any trailers uploaded to YouTube to use in my header image. It’s like they don’t want anyone online to get excited about this show anymore.

Which is actually a darn shame, since this week’s episode was pretty good! Not only did we have some genuine character progression with one of the two leads [it’s always Max, please never put your money on Caroline] but there were some really solid jokes! I’m not even mildly disappointed that the actual events that occurred only barely mirror the synopsis that the Google search up above provided; it would’ve been nice to see Earl take centre stage more, but I enjoyed 2 Broke Girls this Monday, a rare enough occurrence to invalidate most other criticisms.

It’s a surprisingly plot-heavy installment, with two of the threads even tying together. As the header image indicates Earl’s past lover Pilar, who absconded from Cuba to the States, is in town to see the sights. On Max’s end Randy texted her, not a picture of his junk as per uje but letting her know that he has a layover in Newark. While Caroline is over-the-moon excited about a rom-com staple come to life, her best friend is hesitant to make any big moves at the risk of embarrassing herself. Cue, in the last third of the episode, Earl telling Pilar that he’s just not up to it, and the Cuban escapee responding that that’s life: nothing risked, nothing gained.

All the while, just off centre stage, Han and Oleg have their own thing going on. Max has made a disturbingly decadent cake for an Overeater’s Anonymous group’s big cheat day, and the diner owner accidentally drops the aforementioned dessert on the [presumably filthy] kitchen floor. Cue his begging the fry cook for help:

It’s a genuinely funny moment, and it made me realize that 2 Broke Girls may have more mileage in it that I originally thought. While other sitcoms have exhausted unorthodox character pairings long before their sixth season, this show’s tight focus on its leads has kept that to a minimum. Even with the small cast size there are still a number of combinations left to be made, and I hope the writer’s room continues throwing them together to see what sparks.

To return to the Max’s character progression, however, her and Randy end up sealing [or re-sealing] the deal on their relash [that’s pronounced “re’laysh”]. While not huge compared to other romantic gestures, especially given that her trip to the airport was so straightforward, her meeting with him results in a very casual exchange of words.

“I want something more. I want a relationship.”

“I wouldn’t hate that.”

While it’s strange to see her get back to Randy just a few episodes deep given what happened last season finale, it’s that unexpectedness that’s helping to keep the show fresh. It also doesn’t hurt at all that CBS et al. continue to make 2 Broke Girls a place to help those with an iron deficiency get a little beefcake in their diet-

All of the above, on top of how many jokes stuck the landing, actually gave me hope that watching 2 Broke Girls on Monday nights, as well as writing these reviews, might actually be something I genuinely look forward to. And let me tell you, given this US election season any excitement at all is much-needed excitement.

Current Total: $2,710.65

New Total: $3,710.65. I know exactly how they made this money! This was payment to make a cake for that Overeater’s Anonymous cheat day! I guess Max was able to throw another one together off-screen.

The Title Refers To: This took me a while to figure out, since it wasn’t really explicitly spelled out in the episode, but it’s a portmanteau of “rom-com” and “commie”, the latter referring to Pilar who once lived in a Communist state.

Stray Observations:

• Han signs his letters “From the desk of a Jellybean Addict”.
• “I have to use the bathroom again, my prostate changes faster than the lineup of The View.”
• Earl’s last name is Washington! Max had no idea as his license just says “Earl”.
• Pilar manages to recognize him in spite of the fact that she last remembers him as 6’2″ with an afro. That’s love for you-
• “No thanks, if I liked porn I wouldn’t’ve thrown away Sophie and Oleg’s ‘I’m having a baby’ card.”
• Sophie’s trying to make baby Barbara laugh this episode, and it leads to Max trying the ol’ I-got-your-nose trick on Caroline-

Beth Behrs is a pure delight.

• “What if Barbara has no idea what’s funny. Like a Netflix comedy!” [insert quote about living in glass houses]
• “You thought when I first said ‘hi’ to you it meant I wanted you to move in with me for six years.” At this point I’m willing to concede that the timeline is hella borked. [see my previous comments about it in this review]
• re: Han being a notary- “There’s a lot of sides to being a square.”
• I’ll try to remember to take a screenshot later, but there’s a really well-done exchange where Max asks Earl if he needs his walker and then hands him a bottle of whiskey. It’s very good.
• “I guess Crossfit failed me again today.”
• Oleg repeats his nonchalant response to where the cake disappeared to a second time, and extremely quickly. It’s one of the best performances I’ve seen out of Jonathan Kite.
• Sophie still not a great parent: “She’s gettin’ real monster truck rally with that carriage.”
• “Prepare to meet your maker, Han. Which I’m assuming is Mattel.”

While Family Guy has long had this same accusation leveled against it in regards to its predecessor The Simpsons, a similar one arises from time to time with live-action sitcoms. That leads me to our newest, hopefully weekly feature:

Friends Did It First

Max first introduces her cake as being a “maple vanilla rum cake with a raspberry cheesecake filling and a chocolate crumble,” which is fine, and also sounds delicious. Where she really begins to court danger is when she mentions that “also there’s a layer of ham in it,” as well as one of hotdogs.

Even the most casual Friends viewer knows about Rachel’s infamous trifle that appeared in “The One Where Ross Got High”, the ninth episode of the show’s sixth season. Here that is for all of you nice people:

While Max’s creation is clearly intentional and not a mistake, like Rachel’s was, the similarities are starkly apparent. This is a rich, irresistible confection that has its ingredients listed only to have an outlier, meat, come out of nowhere. In Friends it’s it’s beef sauteed with peas and onions, whereas in 2 Broke Girls it’s hot dogs, potatoes, and even “a ham”.

As one last quibble I do want to mention that that’s how Max refers to its inclusion: “also there’s a ham in it.” The entire episode I was intrigued by the idea that she had fit an entire ham into the cake, only to find, once Han drops it on the floor, that it’s just a slice of ham. That’s false advertising at its finest, Ms. Black. That Overeater’s Anonymous group will be very disappointed.

So first thing’s first, and just because it’s the first thing you see when you open up one of these reviews, the header image is very clearly of subpar quality. The best I could find as far as promos was this one video on YouTube which, as you can see, isn’t great. I’ll try to to step it up moving forward but I can only really work with what’s available.

Given that this week’s episode actually fell on my birthday I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Were my expectations made that much lower due to my having to watch and review it when I could be doing almost anything else? Or were they perhaps on the higher end due to last week’s surprisingly decent installment? Regardless of where my expectations actually ended up falling, 2 Broke Girls served up a decent enough episode that more importantly continues to keep things fresh.

The highlight of “And the Rom-Commie” was the decision to pair Oleg and Han together, a coupling that ended up paying off surprising comedic dividends. While I don’t think that Matthew Moy deserves all the credit for how enjoyable the show has been lately, his performance opposite Kat Dennings is what I want to shine a spotlight on this time around. While his cherubic looks and high-pitched voice have more often than not been openly mocked, which in turn helps perpetuate the stereotype of the effete, sexless Asian man, they also end up adding a genuinely funny mischievous quality to his performance in “And the Sophie Doll”. 

I’ve often made note of whenever Han dishes back what the rest of the staff at the Williamsburg Diner are sending his way, but the key difference here is that the battleground has changed. When he spills a hot beverage on Max’s notebook he immediately starts crying out, “It’s okay, it’s okay!” which leads to the following exchange:

“You spilled all over the book how is that okay?

“Because- that was your cocoa. [sips deeply from his own mug] Mmm! How d’ya like your girl Swiss Miss now?”

There’s a number of reasons it lands so well, with one being Moy’s gleefully impish delivery contrasting so well with Dennings’ deadpan snark. Another is that it takes place in the girls’ apartment, meaning that the traditional relationship, as overturned as it normally is, between employer and employee is absent. Both are fine examples of how the show’s reticence to focus on pairs that were not the titular duo has left the writers’ room with a wealth of potential character combinations to play around with, all of which offer a lot of promise. I’m personally looking forward to Caroline and Sophie holding down their own plotline, which is a sentence I never thought I’d find myself writing.

As for what actually happens, as it turns out it never occurred to the Wharton-educated Ms. Channing that when becoming the owner of a drinking establishment it might be a good idea to hire a bartender. Or, at the very least, know how to make cocktails yourself if there’s no budget for additional staff. This leads to her and Max taking a bartending class, which I think is cool because as a now-26-year-old I still have a less than ideal relationship with alcohol. This results in a humorous but expected situation where Max excels and Caroline does not. Also Han gets chicken pox and there’s something about Sophie having a doll with her face on it.

It’s terrifying.

The episode concludes with neither of them passing, due to various shenanigans, but Max becoming a competent enough bartender to handle making more than just Jolly Rancher shots. It’s a definite positive in regards to the overall success of their Dessert Bar, which the premise of the show is based on right now, which is good. That said, even if the focus wasn’t on the overarching narrative I wouldn’t even complain. 2 Broke Girls is probably never going to be a joke that makes me laugh our loud, but these past few weeks it’s been making me smile which is a step in the right direction.

Current Total: $3,710.65

New Total: $3,340.35. It looks like the bartending course for the both of them cost exactly $370.30.

The Title Refers To: Sophie’s creepy-ass doll which I didn’t dedicate almost any of this review to. It’s supposed to be for surveillance, the parenting variety specifically, though it’s used for other purposes throughout. This also the least clever episode title in a very, very long time.

Stray Observations:

• It feels like ages since the last time the cold open featured Max snarking at a customer.
• Han, or “Law & Order: SAD”, scrutinizes a hair found in a diner patron’s food and notes:

“It’s brown, somewhere between coffee and burnt sienna. Cleaned hastily with a combination shampoo/bodywash. This hair belongs to a single White man, alone, and not by choice but so set in his ways.”

• Beth Behrs confirms with this line that she is still an absolute delight: “We’re going to bartending school so we can- and don’t kick me– be the best- no pinching, not my nose!– business we can be!”
• “Welcome to the Dinersburg Williams! Who said that?”
• Their bartending teacher, Gil Bronski, is played by French Stewart which I did not find out on IMDb. Big ups to 2paragraphs for the info.
• He’s also a “former child actor briefly sidelined by a 30 year drug addiction.”
• “I’m gonna nail this test like it’s some guy I met at the grocery store.” Max, do you mean like in Season 4 Episode 2 “And the DJ Face”?
• “You like that, is it hard enough, am I hurting you?” Han’s such a considerate lover back-scratcher.
• What goes in a White lady? “A bottle of Chardonnay and a fat guy that makes her laugh,” apparently.

• In this scene Oleg is making “don’t say anything” motions with his left hand and Jonathan Kite continues to kill it.

• Poland has eight days in their week, the last of which is used “for dredging the lakes.”
• In the final scene a customer orders a mojito and Max already has mint leaves in the bottom of a glass ready to be mulled. That’s either a lot of foresight or laziness on the part of the props dept.

Time in comic books tends to be a very elastic thing, which makes sense given that most titles only release 13 [an appropriate number of monthly issues as well as an annual] issues per year. When it comes to TV shows, however, it can normally be assumed that a season takes place within a calendar year, an assumption that is typically backed up by special holiday episodes.

In this latest feature, which I hope to add to week after week, we’ll be taking a close look at how 2 Broke Girls views its own timeline up to this current season. We’re calling it-

The Life and Time[line]s of Max and Caroline

S6E1: “And the Two Openings: Part One”

• As noted in that review, Caroline sees J. Petto, who first appeared in S2E17 “And the Broken Hip”. She describes that as being “two years and three businesses ago”.

S6E4: “And the Stepmama Drama”

• Caroline tells her best friend: “Max I’ve been waiting six years to hear you say that [she likes her jug].”

S6E6: “And the Rom-Commie”

• Yet another mention of six years with Max saying: “You thought when I first said ‘hi’ to you it meant I wanted you to move in with me for six years.”

S6E7: “And the Sophie Doll”

• Caroline directly states that her phone hasn’t rang in six years, which can’t possibly be true because she’s dated guys in that time. Remember Candy Andy?

While it’s certainly disappointing to have to write, a run of two decent consecutive 2 Broke Girls episodes is really not bad at all. I thoroughly enjoyed “And the Rom-Commie” as well as “And the Sophie Doll”, and even though they weren’t incredible or even the best the show has ever been, their airing one week after the next felt like an encouraging change of pace for the CBS sitcom. It’s unfortunate that in spite of the season’s eighth installment continuing to land successful physical gags and better utilizing their cast neither are enough to prop up a paper-thin plot.

Which doesn’t mean that those two points are unappreciated, by any means. Han is actually the driving force of this episode, and while he’s been the focus in past seasons this week he manages to participate in the joke without necessarily being the butt of it. Also notable is the fact that, besides being POC on ensemble comedies, this is the first connection I’ve ever made between him and Sergeant Terry Jeffords on Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

The clue lies in what he’s holding.

Fans of the FOX sitcom might recognize the above still from “The Oolong Slayer”, the fourth episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s third season, in which Terry becomes briefly [and intensely] addicted to cacao nibs. Han’s into the raw, powdered version himself, but even then I never expected the two to share a weakness, let alone anything else.

The reason for Han’s addiction is that the cacao apparently fuels his creativity and artistic abilities, which are particularly important since he’s entered the U.S. Post Office’s Federal Duck Stamp Contest [yeah, it’s a real thing]. The conflict arises in Max seeing this as being a bad habit for him to get into and Clint, the new bartender at Dessert Bar, being his supplier. His refusal to stop after being told not to leads to Max firing him, and it’s a genuine surprise to everyone involved when she reveals her reasons for doing so [i.e. she cares about Han].

All that boils down to a fairly straightforward plotline we’ve seen many times before, with Max’s affection for her friends being exposed, much to her chagrin. What’s unfortunate is that although Han’s cacao addiction is not short [no pun intended] on physical comedy-

-it’s the B-plot that holds so much potential. See, Caroline essentially headhunted Clint from a nearby bar, and much of that establishment’s clientele ended up following him. This means a pretty significant profit his first night, a height [again, no pun intended] not reached by Max and her “one for you, one for me” policy when it comes to tending bar. It’s by, definition, a pretty successful outcome all things considered. The thing is that Caroline lets that success go straight to her head.

There’s a Filipino proverb I read way back in high school that essentially states that a man coming into a bit of money is generous, whereas a man coming into a lot of money builds a high wall around his house. The gist of it is that wealth changes you, and at the first sign of escaping a life of squalour Caroline’s course of action is to burn as many bridges as possible. It’s the perfect narrative for a sitcom about two young women living just above the poverty line [please don’t tell me they’re below it I will never believe you] and I would have sacrificed the visual of Han frantically rubbing cacao on his gums for it to have taken centre stage. It’s very true to life, and to have there to be little to no fallout [Max is back to bartending, Caroline faces no repercussions for her announcements] is a major disappointment.

As for Sophie, this episode may actually showcase her at her mothering best. She still violently shoves the baby carriage through crowded rooms [“I hope they’re never expecting Barbara to have a short-term memory.”], which I’m horrified elicits any laughter at all out of the audience, but she also realizes that parenting is all about sacrifice. She only has enough time to make either Barbara or herself sexy, and she’s been opting for the former every time, resulting in her not looking her best. Ultimately Max tells her she’s setting a bad example and the status quo is reestablished, but it’s a nice sentiment nonetheless.

All in all “And the Duck Stamp” has some bright spots, but doesn’t take the time on a storyline worth telling. It’s great to see them up their comedic game, but a little more attention to where 2 Broke Girls is headed would be great as well.

Current Total: $3,340.35.

New Total: $4,840.35. This account for the $1,500.00 they made on Clint’s first night tending bar. It does not, however, factor in Max and Caroline’s manicures.

The Title Refers To: The U.S. Post Office’s Federal Duck Stamp Contest, as mentioned above, actually does not compensate winners beyond having their hand-drawn work featured on a new stamp. Sales of the stamp will, however, help raise millions of dollars for conservation efforts.

Stray Observations:

• “Hi, I’m Clint the new bartender. It’s a pleasure for you to meet me.”
• “Why you gotta harsh my buzz?” Just the first of many lines that make Matthew Moy the comedy MVP this week.
• “If this keeps up we’ll be able to watch Hulu without commercials.” I’m not sure what’s changed since but . . .
• “We don’t have grooming money; I’m still cutting my hair with a sword like Mulan.”
• They don’t have “screw-you money” yet, just “enough to be mildly unpleasant.”
• I still can’t wrap my head around this exchange in their laundromat:

“I can’t wait till we don’t have to come here anymore.”
“Then where will we cook our chicken?”

• “Caroline wanted our nails to project success, so-” Max got little Monopoly houses painted on her nails. Monopoly houses are green and her nails are blue, which I also can’t wrap my head around.
• “You better slow down, we’ve only had one good night at the Dessert Bar and you said we have to keep working at the diner until we have at least enough money to be legally poor.”
• Han stayed up all night sketching a duck so . . . his hair is wild?
• “My guy from Columbia guarantees it. Not the country, we went to college together.”
• In response to the chocolate all over Han’s face: “You look like Jonah Hill reading the reviews for War Dogs.”
• Max once made opium out of poppy seed bagels and a La Croix.
• “I come out here to smoke a joint and I walk in on a dug deal? Shame!“
• “Caroline, there are no shortcuts to success, or creating a stamp-worthy Mallard. Life is a slow steady climb to just getting by-“
• Han’s new cacao dealer is a stay-at-home granddad just so they can really double down on the old person jokes.
• Between that guy’s daughter working for Nestle in Toronto and Han making sure the cacao isn’t cut with Nestle Quik there’s a suspicious amount of product placement for a truly terrible company.
• Sophie and Oleg have some pretty great lines about public sex in front of an Amish family, including: “I bet they wish they had a camera for that!”

Going back to Donald Duck’s first appearance in the early 30s, and Daffy Duck’s soon afterwards, waterfowl have long held a place in American comedy TV. That being said, it’s no surprise to see ducks make an appearance in 2 Broke Girls and shouldn’t be if they do again. This feature, which may be a weekly one, is dedicated to everyone’s favourite aquatic bird and titled-

What the Duck!?

Han spends a cacao-fueled night drawing a number of ducks for the U.S. Post Office’s Federal Duck Stamp Contest, and they are, in order:

• the American Wood Duck
• the Harlequin Duck
• the Spot-billed Duck
• a Mallard
• a Mallard
• a Mallard
• a Mallard

Assuming that he’s trying to complete his entry for the 2017 contest the problem is that there are only five eligible species accepted. Those are:

• Mallard
• Gadwall
• Cinnamon teal
• Blue-winged teal
• Harlequin duck

As you can see only two of the birds, the Mallard and the Harlequin Duck, make the list. My best assumption is that Han knew what ducks were and weren’t eligible, and chose to illustrate the Spot-billed and Wood ducks as a means of practicing his craft.

Also worth mentioning is that this year’s winner was actually a Canada Goose! In fact all three winners featured geese, with first and third place being Canada Geese and second being snagged by a Brant. You have to feel bad for the Northern Shoveler, Red-breasted Merganser, and Steller’s Eider, it looks like geese were the it-birds for 2016!

There are many things I expect from 2 Broke Girls. Off-colour humour and painfully bad puns number among them, of course, and as of this season solid jokes/gags as well. What I don’t tune into this CBS sitcom for, however, is a strong theme that is heavily featured throughout an episode. All that said, “And the About FaceTime” was a pleasant surprise, especially after having taken last week off.

A fairly successful cold open kicks things off, with the gang trapped inside the Williamsburg Diner due to aggressive canvassers blocking off both exits. Nobody wants to be confronted by the unnervingly gleeful young people, and it’s that same procrastination and fear of facing things head-on that will be experienced and dealt with by various members of the cast moving forward.

For Oleg it’s putting off selling his beloved Toyota Yaris, as Sophie wants them to become a minivan-owning family. For Caroline it’s the fact that she hasn’t had sex in two straight years, the implication being that she’s been too preoccupied with her business and the rest of her life to give it any attention. For Oleg it’s death [wow, making old people jokes really is that easy]. When it comes to Max, however, it’s not made explicitly clear until over halfway through the episode.

Randy makes a reappearance after two episodes away, though solely through the screen of Max’s iPad. They’re still making the long-distance thing work, which makes sense since it was almost exactly a month ago that they decided to get back together. In order to turn their tricycle into a/an [insert your four-wheeled vehicle of choice here] Randy snags Caroline a date with his co-worker Tyler. It’s his introduction that acts as a catalyst for whatever it is that Max and Randy have going on.

On one hand, seeing the forming Channing heiress get physical with the former star of Nickelodeon’s Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide- 

Thanks, 2paragraphs, I had a strong suspicion but you confirmed it.

-is understandably difficult for Max. She misses actually being able to touch her boyfriend, and sexting only gets you so far [no pun intended]. Following up on that is Randy flaking on their date, which leads her to cock blocking Tyler and [the-female-equivalent-of-cock-blocking] Caroline. In his frustration The-Child-Star-Formerly-Known-As-Ned drops a bomb, asking her “what do you expect?”

See, Randy and Max broke up in the Season 6 premiere because neither of them was willing to move for the other. Tyler spells that out, indicating that if neither of them were willing to make the big step it can’t be something they consider very important. After a very brief phone call Max breaks things off for the second time in under a dozen episodes.

While things could have been seeded better in the weeks leading up to this one, just as far as a certain level of dissatisfaction in their relationship, the conclusion was an impactful one. Better couples have kept things going in-person for much less, and the realization that they never should’ve gotten this far is something I can deeply relate to.

In the end Caroline never seals the deal, which maintains the longstanding status quo, and Max is once again single. It’s an interesting place to leave things, especially so close to the midseason finale, but as with most things it’s satisfying because it was done well. To reiterate, episodes with a strong theme are not at all something I expect from 2 Broke Girls, but if there are more down the pipeline I’m certainly not complaining.

Oh, also there were parts that I thought were funny which are listed, as usual, down below.

Current Total: $4,840.35.

New Total: $5,821.62. No clue, sorry.

The Title Refers To: FaceTime is a popular video calling app for smartphones and tablet. The term “about time” implies that something was a long time coming, and “about face” refers to turning around, but I’m not sure which was intended in this case.

Stray Observations

• Causes the canvassers might be raising money for: “OCD pandas or owls who say ‘whom’.”
• “Rest in peace, Earl. Taken seconds before his time.”
• “Don’t worry, everything’s okay. Unless you’re the North American Honeybee.”
• Caroline’s perfect match: “a gay guy who doesn’t mind loud chewing”

“Oleg, did you really think you could pass this off as you? You don’t wear glasses!”

• “Are these prices, ’cause they’re all two numbers-“
• Caroline and Tyler say Spanish words with a lisp.
• Max talks about not having more than one plate in the same episode she complains about not liking the taste of fennel.
• Every instance of Caroline talking about sex is a gem:

“break off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar” sexually

“I’m gonna have sex tonight, if you know what I mean.”

“Hey, Randy, I can’t hear you I’m going through a tunnel!” / “I wish.”

• After Sophie violently shoves her stroller down the stairs she says “Baby Barbara loves that,” followed by a shot of the laughing infant. I guess it’s fine then.
• “That car was magic. And now the only tail my Yaris will ever see belongs to a lasagna-eating cat!” I wish I could communicate just how much Jonathan Kite nails that line.
• “Max please don’t threaten my date, he’s not a kid with a McFlurry!”
• “I need to be alone. Maybe I’ll go to a taping of Carson Daly.”
• The diner has a betting pool on Caroline having sex and Sophie actively prevents that from happening, which is not how betting pools work.
• The episode closes with Han running the metaphorical bases in Oleg’s old Yaris with some pretty young blonde. They don’t make as big a deal out of this as I thought they might.

For a number of years now I’ve wondered how many of the jokes on 2 Broke Girls, especially the ones referencing pedophilia and sexual assault or abuse, have been able to make it onto the air. Every now and then, however, I find myself asking if something can be shown. This week our newest feature, and one that will likely be returning, is called-

Can She Do That?

“And the About FaceTime” brought that question to mind just a couple of minutes into the episode, when I saw the following take place:

Immediately my mind jumped to the fact that you’re not allowed to show people drinking alcohol on television, but there’s no way that could possibly be true, right? After all, we can all think back to at least one instance of a character sipping at a hard beverage on-screen. With that in mind, perhaps it’s just shows on basic cable?

A writeup on Adweek revealed that it’s actually more complicated than that. In America, where 2 Broke Girls is produced and aired, does not have any laws in place that might limit alcohol marketing, ie. beer commercials and the like. That said there was once a Code of Practices for Television Broadcasters that was enacted in 1951, which prohibited:

“prohibited the use of profanity, the negative portrayal of family life, irreverence for God and religion, illicit sex, drunkenness and addiction, presentation of cruelty, detailed techniques of crime, the use of horror for its own sake, and the negative portrayal of law enforcement officials, among others”

While the code was suspended in 1983 it turns out that many broadcast networks tend to stick to much of its contents, in particular to the consumption of alcoholic beverages on-screen. With that in mind, it’s pretty safe to say that 2 Broke Girls already portrays the vast majority of the items listed above on a regular basis, so what’s adding one more to the list?

First thing’s first, let me just say that I love the title of this episode. It’s just such a ridiculously simplistic play on words, but one that suggests at a number of entertaining possibilities. Or, at the very least, everyone’s favourite song by the appropriately named Weather Girls. That said , it’s with great sadness that I must reveal that “And the Himmicane” does not live up to those hints at greatness.

For one thing, there are absolutely no references to it precipitating male individuals. There’s also no plot that revolves around what’s a very fitting male alternative to “bridezilla”, a man whose very presence is a force of nature. No, the focus of this particular episode is Max’s relationship with Randy. And an actual hurricane as well, I guess.

Given that Christmas movies, both big budget and a step above home productions, have started to creep across our television screens having 2 Broke Girls focus on a rainstorm feels like a weird choice. Not to say that it needed to be festive or holiday-themed, but an acknowledgement of the weather in many parts of North America would have been appropriate. While Earl’s old and decaying body doesn’t sense a thing Han is actively preparing for the oncoming deluge.

The plot surrounding the hurricane itself is actually pretty cut and dry, no pun intended. Essentially it traps the diner staff, as well as the soon-to-be-divorcees who are planning on hosting their separation party in the Dessert Bar, in the walk-in. Oleg wants to escape to keep Sophie and recently hired manny Shane [French model Julien Marlon Samani; thanks, 2paragraphs!]. Caroline freaks out during a power surge and manhandles Han’s . . . flashlight. It’s all fun and games, but none of it is as compelling as Max and Randy. Really just Max, if we’re being honest.

Given the watery nature of things, let’s just say that where Max is at emotionally is several miles down a very famous Egyptian river. Because she’s in DE-NILE! Get it? She’s in DENIAL. It’s a play on words, and the fact is that from her perspective the breakup she and Randy went through last episode was just a little bump in the road. To wit:

“This is all a part of me and Randy’s dance. I say we should break up then he says it’s definitely over, so we’re still very much together!”

According to her this is the part of the dance where Randy shows up and surprises her. The thing is that she’s just so convinced it’ll happen. When she tries to call him and sees that he’s blocked her number [but not Caroline’s] the truth and all it implies starts to sink in, only for her hopes to be buoyed up later when her friend begins to console her. Max cuts Caroline off when she begins trying to explain her number being blocked, nearly shouting:

“Because he didn’t want to ruin the surprise of him coming to see me?”

It’s deeply unnerving. For as grating a character as Max can and has been for the majority of 2 Broke Girls‘ run time, one thing she has never been is weak. Her delusions surrounding Randy are so intense that as the audience we actually want what she believes to be the truth, for the metaphorical pulse of their relationship to go from flat-lined to beeping once more.

But no, she’s crushed. At least for a brief moment. It’s by no means the deeply emotional moment that concluded “And the Two Openings: Part Two”, when they last broke up, but it’s made all the more painful by the uncharacteristic optimism leading up to the realization that things are done. In contrast, the news that their Dessert Bar was completely trashed by the hurricane feels inconsequential, especially since it turns out they have insurance. With that in mind maybe Randy was a storm of sorts, even if, bucking 2 Broke Girls tradition, he was never explicitly stated as such.

Current Total: $5,821.62.

New Total: $5,521.62. Jason & Winona Williams, the wealthy divorcees, appeared to have called off their possibly-$5,000-event so there are no profits this episode. That said, I’m not really sure where that $300 went. An insurance payment, possibly? But if so then every episode should be deducted that amount.

The Title Refers To: My assumption is that there was a line in there referring to Randy as a “himmicane”, i.e. a man that can be compared to a powerful storm, that was eventually cut. Please see the two opening paragraphs of this review for other interpretations.

Stray Observations:

• “Oof, unlike torrential rain this jacket does not repel insults.”

• “It may come as a shock to you, but this diner is all I have!” / “Not true, you also have tiny arms and legs.”
• “A lot of men watched me as a teenager, but, they paid me.” The return of gross underage jokes with Max Black!
• I’d say that this episode is worth watching just to watch Jonathan Kite absolutely kill it when battling the storm. Guy’s physical comedy was on point.
• Having rescued Chestnut, Shane replicates a famous picture of Russia’s supreme leader-

• The walk-in is a) the safest place in the building and b) Han’s former gift-wrapping suite man cave.
• “Syria, is that a new Middle Eastern fast food place?” Max please go to a school.
• Max looks around the Dessert Bar post-storm: “Is that tree new or has it always been there?”
• “I just think blocking a person is mean.” Caroline says it like it is.

While your mental health is obviously important, which is why you read these insightful 2 Broke Girls reviews here on Culture War Reporters, your physical health is as well! With so much emphasis on female health issues, breast cancer in particular, it can be good to shine a spotlight on what the rougher [is that the opposite of finer?] sex  has to deal with. Introducing our newest weekly feature:

[Pro]state of the Nation

While sitting in the walk-in Earl, who as you know is quite old, quips:

“Am I sitting on a sack of potatoes? Nope, just my prostate.”

This is a very serious problem! According to WebMD the prostate, which is a small gland and part of the male reproductive system, is “supposed to be about the shape and size of a walnut”. That’s a huge difference in size! While I couldn’t find a photo comparing a walnut and a potato, I was able to find a recipe for Roasted Sweet Potato With Banana Walnut Crumbles, which had the accompanying image:

Now just imagine a single walnut next to an entire sack of potatoes!

WebMD does go on to say that the prostate will grow over time due to a condition called benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH). They further mention that it may be the size of an apricot by 40, and a lemon by the age of 60. Now I don’t know about you, but neither of these are as large as a potato, and certainly not more than one, let alone several.

The prostate below is held at the Mütter Museum of The College of Physicians of Philadelphia and weighs 500 grams, in comparison to that in a healthy adult male which is roughly 35 grams on average.

Donor Albert Ruenes, Jr., MD

According to Guinness World Records, however, the largest removed prostate to date  was 2,410 grams, almost five times larger than that of Doctor Ruenes. Taking into consideration that a bag of potatoes is typically 10 lbs, that comes out to 4.53 kilograms, which is double again the weight of the world record holder.

Given the fact that BPH makes it very difficult to urinate, it’s unlikely that Earl is still capable of using the toilet unaided. To say that he is one of the “30% of men will find their symptoms bothersome” probably goes without saying. He should probably get it removed, and call the people at Guinness World Records!

If you’re a man who has experienced trouble urinating, or feel like you’re sitting on a sack of potatoes, please don’t tough it out like Earl, see a medical professional!

2 Broke Girls is not exactly a show that I would call jet-setting, let alone, uh . . . taxi-setting. I mean, sure, they’ve gone off to Rhode Island and even Paris, but for the most part this is a sitcom that revolves around either The Williamsburg Diner or the recently renovated Dessert Bar. In this episode, however, the girls take a page from Sun Wukong and embark on their very own journey to the west [just look it up, it’s a great reference].

Despite Max’s sobering realization last week that things between her and Randy are officially donzo we open up, after what I believe is an unprecedented “Previously on 2 Broke Girls” segment, with her announcing that she’s off to LA to save their relationship. “And the Himmicane” marked a real low for the character, with half of the titular duo actively deluding herself that the breakup was in fact just a break. Watching “And the Planes, Fingers and Automobiles” I kept noting how much stronger Max appeared compared to the last time I saw her, but also observed that it was still in service to keeping things with Randy going. 

Caroline spins the quest to save . . . Mandy? Rax? [I like the latter’s double entendre] into a vacation, since the Dessert Bar needs to be heavily renovated anyway after the hurricane damage. Since Max strong-arming Han into letting them use his recently acquired Toyota Yaris results in him chauffeuring the two the diner is left to, Earl and Oleg, “a real murderer’s row.”

A predictable series of mishaps has them go from Yaris to 18-wheeler to single engine plane, and while that’s all fun and games one brush with death after another what’s far more compelling is the reason they’re on this trip to begin with. Regardless of the vehicle Max is constantly stalking Randy on social media, and has a miniature crisis when she sees a finger on his shoulder in the last split second of a Snapchat story.

I mentioned just a little earlier that I thought Max was stronger this episode, and that’s certainly true. She creates a goal for herself and doesn’t let anything get in her way, including the extremely high chance of dying in a plane crash. The thing is that her obsession with Randy, and the fear that he’s already moved on, are so palpable. There have been a surprisingly high number of emotionally vulnerable moments for Max this season, and it’s made her a much more compelling character. Whereas other sitcoms have boiled their characters down to their base elements by now 2 Broke Girls actually appears to be imbuing one of its leads with more depth, a laudable feat in its sixth season.

As the plane starts to nosedive, with the girls ostensibly having to make their own way to Texas from wherever it lands, it feels like a metaphor for Rax [yeah, I’m sticking with it]. Max Black is really doubling down on this working out and there doesn’t appear to be any going back.

Speaking of going back, the diner manages to not burn itself down in their absence. It’s actually pretty entertaining having the rest of the cast interact with one another, especially when Sophie, who’s taken over as a waitress, actively tries to fill the hole they left behind. When Earl asks her why she’s calling him “girl” she replies matter-of-factly that she’s just “calling [him] a woman like the girls do with Han, except he takes it!”

Oh, also the finger belonged to Randy’s mom, so no big deal.

Current Total: $5,521.62.

New Total: $3,521.62. When the plane starts to lose control pilot Sloppy Joe [currently uncredited on IMDb] tosses out Caroline’s suitcase which is holding “all my clothes, all our money, our credit cards!” She is also reported to have gotten extra money from the insurance people because she told them she and Max were pregnant. Either way, the loss of the two grand likely stems from the now-missing suitcase.

The Title Refers To: The 1987 John Hughes comedy Planes, Trains and Automobiles, which also neglects to use the Oxford comma. The choice to insert “Fingers” in lieu of “Trains” is due to the finger Max is consumed by for much of the episode.

Stray Observations:

• Sophie got into a fight with Barbara’s friends in the ball pit, but assuming their her peers age-wise they never should’ve been in there to begin with.
• Oleg once ran a pretty successful jerk shack: “We sold Jamaican-style chicken [pause] as a front for full-release massages.”
• “Can I interest anyone in a side trip to Pine Creek Gorge? If you love the Grand Canyon you’ll think Pine Creek Gorge is . . . pretty good.”
• Caroline and Han rocking out to the 1997 Hanson hit “MMMBop” was easily the standout moment for me:

“What’s a road trip without a singalong?” / “I don’t know, tolerable?”

• “Good luck phoning the police now, Table 2!”
• “Wow, you unplugged that phone faster than we unplugged my Aunt Esther. She was a mean lady.”
• “I can take you as far as Missouri, home to street violence and a large percentage of America’s Oxycontin epidemic.”
• Apparently truck driver Becky “with the good hair” was part of Seal Team Six, more specifically the group that killed Osama Bin Ladin.
• Beck and Han end up
• “And that’s when I married my high school sweetheart. Well, she was in high school, I was 38.” Gross, Sloppy Joe.
• This actually marks, ostensibly, the second time [the last one was two episodes back] Han has had sex this season, which I believe is an all-time high. Sure, each tryst is played up as a joke, and his fling with Becky is no exception, but it’s something.
• “Oh, I like this, too-” Caroline realizations that she enjoyed steering both an 18-wheeler and a plane were delivered with an infectious excitement.
• Sophie and Oleg having sex in the diner? “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time. Hell, it wouldn’t be the eighth time.”

Every time I think of the relationship between correlation and causation I think of the 552nd xkcd strip:

“Correlation doesn’t imply causation, but it does waggle its eyebrows suggestively and gesture furtively while mouthing ‘look over there’.”

It’s one that passed through my mind again while I was watching “And the Planes, Finger and Automobiles” due to a relationship I observed between Max’s lines and her own emotional distress. This feature, repeating weekly, is dedicated to those connections which may be directly related to one another but, then again, may not be.

State of the Correlation/Causation

It’s apparent throughout this episode, as well as the ones preceding it, that Max is undergoing a lot of emotional distress. You could even argue that it reaches a peak here due to her taking drastic action to revive a relationship for what I believe is the third time.

HelpGuide.org lists the symptoms of stress as being:

• Depression or general unhappiness.
• Anxiety and agitation.
• Moodiness, irritability, or anger.
• Feeling overwhelmed.
• Loneliness and isolation.
• Other mental or emotional health problems.

Given the sitcom format I want to posit that another way this can be seen in Max is a noticeable downturn in her wit and snark. To start with, upon seeing the offending digit in Randy’s Snapchat Story she declares “I gotta finger this out!” Later on in the plane she says the title of the film “Silver Linings Playbook” twice in reference to the positive in what’s an increasingly grim situation. A single mention is understandable, but twice feels out of character for her.

It could even be argued that, as the core of the show, the poor writing Max receives has an effect on the other characters in her orbit. When referring to his Yaris Han initially says-

“Um, this thing is smoking more than my grandma at the bingo finals”

-then, mere minutes later, he follows that up with-

“…’cause that car is deader than the conversation at the Jolie-Pitt Thanksgiving this year.”

Again, a single analogy to describe the state of his vehicle would be more than enough, but we receive two. The question I would like to introduce, but don’t necessarily have the answer to, is whether or not Max’s precarious emotional state, which ultimately makes the show more interesting, could result in a decline in comedic writing, making the show less funny. Please consider and discuss amongst yourselves.

Context is always important. As far as the television landscape in the past two decades we have an expectation as viewers that the midseason finale, which typically airs right before the holidays, marks a significant moment ideally meant to draw the audience back in the new year. The problem with 2 Broke Girls, at least recently, is that being pushed around in the fall TV schedule has resulted in that episode not landing with the weight that it should.

Take Season 5 where the episode at the halfway mark, “And the Storytelling Show”, ends with the two girls heading out to Hollywood to sell the film rights to Caroline’s life story. That would have been a phenomenal way to wrap things up in late November or early December, but instead aired mid-February.

While likewise plagued with scheduling issues, Season 6’s 12th episode actually opens up with another “Previously on 2 Broke Girls“, establishing that the titular duo is in the middle of their quest to get Max and Randy back together. To be fair the last episode of 2015 did end with them plummeting towards the ground in a single engine aircraft, but it’s not like we ever thought they wouldn’t survive the experience. It’s difficult to blame the showrunners for just trying to roll with the punches, but decent pacing is a good way to keep people watching and hopefully buoy flagging ratings.

As for the actual episode itself, it really is just another step in their trip across America. After surviving their flight with Sloppy Joe the girls sneak onto a riverboat to the Big Easy. That’s a fun nickname for New Orleans, Lousiana, by the way.

What follows is the most luck I’ve ever seen when it comes to televised gambling, fictional or otherwise. And I’ve probably watched a below average amount of poker tournaments. Max approaches a roulette table and bets the entirety of her 43 boob dollars on red and wins consecutive times, later doing the same on 18. A little while later Caroline bets a little and also has the white ball land on her number of choice. I feel like anyone who has actually been in a casino knows that that’s not how roulette works, so it was just bizarre how easy they made the whole thing look.

Anyway, one thing leads to another [everything lost due to the vessel causing their chips to slide to the wrong number, being hired as waitresses and then quickly fired] and they end up getting kicked off the riverboat. They then end up meeting who else but RuPaul Andre Charles of RuPaul’s Drag Race fame who agrees to take them to Texas, which is where they’re already headed.

I’ll never understand how 2 Broke Girls lands their celebrity guest stars. As far as I can tell RuPaul has never had any significant relationship with CBS, the network that airs the sitcom. I also wouldn’t say that the show is particularly LGBT-friendly, in spite of Michael Patrick King [who is openly gay] being largely responsible for its continued presence on TV. You know what, now that I mention it he may actually be the reason.

As for what the “diner people”, as Caroline so fondly refers to them throughout this episode, are up to they actually end up having a lot of fun. Sophie and Oleg are walking Chestnut, which is a horse that the two “broke” girls own for some reason, and begin making bank when a woman offers to pay them to let her children take a picture with the animal; Han and Earl also get a cut when they discover what’s going on. They appear to have a lot of fun with it, which is actually what makes it so fun to watch. It’s the closest 2 Broke Girls has gotten to feeling like a “hang-out sitcom” in a while [note that the article that defines the term has a so-so opinion of them].

But what about the actual driving force of the episode? After all, watching people enjoy each other’s company is entertaining, but only to a point. When it comes to her ex-boyfriend Max is somehow convinced that “he’s genuinely upset” [cue Snapchat of him saying “I’m just genuinely happy right now”]. Randy is still the end goal here, and no amount of near-death experiences is going to dissuade her from reaching him. At least she has Caroline’s help. And I guess that of world famous drag queen RuPaul.

Current Total: $3,521.62.

New Total: $500.00. Caroline’s purse is empty when they find it amid the remnants of their luggage, and with it all their money in credit cards. They also find out at the nearby convenience store that someone maxed out said cards on phone cards and cigarettes, which accounts for $1,500 of what’s missing.

The Title Refers To: A River Runs Through It and Other Stories, which is a semi-autobiographical collection of three stories by Norman Maclean that was published in 1976. More popularly known is the 1992 film adaptation that was directed by Robert Redford and notably starred Brad Pitt. Much of this episode takes place on one such watercraft.

Stray Observations:

• There’s some pretty egregious Popchips product placement from Max, but really Popchips and all Popchip-type snacks are delicious so I’ll let it slide.
• Caroline calls the diner asking them to send money, but the connection is choppy and all they hear is words like “private plane” and “money”. It’s a solid bit.
• “She hung up. Or maybe her butler snatched her phone from her!”
• Max finds out that New Orleans is close to Texas because of her McDonald’s placemat.
• Caroline’s southern accent is predictably bad, but also kinda funny.
• Black kid whose arm she grabs to sneak onto the boat: “I have a girlfriend.”
• “Executive decision: horses can eat a bunch of pudding!”
• Oleg says “I don’t think the ewww was necessary,” in response to a woman not wanting to take a naked photo with him. It’s the genuine hurt that sells it.
• “Is there anywhere in the world where I don’t have to be a waitress?” / “Hooters?”
• Riverboat employees are not allowed to gamble, “or as of last week sexually harass each other. Thanks a lot, Craig.”
• Horse pic money spent on: Sophie, spinny wheels for Barbara’s baby carriage; Earl, wireless headphones; Han, lifts.
• In lieu of tucking tape RuPaul opts for some Slim Jims and a Ho Ho, he doesn’t “have to fit into couture today.”

For many 90s kids the childrens’ network Nickelodeon holds a soft spot in their hearts. While it’s been nice to see alumni from the channel do well [Ariana Grande] and less nice to see them crash and burn [Amanda Bynes], what’s particularly refreshing is seeing a performance that feels like it harkens back to that simpler time. That said, a new feature this week that I hope to repeat for the rest of Season 6 is:

2 Broke Girls Character Who Had “All That”

If you don’t get the reference All That was a live action, sketchy comedy-variety show, similar to SNL, that run on Nickelodeon for over a decade. This year the feature is dedicated to Lucas Hazlett AKA James AKA the guy behind the register at the convenience store who tells Max and Caroline about this riverboat headed to New Orleans AKA an actor who 2paragraphs didn’t help me out with this week.

Hazlett’s performance has a very strong Kel Mitchell, of Kenan & Kel, vibe, and it helps that we first see him working in the service industry [like the actor did in 1997’s Good Burger]. He masterfully portrays a delightful cluelessness, most evident when he tells the Max and Caroline that the person who bought up all the phone cards and cigarettes was named Caroline Channing.

“That’s my name!”

“Aw, you got a dude’s name!”

He then leaves them to lock up so that he can confront Tim, who placed a voodoo curse on him. Before the girls are escorted off of the riverboat James makes one last appearance:

“I didn’t want to strip my clothes off and try to drive the boat; it was that voodoo curse! Damn you, Tim!

So I’ll be honest, I’m actually frightened that three years later we’re seeing a retread of “And the Not Broke Parents”. That episode marked the last we saw of Deke, Max’s then-boyfriend, and he left with so little fanfare that for months after the fact people came across these reviews by Googling “when did max and deke break up”. Essentially what I’m saying is that I think this might be the end of Rax.

“And the Stalking Dead” is Ed Quinn’s 17th episode playing the incredibly fit Hollywood lawyer, and it’s much to his credit that their on-again, off-again relationship has proven so compelling; his dynamic with Kat Dennings works, even when he’s a face on a phone or tablet. Adding to that is the show’s tendency to push Max after him, her increased vulnerability showcasing a side of her we rarely get to see. If there’s any hope that he’ll be returning it’s that last point, as the 2 Broke Girls writers’ room appears to be really into exploring that facet of her character.

To dive right into it, our titular duo make it to Texas thanks to a little assistance from RuPaul, and head straight to the hotel where Randy is staying. Thwarted by Richie, the sassy and deeply closeted hotel clerk, the two decide to audition as extras in the film to get near to Max’s ex. As zombies hanging from hooks they’re able to overhear Randy’s client offer to set him up with a girl who drives a Prius.

Their swinging in from off-screen is some excellent comedic work.

The lawyer reveals to everyone in the meat locker that he’s been doing his best to get over Max after realizing that the long-distance thing “just can’t be enough”. After touching on just how difficult it’s been he ends with-

“But I’m not ready to meet that girl with the Prius just yet. I mean, I’m all for good gas mileage. Just not yet.”

That’s all it takes for Max, who literally traveled across the country to save their relationship, to give up. It’s “only fair that [she] lets him move on”, so let’s pack it up and head home. While it could be taken as a very direct indication that things are over, it’s impossible to ignore the corpse makeup on our protagonists’ faces. Zombies rise from the grave to shamble for eternity, and if Rax can be resurrected twice there’s no reason to dismiss it happening a third time.

Before we move on from the two best friends I do want to highlight Caroline’s excitement over auditioning possibly jump starting her acting career. She quips that it’s “something finally about me,” which Max rebuts saying that everything is always about her. The thing is that this isn’t even true within the universe of the show itself, since the whole reason they’re even in Texas is because of Max. It’s almost embarrassing how little focus Caroline has received in the later seasons of 2 Broke Girls, and to have Max outright state that anything at all is “about her” only emphasizes how false that is.

Back at the ranch there are the inklings of a fascinating character arc for Oleg. Given his reputation as a gross pervert there’s a lot to unpack regarding his sense of masculinity, especially as it contrasts with his new role as a father. This is put at risk when Sophie shames him, saying that his daughter is starting to refer to him as “mama” due to his inability to be manly in her presence. She backtracks on the statement later and affirms him, but the entire concept is something they devote more time to in the future.

Current Total: $500.

New Total: $484. I don’t recall them spending $16 at any point in this episode, especially since they make a point of mentioning how refreshments in the hotel lobby and during the auditions are free.

The Title Refers To: The extremely popular comic book series, as well as the AMC television adaptation, The Walking Dead. It also references Max stalking Randy and tracking him down to Texas.

Stray Observations:

• They say “Randy Walsh” a number of times searching for him, and I can’t remember them mentioning his surname before now.
• “It looks like he’s in room number ‘what-hotel-clerk-in-the-world-would-give-out-guest-info-to-two-dusty-randos.'”
• Max initially hides because she looks dirty and gross. “It’s complicated, he likes it when I start out clean.”
• “I am getting really good at bathing in public restrooms. And I want it to end!“
• “Excuse me, sir, if that is your real name.”
• Caroline’s zombie impressions do not disappoint:

“HERE I COME, I’M A ZOMBIE!”

“MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW MOW!”

• “Why do you get to be a hot zombie? I look like dead David Spade.”
• “So as your lawyer can you please stop asking me for a ‘drunk driver’s license’? It’s not a real thing. Neither is a cocaine permit.”
• There’s probably a good reason the studio demanded Randy be on-set with his client at all times.
• Apparently this zombie movie is aiming for a PG rating.
• “There’s literally no one working in your diner right now.”
• “It doesn’t matter if you can’t build anything, or protect us, or be a man. What’s really important is how much you love Barbara.”
• “Call me stupid for being a romantic and believing love could conquer all.” / “Stupid!”

   

It’s not uncommon for minor characters on 2 Broke Girls to be a little odd, and those peculiarities can extend to their sexual lives as well. An episode early on in Season 5 featuring Owen, a man with diphallia, is a particularly notable example. That being said it can be beneficial to learn a little bit more about these cases, as it’s important to remember that they’re based on real life human beings. Our newest weekly feature, which should show up again next week, is:

Strange Different-But-Also-Yeah-I-Guess-Kind-Of-Strange-In-Comparison Sex  

Casting director Bonnie, whose name I didn’t know until I looked it up on 2paragraphs, is played by Beth Littleford who I should have recognized as the mom from Dog with a Blog. She doesn’t have patience for Caroline’s terrible acting and, most importantly to this feature, “[her] entire body is an erogenous zone.”

This brings to mind the case of Rachel from Atlanta, Georgia, who suffers from something called “persistent sexual arousal syndrome”, or “persistent genital arousal disorder”. Wikipedia defines it as being:

“results in a spontaneous, persistent, and uncontrollable genital arousal, with or without orgasm or genital engorgement, unrelated to any feelings of sexual desire”

PSAS can make it difficult to ride in vehicles or even hold a vibrating cellphone. While not exactly the same thing as one’s entire body being an erogenous zone, the intense sensitivity that this disorder carries with it makes the two very similar.

It should be noted that while it may seem like a blessing to some, the complications it adds to one’s sex life can actually be detrimental to a relationship.

First off, I want to apologize for the quality of the header image. As some of you may know I had to switch over to screencapping previews on YouTube some time ago due to CBS’s refusal to update the photo section of the 2 Broke Girls section of their website. Most have turned out okay, but this one is not very good. I really am sorry and will try to do better next time.

Yet another point I’ve touched on again and again is whether this is the last we’ll see of Ed Quinn’s Randy, and I think I can finally  say that this is the case. Unless, of course, the show’s ratings [which I’ve been keeping a close eye on] end up tanking 2 Broke Girls Season 7, in which case his return seems both inevitable and justified.

There’s a lot going on in “And the Emergency Contractor”, and to my delight it’s pretty solid narratively, as well as comedically. To immediately address the most significant event, Randy is back! Max and Caroline return from their three-episode road trip and before they know it they find that the hunky Hollywood lawyer has landed himself in the hospital! Max is still his emergency contact! They rush to go help him.

Discomfort has played such a large role when it comes to Max dealing with her breakup with Randy, and I’ve spotlit her emotional vulnerability a few times now. What we haven’t seen in a few weeks, however, is her displaying that weakness while interacting with him. Up to this point it’s mostly been babbling to Caroline about how this is all just a “dance” her and Randy go through, and that they’ll get back together before you know it. I actually believed that in last week’s “And the Stalking Dead” hearing Randy tell his client that he’s doing all he can to get over her was the final nail in the coffin, no pun intended. Yet there she is, standing by his hospital bed, musing aloud about how he’s come back for her.

“Max, what are you doing here?” are the first words out of his mouth.

When she asks if he’s there to visit Randy ruefully admits “I was trying not to see you.” Max tries to explain that their breakup over the phone wasn’t real, also revealing that both she and Caroline followed him to Texas. It takes a bit, but eventually they both state that the two of them together may not be the best idea-

“Max, look at us. I ran to the airport and got hit by a cab trying to get out of here ’cause I was tempted to see you. And you broke into a hospital not to steal drugs!”

“Maybe this relationship is bad for us.”

Yet that doesn’t stop Randy from asking, one final time, for Max to move to California to be with him. He can’t leave his firm but he wants them to work out. Her response is that at one point she would’ve agreed without hesitation, but that now she cares, about stuff and people and the life she’s built there. She follows up her statement by asking “So what happens now?”

“I think we kiss good-bye.”

But they don’t. A hug is also off the table for similar reasons, i.e. him being shirtless and their sexual chemistry being of a particularly explosive nature. Notably it’s Max who decides against it both times. They settle on a handshake, the least sexual form of physical contact.

It’s not often that I’ll write up a blow-by-blow like that, but I thought it was important to go through each step of what is most likely their final breakup. Dennings once again exhibits her impressive emotional chops, while her character displays an admirable sense of self-control. That’s where Max’s character growth truly lies, not in her reasons for turning him down, which are nothing new, but in how she handles the entire situation with so much maturity.

That theme of maturity runs throughout the B-plot of this episode, with Sophie joining a mommy support group with the intention of becoming a better parent to her daughter. She’s surprised to find that the gathering is really meant to be a place for moms to “trade pills, to get trashed, and to fantasize Gone Girl-ing our husbands.” Given the contrast between her exaggerated personality and the seemingly normal American women speaking unaccented English, surprisingly she appears to be the most functional caring mother present.

There’s a lot of peer pressure to conform to the mommy support group, with Sophie repeatedly asking if she should be doing the same things they are serving as a punchline to highlight the awfulness of their actions. It all culminates in the Dessert Bar, when she’s accused of “secretly taking care of [her] baby while [they’re] having mom’s group”.

“I love my baby!” she exclaims, to which one mom retorts: “Then why don’t you marry her?” Sophie unfailingly responds with her go-to “Should I?”, but she doesn’t consider it too long. She roars back at them, loudly and proudly: “I’m a good mom, and a good mom doesn’t marry her baby!”

I’ve dragged Sophie for being a bad parent in the past, but seeing her abstain from engaging in hedonism to nurture her child is a pleasant and somewhat unexpected change, and yet another example of 2 Broke Girls caring enough about its characters to have them progress.

Finally, we have Caroline. Her flirtation with Bobby, the “Emergency Contractor” in the title, garners a few decent comedic moments, such as her realization that when it comes to quipping sometimes less is more-

-but ultimately their romance pales in comparison to what’s going on in both Max and Sophie’s lives. While her plot carries more jokes, and her being with someone/anyone is certainly a step forward, it feels insignificant by virtue of taking place in this particular episode. Caroline’s most important role this week is closing things off, telling her best friend “I wouldn’t leave you, either.” The studio audience cheers and we at home are left knowing that this is a bond that won’t be broken, no matter what. It’s a reminder that in spite of groundbreaking change the core remains the same.

This blog is in no way sponsored by Olmeca Altos Plata tequila, but if they wanted to throw a few bucks my way I wouldn’t be mad about it.

Current Total: $484.

New Total: $2,372.00. Considering that the mommy support group walked out without paying after Sophie’s outburst, you’d think that their profits would actually be less, especially since one of them ordered a bottle of Olmeca Altos Plata tequila to go with her flantini. I brought that stuff to a party once, it’s pretty good.

The Title Refers To: Bobby, the emergency contractor that Oleg needed to hire since he kicked the last one off the premises as a means of affirming his own masculinity.

Stray Observations:

• I would say that Han misses them so much that he doesn’t care about them not working after they return, but honestly that’s just the weak-willed diner owner for you.
• “Oleg, stop blocking the door, we’re not on a date with you.”
• I don’t have a solid of enough mental picture of the Dessert Bar to notice how much better it looks now post-himmicane.
• “I thought Barbara liked me. I’m gonna text her.”
• “I can’t remember what an orgasm is like but I think I might be having one.” The renovations look really, really good.
• Bobby the contractor is “the only man who knew what [Caroline] wanted without [her] having to tell him three times and then giving up.”

• Caroline’s new outfit yields a lot of really great material:

• “She thought she was hosting Wheel of Fortune in here.”
  “I’d buy a vowel from her.”
  “Well it would be two A’s.”
• “Not for you, Vanna Very-White.”
• I’m skipping over all the flirty innuendo between Caroline and Bobby.
• “Why is his shirt always off? He’s like Kirsten Dunst in a dramatic role.”
• The nurses definitely hardcore sexually harass and possibly assault Randy, but it’s cool because he’s a man.

Scrubs has long-been lauded by actual doctors as being a stellar example of their day-to-day lives, particularly when it comes to the accuracy of medical jargon and coping with the loss of patients. If upcoming episodes of 2 Broke Girls have them returning to a jargon then you’d better believe you’ll see more of this recurring feature simply known as:

Code Words

Max and Caroline dress up as nurses to get to Randy, and the latter is pulled away by a woman declaring that “[they’ve] got a 41 in here and he’s a squirter.” The latter must leave to assist what sounds like an emergency, buying her friend the time she needs. When Caroline returns she reveals that:

“Good news is, I saved a man’s life. Bad news is, I left a ring inside him.”

Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything in several lists of hospital slang, lingo, and jargon referring to what a “41” might be. Emblem Health, a health insurance company, does however have a page explaining that:

• Occurrence Code 41 (Date of First Test for Preadmission Testing): This code and corresponding date indicate when the first outpatient diagnostic test was performed as part of preadmission testing. The date associated with this occurrence code must be the same or prior to the admission date reported with occurrence code 40 (Scheduled Date of Admission). Occurrence code 41 must be used in conjunction with occurrence code 40.

Which doesn’t sound very helpful or accurate.

Move over, 2 Broke Girls, Superior Donuts owns the 9 PM Monday time slot now! The half hour delay of gratification for fans of the sitcom may have been frustrating, but it’s far from something to worry about. After all, it’s not like CBS has moved the show to Friday evenings, where programs go to die.

This week feels like things are back to basics, although the showrunners do try something new within that framework. What’s notable is the absence of an expected Sophie and Oleg B story, with the two narratives instead belonging to the title characters. That’s right, while we get our regular dose of Max we’re also treated to much more Caroline than usual!

Not to be cynical regarding their treatment of one of their two stars, but the reason for that is clear: Caroline now has a love interest. Two weeks back we finally closed the door on Max and Randy’s relationship, or “Rax”, as I liked to call it. We’re now firmly in the era of . . . “Cobby”? “Baroline”? They don’t have good names for cute couple portmanteaus, but that’s life I guess. The Caroline and Bobby pairing off is also what ends up temporarily separating the roommates/best friends.

As someone who has been running this blog for going on six years now, as well as a college publication prior to that, I know how important it is to be on top of things as well as how difficult it can be to relinquish control. It turns out that the reason Caroline and Bobby have a day date scheduled is not because of the latter actually being married, but because the alternative would mean Max taking charge of the Dessert Bar by herself. To be clear the reason for Caroline’s hesitancy is not because she wants to be with her and keep her company, but because she doesn’t trust her.

I described Caroline owning the B story, but in reality her and Max own two halves of a single narrative this episode. Sequestered in a cushy new movie theatre the former heiress wrestles with anxiety over leaving her friend alone the Dessert Bar still standing when she returns, while the latter has to manage the stress of running a bar solo [they’re embarrassingly understaffed, and probably should’ve kept that bartender]. It’s really not about progressing Bobby and Caroline’s relationship or Max’s ability to handle things on their own, but instead about one trusting the other. Their friendship is familiar territory to be sure, but it’s nice to have their conflict be centred more around their business again.

Caroline’s concern skyrockets when, right before she leaves, a number of sorority girls start flooding in, and to be fair Max is nearly overwhelmed by the co-eds vomiting, passing out, and, worst of all, requesting separate cheques. Ultimately everything works out, however, with Earl and Han acting as impromptu servers and Max using her years of experience as a Negotiation Expert [I have no idea where that came from] to create an agreed upon payment method involving PayPal, Venmo, a manicure, and the rental of a gay friend named Dave for a sister’s wedding.

While on the surface the newfound trust and corresponding responsibility seem pretty straightforward, the show also establishes that Max and Caroline are not always a package deal. Yes, they’ve split off in the past, but never in regards to their shared enterprise. The line “Is it strange that I’m a little sad you don’t need me?” is meant to establish a quick emotional beat, but it also promises that their reliance on one another is less strong than it once was. This could be a step towards spending more time apart, and I’m curious to see if anything more happens with that.

Current Total: $2,372.

New Total: $3,145. The Dessert Bar was really poppin’ this week. Profits are good, I guess.

The Title Refers To: Caroline explains to Bobby that “turtles can sense if their turtle best friend is stuck upside down on its shell, its turtle legs all wiggling in the air”.

Stray Observations:

• The garbage can chasing Han in the header image is a room service robot he got from a relative. That CBS budget, huh.
• “R2, no, Yoda’s our friend!” The second of two Star Wars jokes from Earl.
• “I thought your mother was our shrimp supplier-” is pretty much the best short joke they’ve ever made.
• Han’s opinion on Max running things? “Sure, like when I ran the diner via cell, which never happened because I’m not a damn fool!”
• Max and Caroline’s apartment keys “specifically say on them ‘Do Not Copy For Oleg.'”
• Apparently Poland is rife with wild dogs, wolves, and vultures. Sometimes I wonder if the writers realize that Poland is a sizable European country with a population of 40 million people.
• Earl has some high-grade pot “to turn into the authorities immediately.” He knows medical marijuana is legal in the state of New York, right?
• I might try to brighten this up later, but Caroline is, very frustratingly, one of those moviegoers.

She saw the dancing hotdog, too. She really has no excuse.

• Sophie and Oleg used Barbara’s stroller to sneak in their dinner. “[They’re] not gonna pay movie chicken prices!”
• “Wow, Max, are you really gonna let the cast of Pitch Perfect talk to you like that?”
• In a weirdly meta turn Max makes the same face I assume most audience members do when hearing one of Oleg’s sexual assault “jokes”.

“I was in a sorority once. Until they found me.”

• Max is so bad at numbers she says “ten-three” instead of “thirteen”. I’m not about to go back through old episodes and fact-check that but there is no way that’s true.
• “You have a real strange way of talking to dudes.”

Bobby, played by Christopher Gorham, is the latest love interest to grace 2 Broke Girls, but I noticed a little something about him, in particular because of how quickly he followed on the heels of Ed Quinn’s Randy. With that being said a new feature this week is focused on the men in Max and Caroline’s respective lives, and is a little something I like to call:

#YesAllMen

“And the Turtle Sense” was written by Michael Glouberman, who also penned “And the Sophie Doll”. Although these are the only episodes that he’s able to take the majority of credit for it’s worth noting how seamlessly it fits into the 2 Broke Girls installments that precede it. The show’s cast is made up of very distinct voices, such as they are, and a line for Han would feel wrong coming from, say, Earl or Sophie. When it comes to Bobby, on the other hand…

Bobby sounds exactly like Randy.

His lines are written and delivered with a tone that’s flirtatious and, importantly, only lightly jokey. Given the penchant for Max and co. to deliver the zingers both Randy’s and Bobby’s lines are more grounded, providing comedy but only in moderate doses. The following line has a bit of humour to it, but it’s more sweet than anything else.

“Okay, I know you’re talking about me, but I get jealous.”

Bobby exclaiming-

“I chicken-proofed those sinks!”

-as he runs towards the bathrooms is ludicrous on the surface, but he’s responding to the actions of other characters, namely Sophie and Oleg engaging in some poultry-assisted lovemaking. What’s more, both lines could easily have been said by Randy and you wouldn’t think twice about it.

At this point Bobby’s only starred in two episodes so far, but we don’t know anything about him besides the fact that he’s attracted to Caroline. I’m not saying that he needs to be fleshed out to the point of becoming a primary castmember, only that having him become his own character can only help audiences to become more invested in his and Caroline’s relationship.

“When one pair of legs closes, another one opens.”

Or at least that’s what Polish Oprah says. I’d be careful about disagreeing with her, since critics are hanged by the neck until dead. It’s also the tactic that 2 Broke Girls appears to be taking, since I can’t remember a point when both Max and Caroline were in serious romantic relationships at the same time. One may have a brief fling while the other is dating, but that’s about the extent of it.

Larger ensemble comedies have likewise chosen to give select characters the spotlight re: significant others, but in this case the rest of the cast plays second fiddle to the duo at its core. The inability, or unwillingness, of the show’s writers’ room to allow both Max and Caroline date concurrently speaks to their narrow focus. One at a time; wait your turn, please.

To be fair this episode actually closes on the idea that they might be trying to make a change moving forward, so we should probably get to what actually happens-

A lot of what happens is dancing. Just so, so much dancing.

Caroline’s third date with Bobby is coming up, and that means there are . . . certain expectations. As for Max, she’s chosen to take herself out of the game, as it were. Great heights were reached during her sexual career, but the time has come to take off the cap of Professional Fornicator and replace it with the hat of Amateur Golfer. She’s tagging along with Han and believes the activity to be just about as far from bumping uglies as you can get.

The impending evening promises to be more than Caroline was expecting given Bobby describing it with the words “exotic” and “big”. As a means of prepping after a particularly lengthy dry spell she heads to The Art of Seduction, where Rita [Katie Wee] recommends Caroline stop in on a burlesque class she teaches nearby. I could continue connecting the dots, but that’s obviously where the two girls end up.

I won’t lie to you, Rita’s demonstration is . . . certainly something. And in spite of the fact that one of the most popular posts on this blog is about the reason a 2 Broke Girls parody doesn’t exist I never wanted this to be that kind of site. That being said I’ve exclusively compiled the reactions instead. Here’s Caroline’s:

Her expression is more “I can’t do that” than it is “Rita is a bad dancer and should feel bad.”

Which leads to the rest of the class showing their stuff to the sound of Rihanna’s “Birthday Cake”. Sophie, who is also there, is next-

Sophie is a bad dancer and should feel bad and probably physically does because she hurts herself in the process.

-followed by Caroline, emboldened by the performance preceding hers:

Caroline actually does a great job, I know Max’s face isn’t a good indicator of that.

From the announcement of her retirement up to this point Caroline has staunchly refused to support Max’s decision.

“Max, you can’t get out of the game just as I’m getting in, I wanted us to have sex together.”

It’s a sweetly awkward sentiment, and it boils down to her not wanting to be happy while her best friend isn’t. In her ideal world they’re both in loving relationships. This all comes to a head with Max’s refusal to participate in the burlesque class, which prompts Rita to chime in and mention that the art is both seduction and catharsis, a means of dancing out negative emotions.

She admits “Okay, fine, maybe I am shut down ’cause of Randy.” Then she dances.

A sitcom needs to maintain a brisk comedic pace, meaning that Rita and Caroline’s routines needed to be buttressed by snappy one-liners. For Sophie and Max, on the other hand, their performances are the jokes. The latter’s is such that I actually need to spend a paragraph on it.

You can see Max’s gold outfit up above in the header image. Now I’m not about bodyshaming, so when I describe her dancing as Danny DeVito-esque [think more Batman Returns than It’s Always Sunny…] I do so because it’s 100% accurate. I’m not sure whether or not to recommend watching this episode for it . . . probably not?

Anyway, Max uses her car crash of an Ooma Loompa jig as a mic drop and leaves to go play golf.

Back at the ranch diner we find out that she slept with her and Han’s golf pro, effectively ending her retirement. Bobby shows up early to reveal that a) he thinks her uniform, which she had been hiding, is really quite fetching [it “looks really hot, like a sexy pencil”] and b) his big exotic plans were eating at a Moroccan place, since he had the same initial expectations she did all along [“Why would I see that on the third date, isn’t that the tenth?”].

“And the Tease Time” ends with the status quo reestablished, but also at the bare minimum introduces the idea that Max being back on the market might lead to some potential relationship overlap. I’m not saying it’s likely, but six seasons in and you need to keep trying new things to keep a show alive. I mean, it’s that or making the dreams of the paltry handful of Maxoline shippers remaining come true.

Current Total: $3,145.

New Total: $4,895. The most significant expense this episode would’ve been the burlesque class, but at this point I feel like there’s

The Title Refers To: Burlesque shows can be pretty titillating, which explains the “tease” portion of the title. As a whole it can be seen as a play of words on “tea time”.

Stray Observations:

• “Also, I’m either caught on Max’s button or she has a tiny round penis.” I’m not providing context for that.
• Sex is Max’s thing, “like Cheetos, or zeroing in on people’s vulnerabilities.”
• I had my own issues with it walking out of the theatre, but hearing that Caroline’s underwear has “more holes than the plot of Arrival” had me immediately rushing to the defence of what is a very solid sci-fi flick.
• While lingerie shopping: “Do you have anything that says ‘Grand Reopening'”?
• “This is just like The Bachelor. Except I’m not getting HPV from a lagoon.” I’m going to use this line as an opportunity to shamelessly promote my own Bachelor meme instagram account.
• Upon hearing about Caroline’s upcoming third date: “Ooh, that’s a gay’s first date.” Eesh.
• “My first date was a Hall & Oates’ concert. Yes, I’m old.” Completely unprompted. We don’t even find out this woman’s name, only that she’s old.
• Caroline, classic Channing overachiever. “I was the best, right? Because it matters to me.”

At this point I would typically end things off with our go-to weekly feature. With this episode, however, there were too many things I couldn’t devote a mere line to in the full review, while also proving too lengthy for the Stray Observations. While this is probably a one-off thing, it may always make a reappearance. Without further ado, here’s:

Odds and Ends

“Everybody knows the third date means sex,” is something Max tells Caroline in the first few minutes, and it’s backed up by Earl chiming in that “some between-legs action is on.” Urban Dictionary, my primary resource for this sort of thing, actually has an entry for the “Third Date Rule” which is defined:

The third date is generally considered the “sex date.” It is the average number of dates until it is deemed proper and acceptable to have sex with a new mate; therefore, the Third Date Rule is the implementation of this theory.

Both Sophie and Oleg compare waiting until the third date to living like a nun, but they’re certainly outliers when it comes to most conventions.

“A foursome like you used to, on my bed, while I’m trying to read,” is something Caroline tells Max in trying to affirm how pivotal sex is in her roommate’s life. This ties back to an observation I’ve made numerous times, as early as my review of “And the Piece of Sheet” where I wrote:

“Max’s sexual escapades are a list longer than this blog post looks to be, but they don’t feel real because the show feels content to hide them away. I’m not asking to see a revolving door of guys walking in and out of her bedroom, but I’m going to need something for it not to seem like they’re just dirty jokes and quips for the sake of laughs with no lasting intentional effects on her as an actual character.”

It’s obvious what side of the Madonna-whore complex the 2 Broke Girls writers would like Max to fall on, but three seasons out and we’re still not getting any strong indicators that she’s anywhere as promiscuous as she claims to be, especially with two lengthy committed relationships to date. We might assume she has had casual sex semi-regularly, but foursomes as a regular occurrence threatens the suspension of disbelief.

“Clothes jinx!” is what Han says to Max when he sees they’re wearing the same outfit.

I feel like the adjective “cartoonish” gets thrown around more than it should, but I can’t think of a better word to describe Kat Dennings’ performance here. It leads me to believe that director Justin Sayre’s approach to this scene was recommending that she act “happier, and with her mouth open.”

Caroline won’t shut up about her boyfriend Bobby. You know, that cute guy Bobby, her boyfriend? Given their burgeoning relationship, and the fact that he also mentions her in the same way, it makes perfect sense that this would be a Caroline-centric episode. With how few and far between these moments are, however, it doesn’t seem like the writers’ room is as comfortable with the setup as they probably should be.

That being said this is just about as linear a narrative as you can get, and while the premise is tried and true the actual scenario presented is a little harder to swallow.

Meeting your significant other’s family is such a comedic staple that it spawned an actual trilogy [everyone forgets Little Fockers], so Caroline being invited to Bobby’s childhood home, which he moved back into after his father died, is pretty standard fare. His insisting that Max go as well also makes sense, since he considers her Caroline’s family. What’s far less plausible is the entire diner staff being able to just tag along with them.

Look, I get that it’s a sitcom. I also fully buy Max and Caroline warning Bobby to “never discuss a party in the diner” due to their coworkers latching on to their plans. That all checks out. What I’m less on-board with is Bobby not minding having Han, Earl, Sophie, and Oleg over to his house. He’s a nice guy, sure, but he also knows that this evening is a chance for Caroline and his family to make good impressions on each other. Having all of these other people complicates that, and also has the very high likelihood of reflecting poorly on his girlfriend due to them being described as her friends.

I was going to describe what actually takes place as having its highs and lows, but it would be more apt to say that it flatlines and then dips periodically. It’s not awful, as 2 Broke Girls episodes go, just extremely uneventful. It certainly doesn’t help that Bobby’s sister Chrissy, who yells off-camera from the bedroom where she’s sequestered herself, cribs a middling gag from fellow CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory.

The true conflict of the episode comes from Bobby’s very conservative mother Teresa [Nora Dunn, who also played Schmidt’s mother on New Girl]. She’s still very much hung up on her son’s ex-girlfriend Jessica, who left a lasting impression on the entire family and her face in a framed photo on the staircase wall. She does not warm up to Caroline, who has to live up to what is essentially perfection. That’s a tall order for anyone, but it also doesn’t take long to be filled.

After a few shenanigans involving said framed photo, and the reveal that Caroline and Bobby have been doing the horizontal tango, Teresa concedes that: “You know what, you make my Bobby smile, and he’s even more handsome when he smiles.” While she didn’t make things easy, I also wouldn’t say that the battle was particularly hard-fought, with Caroline wrestling with her own anxieties far more than with her boyfriend’s mother.

At the end of the day what we’re left with is a very lacklustre installment of 2 Broke Girls where the stakes weren’t high and the jokes, when they did land, did so lightly. It’s not a huge mark against the show by any means, the problem is that it doesn’t leave much of a mark at all.

Current Total: $4,895.

New Total: $5,672.72. As I said last week, who even cares about this anymore-

The Title Refers To: Bobby’s ex-girlfriend Jessica, said using a classic example of Shm-reduplication, a construction “generally used to indicate irony, derision, skepticism, or disinterest with respect to comments about the discussed object.”

Stray Observations:

• Han drags Bobby for living at home only to find out the true reason why. “The one guy I take a shot at and he’s the freaking Orphan Annie.” What Han doesn’t realize is that orphans have two dead parents, not just one.
• Max and Caroline used the word “Navajo” as their code word for party, which feels pretty on the nose.
• “It goes without saying, but she’s gonna love me.”
• “I Google Earth’d the house; there’s a pool at the house next door. And a short fence!” Oleg, ever the opportunist.
• “I know this sounds insane, but I’m not sure if she love-love-loved me-“
• Max saying “I took my shoes off, I hope that’s okay,” is meant to be framed as her being too comfortable, but that’s the norm in much of the world.
• “I’m not paying $9.99 a month for you to be a slut!” Teresa has very low opinions of Match.com.
• “We thank God and his mother, ’cause we know his mother does everything, and he would never date a woman without getting his approval.”
• They’re all eating off of paper plates, and let me tell you, it made me judge Teresa pretty hard as both a homeowner and a host.
• There’s a whole thing between Han and Bobby’s sister Denise, but all I’m going to say about it is that their romance blossoms when he sees she does karate, as he has a yellow belt. That struck me as weird, since you’d think he’d be a practitioner of either Tae kwon do or Hapkido, which are both Korean martial arts. He even makes a pun with the first when seeing her in a gi.

I very briefly covered this in last week’s “Odds and Ends”, but it was so noticeable this week that I couldn’t help but devote a brand new weekly feature to it. This one is dedicated to a cartoonish style of overacting dubbed-

Happier With Your Mouth Open

For reference, here’s the Whitest Kids U’ Know sketch I derived the title from:

Don Scardino, who directed both this episode and last week’s, appears to have taken a page from the director featured in the sketch. When it comes to Kat Dennings reacting to, well, almost anything, “happier with your mouth open” appears to be the primary instruction given.

Here are the most egregious examples in “And the Jessica Shmessica”:

Reacting to Bobby saying: “My whole family’s gonna be there, Caroline’s whole family should be there too.”

Reacting to a particularly steamy make out sesh between Bobby and Caroline.

Reacting to a regular middle class American home. “You didn’t tell us you lived in a castle!”

Reacting to Caroline saying: “I don’t even like this sauce.”

Now Dennings is not a bad actor by any means. Extremely typecast as of late, sure, but she has a moderate enough range. The problem here is the people running the show and their belief that over-the-top emoting is what will get laughs out of the audience. Once would be enough for a single episode, but four is pushing it and then some. Dennings is an expressive performer and this is clearly one of her strengths, but Scardino’s directing is putting it to very poor use.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I began watching the promo for this week’s 2 Broke Girls. Max meeting her father, really? Typically any references to her upbringing are about her extremely neglectful mother, and the last time that was touched on in any major way was literally three seasons ago.

That episode was the Season 3 finale, “And the First Degree”, and it’s impossible for “And the Dad Day Afternoon” not to be compared to it, for better or for worse.

At this point in time we don’t know how many more episodes of Season 6 of 2 Broke Girls has left, but we know this isn’t how it ends. The title for the one following has already been released, and if past seasons are any indicator there are a total of four more to go. All that being said, Han doing the legwork for Max to see her deadbeat dad for the first time in her life is the kind of momentous event which one might think would be reserved for a finale, especially given the whole gang embarking on a road trip to Rhode Island [“America’s least exciting state”].

With that in mind, I guess it really shouldn’t have been a surprise that it never actually takes place. Max’s resigned prediction of “If I know one thing about the man I know nothing about: he’s not coming” 100% ends up coming true.

Thinking about it more, the fact that they were directed by Gary’s sister, a police psychic, should have been further evidence things may not work out.

“And the First Degree” revolves around Max getting her GED and inviting her mother to see her graduate with the Northeast High Class of 2014. Mrs. Black never ends up showing, but her friends at the diner do. To quote a famous line from Harper Lee’s magnum opus, “You can choose your friends but you sho’ can’t choose your family.”

It’s not a terrible theme or story element, especially at that point in time when the relationships between the cast weren’t as polished as they are now. By repeating it again, however, even three years down the line, the showrunners end up not saying much at all. We already know that Earl, Sophie, Oleg, and, whether there’s a lot of admission of this or not, Han [AKA “the cast of American Horror Story: Minivan”] are all people who care about and support Max. Hearing it again is a nice reminder, but it’s also an unneeded one.

Although the narratives and story beats are essentially the same, there are a handful of differences worth noting. One is how much more comfortable 2 Broke Girls is now in the first few months of 2017. The characters not only feel like they genuinely enjoy being around one another, but their general camaraderie is allowed to rub off on audiences as well. Intentional or not, there’s also Max tempering her excitement, and her resulting disappointment being far less crushing than the last time this happened.

“And the Dad Day Afternoon” wraps up an enjoyable Sunday out that had the goal of emotional resolution. While that’s never actually accomplished, the characters and [hopefully] audiences are nonetheless left with the good time that resulted. Max closing the episode by affirming an injured squirrel [“C’mon, little guy. We don’t abandon anybody.”] may seem heavy, but it’s couched more in optimism than bad experiences and the ability to persevere through them. Much like its central character, no offence at all to Beth Behrs, 2 Broke Girls has come a long way.

Current Total: $5,672.72.

New Total: $6,475.54.

The Title Refers To: Max’s father and the phrase “dog day afternoon”, which essentially means “a very bad day”. Possibly also a reference to the 1975 crime drama of the same name starring Al Pacino.

Stray Observations:

• “Oh my god, the customers are nakee!” It has been years since I heard that particular Rugrats terminology.
• I enjoyed the censorship of well-placed menus, booths, et cetera.
• Earl thinks that daddy issues are bunk. His daughter is also married to a forgetful old man named Burl.
• “Barbara just smiled politely at her first ugly baby.”
• “I don’t know his name, or where he lives, or where he gets dialysis, I’m assuming.”
• Caroline was a runner-up for Jigsaw Palooza 2003.
• Han’s not working on his Gary-prescribed day off, he’s meeting his friend, “Friendo”.
• Oleg’s “XXX GPS” was my favourite joke of the episode. “Oh, that exit is closed for construction, naughty boy.”
• “Can’t a woman just talk to you? This is why we march.”
• Han learned how to speak squirrel on Zoboomafoo.
• “It’s illegal to kill squirrels in the Ukraine. Ever since Putin trained them as spies.”
• “You’re Trevor Noah and I’m John Stewart! I got my Emmys, I’m done now!”

This episode opens up on the Williamsburg Diner filled with mostly nude patrons. In the event that a large number of naked extras pop up again, and need explanation, our latest feature is:

Why Am I Naked?

Han explains this scene-

-as being due to the “annual naked bike ride”. This is likely a reference to the World Naked Bike Ride, which is an international event. Contrary to its name one does not need to be naked to participate, although that is certainly permitted and encouraged. I know for a fact it’s a real thing because my aunt and uncle witnessed one while in Paris and took a few pictures.

As of 2010 the World Naked Bike Ride had expanded to 74 cities in over a dozen countries, and the US being one of them certainly goes without saying.

It’s funny, because with a title like “And the Baby and Other Things” you would think that this episode would be centred on little baby Barbara and her parents, Sophie and Oleg.

What’s also funny is that I wrote that opening line before watching this episode, and hey, I was exactly right. The “Baby” in question actually has nothing do with the daughter of the most-cheered-for couple on prime time television. That being said, Sophie and Oleg were actually one of my favourite parts of an episode that continues the trend of Season 6 being heavily back-loaded with Caroline-centric plots.

After taking [what was for me] a much-needed week off we have the return of Bobby’s family, who we last saw during a visit to his childhood home. That episode was largely focused on Caroline living in the shadow of Jessica, his incredible ex-girlfriend, and that’s a name that also crops again. It all starts when Max finds Bobby’s iPhone and reads a text from her that says: “call me about baby”.

2 Broke Girls has never been great about balance. While Max was seeing Randy the A-plots always had to do with their respective relationship, with Caroline either helping her best friend or being sidelined almost completely. Here we see that the pendulum has swung in the other direction. Caroline is the one dealing with Bobby’s family, while Max and Han head off to see if Jessica, a wedding planner, is in fact pregnant with his child.

I’ve decided to include a screenshot of Kat Dennings openmouthedly overacting in every review.

Now to be fair to the show, I’m fairly certain that we are not as an audience supposed to like Bobby’s sister or, to a lesser extent, their mother. She’s loud and obnoxious and, unlike so many other minor characters who share the same traits, recurring. That said I still have no real desire to go into the exact details of what happens.

In essence Caroline, as well-meaning as she is, gets tied up in family conflict in spite of Bobby cautioning her to stay out of things. This ultimately culminates in the two of them having their first fight. While it can hardly be categorized as one due to half of the participants being aware of it, the main takeaway is them admitting that they love one another, and that as a result disagreements will inevitably arise. It’s also emphasized that Bobby is not a dirtbag, as the text was about a cat named Baby that he and Jessica have shared cat-stody of.

Really everything re: Ms. Channing, whose relationship dominates this episode, is wrapped up rather neatly. What I do want to mention, however, is the conversation the titular duo have after the opening credits. After hearing her roommate go on about how perfect her and Bobby are, Max points out that she’s “just saying you don’t know him that well yet.” This prompts Caroline to say she’s being a “Negative Nancy/Jugs McGee”, accusing accuse Max of projecting due to recently having been hurt by her and Randy’s breakup.

In the end Max’s skepticism and suspicion that Bobby might be just like every other guy come to naught, but it’s interesting that it supports Caroline’s seeming naivete. As I’ve mentioned in other reviews no romantic partner will last forever, given 2 Broke Girls‘ dynamics, so eventually he’ll be on his way out as well. Given that she’s been rewarded by her optimism it remains to be seen just how hard she’ll take it.

Or maybe her and Bobby will get married and he’ll stick around forever, who knows.

This isn’t a reaction image to the line above, it’s meant to illustrate the paragraph below.

As one last note, prior to all the other last notes that these reviews end with, “And the Baby and Other Things” has Sophie and Oleg having binged every show available to them. They take to the sidelines to watch everything going on between Caroline and Bobby’s fam, even bringing their own popcorn [“You want cheddar cheese or kettle corn?”]. It’s an enjoyable bit, particularly because it really frames the two of them as parents looking for a break from being parents. It’s also a plot that doesn’t require too much energy out of them, and their subdued performances are a joy to watch.

Current Total: $6,475.54.

New Total: $6,922.14. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The Title Refers To: A cat named “Baby” and the place where Denise works, a business called “Mailboxes and Other Things”. Easily one of the worst episode titles this season.

Stray Observations:

• a man appears to die in the cold open. The diner gang loudly discusses disposing of the body, and not a single customer turns around to see what’s going on.
• we know how big a deal using the girls’ shower is from back in Season 5.
• Sophie’s reaction after Max says she’s more like “Reality Check Rita”: “Why the hell have I been calling you Max?”
• “I don’t know; everything got blurry after she touched my boobs.”
• Jessica was played by Mikaela Hoover, who was also Jackie, Dave’s too-young girlfriend on Happy Endings. Man, what a great show.
• “The party favours could be little compasses that lead you to your table!”
• Also, yes, Max and Han kiss. They gave that away in the commercial, though.
• “This really is the golden age of TV.”
• Earl recently caught up on The Walking Dead. “…it hit a little too close to home.”

Let’s be 100% real, was anyone actually watching 2 Broke Girls on CBS when the finale of The Bachelor was airing on ABC? It was impossible for me to stop from thinking about that truly momentous occasion while watching this episode, and as such I couldn’t help but notice how even the writers had their attention-

Stolen Away For A Second

To start with, there’s Bobby’s iPhone. Max is the first to notice its design, but later Han gleefully points out that he and Bobby are “Rose Gold buddies!”

How could I, or any other Bachelor enthusiast, hear that and not immediately think of Rose Buddies, a podcast hosted by Rachel and Griffin McElroy, the latter of MBMBaM fame? Its closed Facebook group currently boasts almost 11,000 members, with hundreds more joining every week. Not only that, but it’s of such high quality that many claim to only listen to the podcast, without actually watching the reality dating show from week to week.

Upon seeing Caroline and Bobby patch things up Earl somewhat bitterly notes-

“Great, two white people falling in love. You’ll never see that on TV!”

-which, yeah, is The Bachelor/Bachelorette in a nutshell.

I mentioned not too long ago that chances are Season 6 of 2 Broke Girls will be 22 episodes. That means that “And the Alley-Oops” is the antepenultimate installment, and you would hope that at this point the showrunners would begin lining things up in preparation for the finale. Nope, this is just an episode about bowling.

Caroline and Bobby have some mild conflict, but even it describing it that way feels hyperbolic. Max is very much a footnote to the episode, and on the outskirts the rest of the diner gang get up to their own light shenanigans. In other words it’s pretty par for the course, as 2 Broke Girls has been lately, but at Episode 20 we should expect a little more.

All relationships have their share of secrets, big and small, and Bobby’s is [hilariously] that he likes to bowl. His confession is treated a lot like Zeke’s, from High School Musical, when the jock admits that he “likes to bake”.  Initially reticent to share, Bobby understands the apparent stigma surrounding the sport and tells Caroline directly that “We can have separate things!”

The episode proceeds in a very formulaic fashion. Caroline’s disregards Bobby’s assurance and throws herself into supporting him and his team. Along the way she injures Frank, their star player, and then Max, who fills in with surprising ease [she used to be on a team in juvie, “The Girls Who Escaped When the Guards Took Us to the Bowling Alley”]. At which point Caroline must take her place to help them win the tournament, her first attempt being one of the few genuinely funny moments in the episode:

It’s flawlessly directed straight into the gutter.

The one swerve introduced is after Caroline ends up pulling off a spare, with her second try knocking down all of the pins [complete with the theme from Chariots of Fire], it’s revealed that Max was the one who knocked them all down. It’s a pleasant surprise, to be sure, but not quite enough to offset the thoroughly predictable lead up to it.

What’s frustrating to me is how Bobby isn’t frustrated by the course of events. Her obnoxious cheering at the bowling alley doesn’t grate at his nerves, and her maiming Frank doesn’t lead to any sort of strong emotional reaction from him. They’re so confident that Max is going to win the game for them that it’s shocking he doesn’t explode at Caroline when she inadvertently takes her out of the game as well.

The fact of the matter is that sitcoms require some form of conflict. It’s not satisfying when the two reconcile, because their relationship was never really in jeopardy to begin with. While Modern Family is a far cry from the heights it once reached, one element they successfully pull off week after week is the embarrassment and shame that inevitably results when someone is proven wrong by a person they’re close to. There’s no biting back of pride with either Caroline or Bobby. He tells her that she’s “never coming here again,” but all it does is repeat his initial statement that they can have different things.

As a result there’s no real progression to their relationship. Max has spent a lot of time throwing her best friend under the bus for being boring and vanilla, but that actually seems to be the case for her and Bobby. If their relationship is what 2 Broke Girls is going to focus on in order to raise ratings I would advise an immediate course correction.

In other news, if Max isn’t going to be the centre of attention it looks like the show is going to fall back on her being the weird little Danny DeVito-y gremlin we last saw in the 16th episode. Again, I’m not trying to bodyshame or anything, but the direction apparently seems to be for Kat Dennings to hunch over and do little inhuman jigs.

As Bobby says, “what [she’s] doing now is very off-putting.”

Current Total: $6,922.14.

New Total: $7,836.72. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The Title Refers To: An accident [hence the “oops”] that takes place in a bowling alley. Does not refer to an offensive play in basketball where one player throws the ball near the basket for a teammate to catches in mid air and score with.

Stray Observations:

• The cold open features  a drug-sniffing dog. Max tokes up not fifteen feet away and it does nothing.
• Oleg’s family won Family Feud in Ukraine. “…it takes intelligence to kill another family.”
• The diner gang calls Han a dumb baby and then mock his “giant potato head”. It’s really ugly teasing that wouldn’t feel out of place in earlier seasons.
• Sophie and Oleg bring little baby Barbara to the bowling alley as a means of stimulating her intellect. After all, it is a place full of “flashing lights and fist fights”.
• “Wow, a curtain on the sex booth? Classy place. They had the same thing on the sex booth where we voted.”
• Caroline knows what’s going on in Max’s room due to the sounds of the Sex Bell and Hand Stuff Buzzer.
• I’ve never seen 3 Men and a Baby, but-

This week’s feature is about ethics!

This Feature Is About Ethics

Frank is really dumb!

This is explicitly stated when Max says:

“Cute and dumb. Where have you been all my life?”

Frank actually confirms this when he discloses:

“Well, I was in high school for ten years.”

Frank is so dumb it’s heavily implied that he doesn’t understand sex, and therefore is unable to give consent!

That said, Max is going to work on that with him!

That sounds like the abuse of a disabled person!

Look, at this point pretty much everything is pointing towards 2 Broke Girls not getting a Season 7. I have a Google Alert set up for any related news, and week after week I’m sent articles tracking its flagging viewership and overall ratings. At 4.6 million, last month’s “And the Alley Oops”  marks the smallest audience the show has ever had throughout the course of it airing. What’s more, at the time of this writing CBS still has yet to renew the sitcom for its 2017 fall lineup.

With all of that being said, and this very likely being the penultimate episode, I’m definitely realizing very late in the game that this show is all about Ms. Caroline Channing.

It’s an odd prospect to consider given how much the sitcom has focused on Kat Dennings’ Max Black. Dennings objectively has the larger personality and star power, given her minor role in the Thor franchise. Considering how much 2 Broke Girls has doubled down on their crass humour and one-liners, Max shares the title role but commands a larger portion of the spotlight. So what do I mean when I say it’s really all about Caroline?

Because Caroline is the entire reason the premise of 2 Broke Girls exists.

Sure, without Caroline in the picture Max continues working in The Williamsburg Diner, which she does now, but there are some significant differences. Max never learns to expand on her baking ability, or get her GED, or co-own not one, but several, businesses, or, and this is most important to the show, make close connections to the people around her.

It’s very easy to argue that without having met and befriended and lived with Caroline the chances of Max one day witnessing a baby ride around in its own little car, and considering that baby’s mother one of her friends, drop down to zero.

They see me rolin’, they hatin’-

Caroline Channing is the catalyst of 2 Broke Girls, the reason there’s a New Total tally at the end of every episode to begin with. Not that we’re trying to count up to any particular number at this point, but right now her and Max are profiting and keeping track, as opposed to whatever hand-to-mouth lifestyle the latter was living previously.

So why does everything feel so abruptly centred around her now?

The answer to that, which I’ve intimated in past reviews, is that “2 Broke Girls has never been great about balance.” As far as a central focus the pendulum tends to swing from one extreme to the next, a strong emphasis on Max’s relationship with Randy that eventually makes way for Caroline and Bobby. It’s so much more jarring here at the end, however, because, well . . . it’s the end. Or at least we think it is.

With the last 2 Broke Girls episode ever possibly in our sights what we expect as viewers is for there to be some kind of end goal for both Broke Girls. Previous finales have ramped up to their reaching a particular milestone in their business, a shared triumph for the two of them.

I suppose that Caroline’s big movie could be that, sort of. Remember that? Both her and Max spent almost a fifth of Season 5 in Hollywood, starting with “And the Lost Baggage” and wrapping things up by “And the Pity Party”. The film based on her life story of riches to rags to somewhat-richer-but-still-poor-at-least-by-the-standards-of-this-show is finally being released, and the only reason no one knew about it is because Sophie is terrible at forwarding mail.

It’s a potentially exciting time for them, but it’s all about Caroline when it’s revealed that Candy Andy, who we last saw getting married at the start of Season 5, is who she ends up with in the movie. As a result he’s also invited to the press junket, and due to his marriage falling apart ends up wanting her back.

There’s a bit of fun with her current beau Bobby stifling and becoming “violently jealous”, though Caroline’s indecision over what to do given that some screenwriter though Andy was the one for her isn’t nearly as compelling. What’s more, Andy’s confessing that he’s ludicrously wealthy [he tripped on a fat kid and fell on a skinny kid at Six Flags], in the lame hopes of beating out Bobby in that way, is likewise poorly executed. There’s no real conflict for Caroline, in spite of the fact that he’s offering her a shot at her old life. She appears to want what he’s teasing her with, but no more than Bobby, it turns out, and it’s ultimately played up as a joke.

At the end of it all Caroline commands the narrative of the episode, and doesn’t end up doing much with it. Max does her own thing on the sidelines. This episode, with the next being the finale, has them coming up on the premiere of a “2 Broke Girls Movie“, but then what? Whatever the conclusion is, at least to this season, I’m hoping it’s a satisfying one for both leads.

Current Total: $7,836.72.

New Total: $9,999.12. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The Title Refers To: A dais, which is “a low platform for a lectern, seats of honor, or a throne,” which in this case is clearly where the press junket takes place. My best guess is that “Rock Me on the Dais” is a play on words on “Rock Me Amadeus”, a 1985 song by Austrian pop star Falco. Not that the episode itself has anything to do with that hit at all.

Stray Observations:

• Max’s accountant, who she met in a dumpster, said “[They’re] not doing great, by the way,” though they very clearly are.
• The heart machine at Rite-Aid said Max was 80 and printed her a prescription for a wheelchair.
• “And Barbara wanted to show off her car, because- you girls are poor.” Again, this can hardly be true anymore.
• “Shouldn’t he be old enough to go by ‘Candrew Andrew’ at this point?” This is referenced again later, but to diminishing returns.
• “I get it, why break your six-year streak?” I’m not even going to pretend I care about continuity in this show anymore.
• Daisy, on the PR team, has such big pupils because Kylie Jenner threw a full can of Sprite at her head once. I have no idea if this episode was written and filmed when her sister’s Pepsi fiasco took place or not.
• Caroline to the actor playing Candy Andy: “Should it be awkward between us since you’re playing one of a long string of two ex-boyfriends?”
• If this is the penultimate episode ever of 2 Broke Girls, aren’t we glad they broke out the pedophilia jokes again?

“You two are like me and my 8th Grade science teacher. Just can’t keep your hands off each other.

“Max you ruined Mr. Brillstein’s life.”

• “You’re sweating like skinny Jonah Hill trying to be funny or fat Jonah Hill trying to be serious-“
• “CAN YOU AT LEAST GIVE ME ONE THING OF MY OWN, EARL?” Typically Sophie yelling is grating, but that line was really funny.
• “My mom said I had to start helping out in this family if I wanted unlimited data.”
• “I’m sorry, Caroline, I just couldn’t stand the thought of you doing it with another guy once a week. In the beginning.”

Han had a line about children’s programming, and given that I’m somewhat of an aficionado of live action sitcoms for a demographic I aged out of long ago, I think it’s time for-

Evan Shows Off His Knowledge of Children’s Programming

Max’s character, in the movie based on Caroline’s life, is being played by an actress named Vanessa Robinson. Han excited shares, upon finding this out:

“Vanessa Robinson is on my favourite Disney show: That’s So Vanessa Robinson!”

Matthew Moy, who plays Han, has actually starred on his fair share of tween sitcoms, starring with a three episode stint on iCarly. He was also on one episode of Big Time Rush, with those two shows together created by, and airing on, Nickelodeon.

When it comes to Disney, however, he’s done much more. Moy appeared on Zeke and Luther, Big Time Rush, and Good Luck Charlie in 2010, all of which are live action sitcoms for either the Disney Channel or Disney XD. Two years later, after he was already a solid part of the 2 Broke Girls cast, he had a role in Kickin’ It, also for the latter channel.

It’s just an interesting connection I couldn’t ignore. Unfortunately he doesn’t have a reel anywhere that I could find, but if you do some digging it shouldn’t be too hard to locate the specific episodes.

Also Disney has never, ever made another show with the same title format as the hit That’s So Raven.

Is this the end of 2 Broke Girls? That’s a question that may have been on your mind while watching this episode, and which I’m actually going to be addressing a little later this week. For now let’s live in the moment and break down whether or not “And 2 Broke Girls: The Movie” was a successful season finale.

This is the fifth I’ve reviewed, so in addition to what’s expected of a typical season finale it’s also worth considering how 2 Broke Girls in particular tends to wrap things up. For the past few episodes what can only be assumed are the profits from Max and Caroline’s Dessert Bar have been climbing, but without any indication as to why that number is important. Now that the season is coming to a close tradition dictates that money come back into focus.It’s been quite a while since I last brought up Dan Harmon’s basic story structure, which he used to guide Community and very likely continues to employ with Rick & Morty. While there are eight distinct points, as well as a helpful graph, it essentially boils down to: a status quo is altered then reverted, but with the character[s] having changed. Say what you will about the show, but 2 Broke Girls truly exemplifies this.

Right off the bat we have Caroline telling Han that she and Max are moving up in the world, and that they’re giving their two weeks notice from the diner. It’s a significant step, especially given that all of the sitcom’s promo material revolves around their ugly waitress uniforms. That being said, and with their closing last week with almost $10K, it looks like a huge shift for the titular duo. At least until disaster strikes, as it is wont to do.

Caroline manages to, with a little help from Bobby, destroy a ludicrously expensive dress at the premiere of her biopic, which we’re finally told is titled The Princess and the Ponzi. Before she can even begin begging Han for their jobs back he extends an olive branch and offers to rehire them first. Consider the status quo stuck to.

The most groundbreaking thing that happens actually has nothing to do with money.

That’s right, not only is Randy back, but he’s down on one knee, and for non-sexual purposes!

I re-read my review to the Season 5 finale in preparation for this one, and it reminded me just how strong the emotional beats in that episode were. Randy and Max part ways, and Kat Dennings pulls out all the stops, presenting us with probably the best performance the show has ever featured [up to that point and until now]. While this proposal doesn’t quite reach those heights, it appears to be a clear callback to that finale, and may be just what it takes to draw audiences back in.

“You say you love me, you say you can’t live without me, and then you go and live without me.”

That’s just one of several lines that Dennings drops, such a far cry from the cheap snark or clownish physical comedy she often utilizes, and does elsewhere in this episode. They’re in response to Randy coming on strong, and when he tells her that he “[doesn’t] want to live without [her]” she doesn’t hesitate in asking him to prove it. And down he goes.

As in down on one knee, like in the screenshot, you pervs.

Much like last week, Bobby and Caroline’s relationship suffers a mishap so brief that using either word feels like an overexaggeration. She’s being fussy about his general appearance for the red carpet event, but the problem is he never expresses that it bothers him. In the end she’s the one who approaches him to apologize, and he forgives her immediately, saying that he understands the pressure the situation might lead to, and that it logically “brought up what I hope is the worst in you”. Injecting conflict into their romance is appreciated, but it appears perfunctory at best, dictated by convention and not by the narrative itself.

The finale closes with Max telling Caroline that she got her wish, they’re both wish someone now. Still working at the diner and [supposedly] without a cent to their name, but having succeeded in another, arguably more important part of their lives. Again, I’m not going to go into the likelihood of Season 7 just yet, but as it stands this isn’t a terrible place to end. If the general message is going to be that love matters more than money they could certainly do far worse.

Current Total: $9,999.12.

New Total: $0.00. Back to rock bottom.

The Title Refers To: The movie that’s based on Max’s and Caroline’s time together. It’s a much more balanced title than The Princess and the Ponzi.

Stray Observations:

• “So it has been quite a journey. But through it all the key for me has been bravery and the deep down knowledge that I am better than everyone else.”
• The Princess and the Ponzi has received Oscar buzz! For Sound Editing.
• “Your clothes, your hair, your face. Also your walk’s not great.”
• As per uje, 2paragraphs has a decent write-up on exactly who special guest star Brad Goreski is.
• Upon hearing about the $10K dress: “I could own and operate an Old Navy for that!”
• “Can I have some of that ‘Deal With Caroline’ Juice?” Max and Bobby share a few fun bonding moments in the limo, and makes me wish so badly that the writers decided to have their connection be the source of conflict between him and Caroline.
• I’ve scaled back on Sophie and Oleg being abusive parents quite a bit recently, but here’s a screenshot of her swinging a kielbasa in front of her daughter to wow red carpet paparazzi:

• Also apparently Sophie’s dress it literally made out of a red carpet, but as far as I can tell this is not the case.
• “This is worse than Eric Stonestreet’s nip slip.”
• Olmeca Altos Plata tequila makes another appearance in this episode, and I swear they must have thrown some money CBS’ way to pull this off.
• “Max George Black. I love you.”
• Han’s flush with cash now that they’ve stopped making Doctor Who figurines.
• “I’m keeping my name, by the way. It’d be weird for people to call me ‘Randy’.”

Given that Season 7 is a little up in the air right now, I thought it would be good for me to fall back on a Season 4 stalwart feature for old time’s sake:

2 Broke Girls Cheesecake/Beefcake Menu

Back in the day Max wasn’t periodically doing little goblin jigs, and as a whole there were a lot more attention drawn to either her breasts or Caroline’s legs. “Cheesecake” of course refers to art that plays up women’s sexual attractiveness in women, and in conjunction with “menu” is a fun play on words given that they work in a diner. Anyway. Here’s Caroline’s wardrobe malfunction:

I can’t explain why exactly her dress unravels like that, or how it got attached to Bobby’s suit, or how he doesn’t realize that he’s pulling her across the floor, but there it is. I am sorry, though, that I didn’t figure out how to make these gifs before now.

“Beefcake” is, well, the male equivalent, and there’s been much more of that thanks to Randy’s appearance on the show. The episode closes with him and Bobby getting into a physical altercation, due to the former being the reason that the latter’s family was screwed out of reality TV deal.

As Max says, “Is it weird that I think that’s a little hot?” And no, Max, it isn’t.

Way back in early 2012 I posted a three-part series about two sitcoms that had premiered the previous fall. Covering 2 Broke Girls‘ and New Girl‘s respective casts, styles of humour, and approaches to race, these posts exist as a window into their first seasons as well as an unfortunate snapshot of some embarrassingly unrefined writing from yours truly [with some unrefined opinions as well, as my perspective on Morgan Freeman and Black History Month has certainly shifted since then].

All credit where it’s due, both have come a long way since their inceptions, and in generally positive ways. While not shying away from their trademark “classy-dirty” style of comedy, 2 Broke Girls eased off of the racist humour and began giving their secondary cast members more screen time and character development. New Girl had Hannah Simon’s Cece join the primary cast, with Damon Wayans Jr. even returning for a lengthy stint after his departure following the pilot. I feel fairly confident in saying that neither show every truly dipped in quality, which is saying a lot for the medium and genre they share. I would even go so far as to say that both managed to improve with each passing season.

Now, in 2017, there were a few weeks where the fate of these two sitcoms was in question. To address them consecutively…

2 Networkless Girls?

After months of reviews in which I mused on the future of the show I finally penned a post in April asking “Is 2 Broke Girls Cancelled?”. It has since garnered more comments than anything else on this blog. In it I catalogued what the creators and industry insiders had to say about its future, as well as my personal opinion as someone who has reviewed 101 episodes of the show. I felt like, as someone who stuck with 2 Broke Girls longer than the contributors to its very own wiki even did I was allowed some say.

It was Deadline that pulled back the curtain on the fact that CBS was airing a sitcom that was produced for Warner Bros. That same outlet also broke the news that the network had axed 2 Broke Girls. CBS scheduling director Kelly Kahl is quoted as saying that, as far as she knows:

“it was a creative decision more than anything else. It was not a show we own but we picked up (new comedy series Me, Myself & I and By The Book) from Warner Bros. So I don’t think it was a business decision, I think it was creatively we felt it was time.”

It’s noted that the show made Warner Bros. a very significant amount of money per episode. In spite of being a key players in their weekday lineup, CBS appears to be searching for something else they can wholly own, distribute, and profit from. Kahl even says in the same breath as “was not a show [they owned]” that it was “a creative decision”, but as with all art it comes down to profits.

Renewed Girl?

In an interview with The Daily Beast way back in March Jake Johnson, who plays Nick, admitted that, as far as he knew, “I think after this season it’s done.” The outlet very reasonably took this to be a good sign that the sitcom was coming to a permanent end, titling their article “Jake Johnson: ‘New Girl’ Almost Definitely Ending After Season 6”.

Then, just one day shy of Fox announcing their 2017-2018 schedule, it was announced that New Girl would be receiving a final shortened season. It was Johnson, who again introduced the idea that things were likely wrapping up, who ended up confirming the remaining number of episodes left on Twitter:

Deadline also points out that throughout its entire run New Girl was the network’s highest rated comedy, which certainly helps position it against 2 Broke Girls, which had The Big Bang Theory to contend with. As far as further reasons for its renewal, there was the mention that the show is “a legacy series for Fox”, and as a result “will be getting a proper sendoff”.

Given that both shows were seemingly on the chopping block and only one made it out alive, I looked to see what the reactions were to 2 Broke Girls‘ cancellation.

Who Cares? The Stars, For One

I’ve never hidden my deep appreciation for Beth Behrs, who plays Caroline, and her knack for physical comedy. More often than not she was the bright spot that could save an episode for me. While it’s currently unknown what she has lined up, my hope is that she eventually finds her way back to TV but on a much better show. Her response was seemingly optimistic:

Kat Dennings’ was, well, appropriate to her character Max. Enjoy, if you can, her rendition of Semisonic’s most popular tune:

Behrs had more to say, tweeting a message from both her and Dennings to their fans, a hugging gif to her co-star, and lastly, and hilariously, stated that she [and others] would miss the horse the most:

Who Cares? The Critics, Apparently

Perusing the internet it wasn’t difficult to find fans mourning the loss of a favourite sitcom, and presumably many of them are the very same people who commented on that post I wrote regarding its possible cancellation. That said, there were also a few voices who definitely don’t hold themselves among that number, yet still had something to say.

Over at The Boston Globe Matthew Gilbert requests that readers “send [their] prayers [his] way” in an article that wonders “What will this critic use as a punching bag if ‘2 Broke Girls’ is canceled?” He asks a few more things in the following block quote that accurately sums up his take:

“Now what bad comedy can I kick around with abandon and name as a handy symbol of the worst of network TV comedy? What title can I use to signify all the many qualities of a thoroughly banal show without having to detail them each time? A critic needs a punching bag, you know.”

Emily Yahr of The Washington Post also wrote an article with a question in its title, this one about its actual content. For those who might be unfamiliar with the comedy she provides the context and setting for the vast majority of 2 Broke Girls‘ raunchy jokes, allowing her readers to come to their own conclusions [i.e. it takes place in a diner, yes, a diner]. While Yahr never outright states her opinion it’s fairly easy to determine it by reading between the lines.

“My Emotions, My Emotions!”

Cue my favourite Community reaction gif-

-as I thought it would be appropriate to provide my own personal opinion on last month’s announcements on these two shows.

To start with, regarding 2 Broke Girls, I largely echo Gilbert and Yahr’s sentiments. The number of episodes I reviewed just barely broke into three digits, and I began watching with the pilot. Not only does its cancellation mark the end of a pretty crappy show, it also indicates an end to a job of sorts.

Those who have been following my reviews since the beginning will remember that I took on this assignment once The A.V. Club dropped their coverage, more than eager to fill the gap that had just been vacated. As the four years passed I found myself wondering each spring if I would need to pick things back up after the summer, which up until now had always been followed by disappointment.

In the end I’ll admit to appreciating how 2 Broke Girls made me a better writer over the course of its running. I will always appreciate the moments, few and far between, when I was able to photoshop a little something together for my reviews. I want to remind readers that this show featured Sam Hart’s “Mario Kart Love Song” in one episode, and honestly how incredibly cool is that? And, lest we forget, there were the many features over the years. Searching each and every episode for the same Maxoline fodder the shippers were, keeping tally of how the showrunners leveraged the sex appeal of its stars so that I could make note of it in the “2 Broke Girls Cheesecake Menu”. It’s been a ride, and much of it has been incredibly bumpy, but overall I don’t regret the experience.

As a peek behind the curtain, and a final point, let it be known that 2 Broke Girls reviews have for quite some time taken up the lion’s share of hits on this site.

Contrast all of that with how I felt after watching Season 6 of New Girl come to a close. There was such an air of finality to it that even before reading any of what Johnson had to say I was certain that things were over. As that realization sank in I came painfully close to having an anxiety attack, which I avoid outright stating if only to be respectful of those who have for a fact had to weather them in their own lives. I truly felt that there would be no more New Girl, and actively struggled with a sense of profound loss.

After calming down and dwelling on it I realized that New Girl was and is the last show I began watching with friends during college, which was a pretty great time. I’ve long connected screen media with specific places and people, and thinking that I was seeing it go was hard. When talking about this show on this blog it’s more often than not been about its approach to diverse casting, but it’s also a painfully funny sitcom that has always treated its characters and their relationships with love and respect. I had an emotional reaction to both pieces of news, but an objectively stronger one for the latter.

Which unearths a topic we’ve covered here time and time again, about art, the artist, and the consumer. How engaging with entertainment is a tricky and often problematic and ultimately complex task that we all undertake on a daily basis. To put it another way, it’s a conversation that lies at the heart of Culture War Reporters.

Those who continue to tune in week after week may have been wondering about what’s happening to this blog, and the truth that I’ve neglected to share is how little time I’ve personally had available to devote to it in recent months. At this point there are still a handful of posts I want to get to, and have already decided that CWR will always remain up with the url you’re all so familiar with, but it’s been a long six years. Hopefully before the month is up I’ll have more concrete answers for those of you who want and need them, but until then thanks once again for tuning in.