It sure is weird that CBS released their first 2 Broke Girls episode of the season on January 5th, and then skipped a week. Not a great way to build up momentum. Not that I’m complaining, honestly, because a) it’s always nice whenever I get to take a break and b) that last installment was super racist and I was not having it.

Thankfully the worst part about this episode is that I can’t find any gifs of Jenko freaking out about lambos from 22 Jump Street. Man, that’s a franchise I am always going to be behind. Anyway, to the episode-

This is one of those weeks where not a whole lot happens in these twenty-some minutes of TV. In fact, I think I can summarize it in half a dozen bullet points:

• It’s Caroline’s birthday! She is optimistic.
• Her dad, Martin Channing, bought her a Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4 Roadster! But they have to return it in the morning.
• Caroline is now pessimistic.
• Max roofies her and drives her to the Hamptons, which she waxed poetic about.
• They squabble at the beach, but make up and return to the diner!
• Oleg means to propose to Sophie and then does so.

That being said, this was not a bad episode overall.

It’s been a while since I’ve linked to it, but allow me to once again bring up the concept of the “hang-out sitcom”, or the sort of show where the audience basically enjoys watching people enjoy spending time with one another. Now the writer of that article, Todd VanDerWerff, condemns them, or at least their oversaturation of the airwaves, but while watching 2 Broke Girls tonight I actually found myself liking that aspect of the show. Or, that is to says, I found myself gaining an even greater appreciation for Beth Behrs.

Now it should be no mystery to any of you that I consider her the most consistent comedy MVP of every Monday night on CBS, but her character is actually not terrible to be “around”. While it’s hard for me to fathom that there might be people who feel this way about Oleg or Sophie [the studio audience’s cheering notwithstanding] it started to make sense to me why people continue to tune in week after week. 2 Broke Girls has become a half hour timeslot where audiences can watch characters they like and not be bogged down.

Bogged down by conflict, to be more specific, and [really, read that article I linked to] while this episode has it you can rest assured it doesn’t exist for more than five minutes. As weird as it is to write, I feel like the show has pared away the thorns of crude humour [which will sprout back] to make way for the soft, pillowy, comforting petals of feel-good TV. There’s a lot to be said about that, especially taking into consideration Gordon’s earlier discussion of what art should be, but I’m going to leave it as is and see if next week backs it up anymore.

Lots of great lines tonight too, which certainly doesn’t hurt.

Current Total: $13,945.

New Total: $13,545. I’m going to assume it was spent on gas. That’s all I’ve got.

The Title Refers To: One of my all-time favourite film franchises [alongside the 2_ Jump Street movies, of course], or at least the one that started with Fast Five and turned the Vin Diesel vehicles’ [pun fully intended] focus from street racing to insane heists.

Stray Observations:

• Oleg’s familiarity with the CPR doll [“Oh. Hey, Judy.”] Made me think of “Exodus”, a short story from Chuck Palahniuk’s Haunted. If you’ve read it you know how uncomfortable that train of thought made me.
• He’s also popping the question to Sophie, which Max makes that super gross by saying that he’s “already popped everything else.”
• “I thought a girl’s best friend was someone a little fatter than her.”
• Oleg’s whole story about his ring that culminated in it being “doody free” was actually really impressive, comedically. Props, writers’ room.
• “All my father gave me was that one iffy chromosome.”
• Caroline’s impression of Sophie was a pure delight.
• Han, in reference to them not being able to use the car in spite of it being there: “That’s like me having you two for waitresses-“
• “I would’ve gotten the car and driven up to the Hamptons and we’d sit on the beach all night, have lobster caught by one of the townies, drink champagne while taking duck face selfies until the sun came up.”
• The duck face she made right after that line was great.
• “Max, you did it again, you roofied me didn’t you-“
• Max on never having been to the beach: “No, what’s the point, I don’t own a metal detector.”
• “We are in very big trouble and we’re not even in the GOOD Hamptons!”
• “I am a ride or die kind of bitch!”
• “Are you Googling ‘ride or die kind of bitch?'”
• Caroline’s age dating window tops out at 40. Max’s is twice that.
• Oleg proposes to Sophie in a) the place they met, b) the place they’ve had sex most often, and c) the place they’ve had sex most recently. It’s her booth.
• Maybe It’s Maxoline: Some people on tumblr thought that their scene on the beach was romantic, but I wasn’t really feeling it.
• 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake Menu: Caroline’s legs on the beach, I guess. No, I don’t guess. I know.

Speaking of “meltdowns” I totally had the best melt for dinner [not a grilled cheese, as some may incorrectly call them]. It had cheese, obviously, as well as homemade guacamole and spinach. The second also had kimchi [I should mention I actually ate two of them]. Now that my prose-version of Instagram is over, I suppose we should move along to the episode itself-

Now last week’s review was pretty short and sweet, but I mentioned, as I have many times before, that this is a show that focuses a little too closely on its titular characters. Max and Caroline are the headlining act for sure, but every other member of the cast appears to be relegated to bit players at best. This episode appears to be the writers’ room forcing me to eat my words.

The person doing the moving in happens to be Oleg, and the place he happens to be moving into happens to be Sophie’s apartment. This is apparently something he’s been looking forward to for the past three years, so of course it’s anything but easy. The problem starts when every one of his belongings that is brought up [by Han, for some reason] is immediately sent back down by his significant other.While he seems to take this in stride, things don’t blow up until the dinner party Sophie hosts in order to get rid of some soon-to-expire beef.

Their argument involves a painting of this [in]famous photograph.

Things wrap up in the back of a moving truck amidst Oleg’s filthy belongings. Caroline helps the Eastern Europeans through their issues and then . . . there’s what appears to be genuine emotional expression [that isn’t from either star]. The fry cook tells Sophie that “[he doesn’t] care about [his] stuff so long as [he has her].” Their relatinship appears to be headed in a very real, very serious direction. We end feeling the same way Max and Caroline do, flabbergasted at what just happened.

Now if any characters were going to receive the spotlight next it would have to be Oleg and Sophie, given their relationship with one another in addition to interacting with the two girls. Han is still [insert flaw here, in this case weakness] and for some reason we are obsessed with Earl’s age this week. That being said, it’s most definitely a step in the right direction. I can’t see them carrying episodes like this week to week, but it’s a delightfully refreshing change of pace to be sure.

Oh, and a lot of great lines tonight as well. I feel like the writing may have improved a lot in recent weeks [either that or I’m getting soft in my old age].

Current Total: $13,545.

New Total: $13,395. There was a very minor plot point about purchasing heat lamps for their new outdoor seating area [see banner image]. They were what cost $150, but honestly I feel like the only reason they were mentioned was so that the total would change between episodes.

The Title Refers To: Oleg moving into Sophie’s apartment, weren’t you paying any attention?

Stray Observations:

• I feel like tumblr may have begun to fall out or love with 2 Broke Girls, if their output of animated gifs of the show is any indicator.
• “Well our new outdoor seating area is about as popular as Paula Deen at an NBA game.”
• Sherry’s List is just like Craigslist, but “without the high probability of being murdered by a deranged medical student.”
• “From now on the booty call is coming from inside the house” sounds like the worst kind of horror story.
• “I know Jesus has a girl for me. He has to, I’m $400 deep into that damn website.”
• “Haha! Someone fell in real life!”
• “Really, Han, it’s like your arms are only there for decoration.”
• “Can’t it ever just be about me!?”
• “Is it me or is this party as tense as hell? I don’t think Sophie and Oleg are gonna make it.”
• “Why are his nipples so big?” / “They don’t seem that big to me.”
• “What? Is it throwing off this gorgeous indoor outdoor swing?”
• I don’t think Goodwill will take a loveseat that is actually covered in love…”
• Maybe It’s Maxoline: Nada.
• 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake Menu: Zilch.
• Dated References Galore [Filler Feature]: Jokes about Rihanna and Chris Brown [domestic violence took place in 2009] and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull [which premiered in 2008. If this episode aired six years ago people would have no idea it was from the distant future of 2015.

Is this 2 Broke Girls‘ most daring episode? I say that, of course, because this episode features Max and Caroline spending a very short amount in jail, a place that is interchangeably referred to by a handful of characters as “prison”. What I’m referring to is the very reason, as it so happens, that I missed reviewing this last night as I usually do:

It’s Orange is the New Black.

Arguably Netflix’s most well-known original series [sorry, House of Cards], Orange is the New Black has been a cultural phenomenon that has only been hindered, however briefly, by the extreme pause between seasons caused by their released in their entirety all at once. Incarcerated women now bring to mind Flaca [sorry, Piper, we all have our favourites] and the other inmates at Litchfield Penitentiary and the hardships and comforts their stays have awarded them. There’s a lot of pop culture baggage surrounding the topic, and yesterday night . . . well . . .

Yesterday night was your average twenty-some minutes of 2 Broke Girls.

After last week’s installment which concentrated heavily on the maturing relationship between two heavily accented Eastern Europeans [and took the spotlight off of the titular characters] for a very refreshing change of pace, we start things off with a cold open in the diner, Max serving yet another pack of eccentrics. What’s worse, she spouts off a rape joke just short of the 40 second mark. Yes, it’s the only one, but it ultimately feels like two steps forwards and one step back.

The plot is about as threadbare as it gets, with their first big order of t-shirts coming in to tie it loosely into the season’s overall narrative arc. There’s some flirtation between Caroline and a Jesus doppelganger that I’m surprised made it past the censors that results in her sleeping with him [twice, to her immense pride]. She forgets her rings at his place, however, and she and Max must break into his place due to him not texting her within the span of two weeks, something referred to as “The 2 Week Rule”. I’ve gotta pause here, if only because Max’s rules don’t quite approach the myriad that Barney Stinson introduced on another CBS sitcom that used to air on the same night.

Carrying along, their botched burglary results in them being thrown in the slammer where . . . nothing happens. I’m serious about that, too. Once they’re in the holding cell there’s a pretty weak joke about the tough tattooed inmate being very nice and inviting them to take part in a talent show that’s being put on. Soon after that they’re out again after making bail. They spend about 1/3 of the
episode in jail, but it seemed so short I felt I could have blinked and missed it. The fact that it doesn’t even approach the kind of depth [or humour, let’s be fair] of the aforementioned series kind of goes without saying.

I suppose I should mention that it also ties back into the Oleg-Sophie marriage storyline, as it’s Max agreeing to be Sophie’s maid of honour that convinces the Polish businesswoman to help them out. Between that and them following up on their t-shirt venture this episode appears to want to move things forward without actually doing much of anything. It’s filler at absolute best, and disappointing even without comparison to Orange is the New Black.

Last week appeared to be a real turning point for the show. My hope, however mild, is that we get more surprises and much, much less of the same.

Current Total: $13,395.

New Total: $3,395. Assuming that bail was $10K, this means that their entire bank loan has now been used up. No, this was never mentioned once.

The Title Refers To: Caroline loses some rings and they commit a crime. Pretty weak.

Stray Observations:

• Max serving a table of smokers: “Like I’m back in my mother’s womb, only there’s food here!”
• They got a bunch of Gildan shirts printed. That’s the same brand my college used to use for all their events.
• Their shirts number in the hundreds and they’re only selling 20 to that fancy boutique. How does that even work? If they’re selling them like this doesn’t that keep them from being unique?
• “I have an animal attraction to him.” / “What animal, the horny nerd?”
• “What are you two celebrating? I know it’s not a job well done.”
• The audience reacted audibly to that last line, which was new.
• “Skinny jeans are just boner x-rays.”
• “We don’t have crack here!”
• “I don’t have a game face. Unless the game is I-Give-Up-My-Life-Is-Over, then this‘ll do.”
• Caroline and Max’s gang names: White Lightning and The Blade
• “Well, orange you the new black?” Ah, there it is.
• Oleg owns 17 XXX movies with the title “Women’s Prison”.
• Maybe It’s Maxoline: Max almost runs away, leaving Caroline stuck for the cops to find her. She turns back to help and they don’t make a big deal out of it like they normally would. Weird.
• 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake Menu: Nein. But you can have this great shot of Caroline hamming it up for her mugshot:

I swear, “And the Move-In Meltdown” really spoiled me. Feel free to read the review of last-last week’s episode yourself, obviously, but let met just reiterate here that it felt like 2 Broke Girls was really mixing things up. Oleg and Sophie were carrying the narrative and creating and experiencing their own emotional beats, ones that Max and Caroline actually had no real part in. If you rewatch that episode you’ll see that they just happen to be around when the finale takes place. They exist in that scene simply to justify the show’s title.

What accompanied that momentary change of pace and plotting for me was actually the pilot episode, which I caught a few minutes of while at my granddad’s. With both of these in mind I was forced to put a lot of thought towards what I wanted from the show moving forward. If the reality is that I’m going to be reviewing every episode until its eventual cancellation [I predict a minimum of three more seasons] I should at the very least be tempering my expectations. Ideally I should keep them reasonable, while still considering how the show could improve.

Han, in particular, has come a very long way. Granted, he’s come to Max and Caroline’s rescue more than once at this point, but he’s given an unprecedented amount of dialogue this week in an anti-bullying speech he delivers to a cafeteria full of prep school girls. Here it is, with its very noticeable overuse of the word “little”:

“You see girls, the bad thing about being bullied is that every time it happens it steals a little piece of who you are. And then, if it happens enough, little by little, you become just a little less of who you were meant to be. And that’s not cool.

And these two girls up here without knowing it, i’m sure, stole a little piece of max and caroline when they stole their little idea. And that’s so not cool.”

It’s the fact that it’s not played up for laughs that makes it a big step for the character, and having a student take the mic right afterwards keeps Max from snarkily interjecting and killing the moment. Put in the context of that pilot, it also presents a character who no longer speaks heavily accented English. Seriously check it out, it’s cringe-worthy stuff-

-what’s more, we even have the sassy waitress promising to pull back on the sass a little bit. It’s not much, but it’s progress!

Right before we get into the episode itself, I also want to comment briefly on Max’s character progression from that pilot to the present day. What struck me more than anything else was how, well, normal she was. Yes, she’s introduced by trash-talking two customers wearing woolen hats [touques, as we call them up here], but it’s because they’re rude to her to begin with. What’s more her voice doesn’t bear that affectation it currently does. It’s hard to pin down, but I can really only liken it to the difference between Marshall Mather’s speaking voice and Eminem’s rapping voice. In focusing on this alone it’s a pretty great example of how the character has been “flanderized”, or essentially turned into a caricature of their original self. The following comic illustrates that very effectively [and is also the image used on the TV Tropes page I just linked to]:

Click the image above for the full “Evolution of Fictional Characters by Medium” on Cracked.com

It all comes back around to “And the Move-In Meltdown”, because whereas Max has been reduced [in part, not as a whole] to a quippy snark machine the exact opposite has happened to the supporting characters. Oleg was the perverted fry cook who is now moving towards a [presumably] lifelong relationship with Sophie, a heavily accented Polish woman who . . . okay, so she hasn’t progressed as much. Still, it’s an interesting observation, and generally optimistic as not every character is being boiled down to their very essence.

As for the episode itself, we’re still chugging right along with this whole t-shirt arc. Max and Caroline sell a fair amount of them [accounting for all their profits, as you can see below], so it hurts that much more when they realize that someone out there has copped their design. Add insult to injury when it turns out that the thieves are children. Rich children.

Now unfortunately this doesn’t lead to all that much material for Caroline to work with, which is strange given that they share the same sort of upbringing. Sure, she gets a few choice lines in here and there, but it’s not what you might expect.

They’re difficult, which is to be expected, leading them to coercing Han into pretending to be their lawyer [see his nifty getup above] to combat the C&D suit leveled at them. Their conflict with the high schoolers culminates in the speech that I already typed out, word for word, up above. Really the only reason I got this far is because 2 Broke Girls did something amazing. Now let me be upfront and say I only saw this episode once, but I think 2 Broke Girls was subtle!!!

See those two girls down at the bottom? They have those bandages on their faces because they got nosejobs. Because they’re rich. That’s the joke. That’s the visual gag and [as far as I can remember] neither Max or Caroline say anything about it. That is incredible. And it’s a nice downplayed piece of humour as well.

Now that I’ve written almost 900 words [that were more or less] about this episode it’s time to wrap things up. While Sophie and Oleg do continue their own arc with wedding planning taking place they don’t arrive at any form of narrative conclusion. Sophie is searching for a wedding planner and the show actually ends without her finding one. It’s not even really emphasized that her search was for naught. Yes, it’s nice that they haven’t been completely forgotten, but having a such a half-hearted attempt at a B-plot seems equally bad.

Oh, also Han ends the episode by saying “Back to normal!” and wow I hope that isn’t true.

Current Total: $3,395.

New Total: $3,675. Seeing as Caroline talks about doing decent business with their shirts, I’m guessing they sold 14 for $20 a pop.

The Title Refers To: Knockoff shirts that were potentially cutting into their profits, and the “knockout” of Han’s speech, I think?

Stray Observations:

• According to the cold open women do not like beards.
• The woman working at the store selling the knockoff tees is doing a PhD in Social Ecodynamics in Western Civilization.
• One of the girls’ names is Kemberly, “with an ‘E'”.
• I sure am glad they didn’t make fun of that one girl’s weight/size.
• “It’s like a bad eighties movie. I don’t know whether to date James Spader or teach this town how to dance.”
• Wow, they were really whooping for Sophie this episode. I say that a lot, but really though-
• “Caroline” is Sophie and Oleg’s safeword. It’s the one word they would never say during sex.
• Max thinks the lawyer in the subway “only does accidentes.”
• Han dressed up as Sprout from the Jolly Green Giant commercial. You laugh, but he won $500.
• “Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is a better actor than Max!”
• “Their charity is bullying. That’s like Kanye West trying to raise money for laying low.”
• “First, your lawyer looks like the teacher on a Disney show.”

  Here’s Matthew Moy on iCarly. Best I could do.

• If you want to thank Han just send him an edible arrangement, how often does he have to drop that hint?
• Maybe It’s Maxoline: Nada.
• 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake Menu: Zilch.
• Dated References Galore [brought it back]: “Wow, you’re carrying more issues than Amanda Bynes.”

Between the two titular characters [pun never intended] it should be plainly apparent to you all by now that Caroline is my favourite. Even if Max wasn’t as unfunny and abrasive as I personally find her the former heiress to the Channing fortune is still brimming with just the right amount of optimism and grim awareness about the reality of life to charm anyone. That being said she’s hasn’t received a lot of character work this season and I actually believe the show has been poorer for it.

“And the Great Unwashed” is all about Caroline trying to figure out who she is, or rather, who she wants to be. That sounds deep, I realize, especially for an episode of 2 Broke Girls, but stay with me. Is she a waitress? If she is, what does that mean for the one-time rich girl?

The episode begins with her receiving the Williamsburg Diner Award for “Best Waitress” and bemoaning the title. After the cold open she’s revelling in having one of their customers refer to her by name hair colour. All of a sudden her life has newfound meaning, she’s been recognized for her work. Then she sees herself captured in a photograph, immortalized in her polyester uniform in stark black and white. What’s more, the smile she wears with said uniform is openly mocked, said to be “a study of tragic, foolish optimism in a hopeless, dead end life.” That, and no one is bidding on the portrait. We’re back to square one, her occupation [and the identity it affords her] are an inescapable nightmare].

We’ve come such a long way since those that first season when Caroline actively struggled to grow accustomed to living a life of squalor and frugality. Since then we’ve gotten quite a bit of her acknowledging that this is where she is in life now, and that’s that. Ce n’est pas grave. What’s done is done. It’s easy to coast along through life and forgetting about past aspirations only to be stopped dead in your tracks by a grim reminder of where you are.

Ms. Channing is lifted out of her funk [sorry if that last paragraph put you into one] by Nola, photographer and diner regular, telling her that “a good photograph captures the truth”. No one buys that Caroline could ever be a waitress, so no one plans to buy the image. While this is a great way to leave the cast at their established status quo it does beg the question of what she is supposed to be.

If Caroline isn’t meant to be a waitress then what alternative is there? Is it independent cupcake shop owner? Office administrator at a pastry school? Trendy apparel vendor? If she’s not meant to don the polyester uniform that she’s wearing in all of the 2 Broke Girls promo imagery then what is in her future? And where is Max in all of this?

I’m bringing up a lot of questions that I obviously can’t answer, and that I honestly doubt the writers’ room has come up with at this point. It was nice seeing Caroline relive, however briefly, that struggle with her identity as a formerly wealthy socialite and her present position in the service industry, but if we’re meant to take it seriously then we need to see where that conflict leads her. If it’s to the realization that she’s happy where she is for now that’s fine, but we’re going to need to know sooner or later when she decides enough is enough.

Elsewhere, Sophie accuses Oleg of using a “boner/burner phone” to cheat on her. It turns out that he was using it to speak to his mother, which we all more or less assumed. At this point no one really believes that he will do anything but stay faithfully committed to their gross relationship, but it is still an effort to give the two characters something to do, which I will commend them for.

Current Total: $3,675.

New Total: $2,675. This makes no sense to me, as I was led to believe that Nola gave them her photograph of Caroline for free [and not for $1,000].

The Title Refers To: A term coined by Victorian novelist and playwright Edward Bulwer-Lytton for the lower classes. Also the name of Nola Anderz’s photography exhibit.

Stray Observations:

• The Williamsburg Diner Awards are no Dundies, I’ll tell you that.
• I thought that Beth Behrs had gotten a haircut in the cold open, but realized later that she just straightened her hair. Also she got it cut in the first episode of the season.
• Oleg got the Foreign Film Award for always being covered in a foreign film.
• I wish I had a gif of the face Han makes whenever Max says something snarky to him.
• “Don’t buy batteries from that guy unless you want your heart to stop on the bus.”
• Watch a better show about an Asian restaurant owner being stingy about croutons! Catch Fresh Off The Boat on Wednesday night on ABC!
• “No man. Just me in here with my vagina and my photographs.”
• Nola just wants to eat her croutons “without the vaudeville stylings of Shecky and Nosy.”
• For all the jokes they make, Han is really not all that much shorter than Earl.
• “Maybe you should hang yourself in the bathroom like I thought you would three years ago.”
• Eesh. That last joke was made so much darker when Earl said he lost $20 on that bet.
• Maybe It’s Maxoline: Maybe I should retire this feature?
• 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake Menu: And this one?
• Dated References Galore: Not really anything here, either…

At long last there appears to be an overlap between one of my favourite superheroes [Spider-Man] and one of my least favourite TV shows [this one], in a way that has the former redeem the latter in its own way. In the fifth issue of Superior Spider-Man supervillain Massacre approaches the manager of a big business, offering to kill a large number of people while wearing a shirt bearing her competitor’s logo. Here’s a splash page of him making his offer:

Which is all to say that Caroline freaking out about their brand being tarnished by a criminal wearing their shirt is actually fairly reasonable. Associations are created by everything from getting a particularly messy stomach bug while eating a certain type of cuisine for the first time to seeing a billboard crush three NYC tourists to death on the news. What I do want to focus on, however, is what the man in question did.

It turns out that the guy, Richard Griffin, AKA “Beer Belly Gym Shorts”, kidnapped three women and kept them trapped in his apartment for months. Now I don’t know if you remember the last few times crimes like this have been uncovered by the law, but it is always incredibly disturbing. There is a large amount of rape, is what I’m saying. The episode veers very far away from any implications that this guy was guilty of such acts, but still expects us to think that him wearing their shirt is a big deal. It’s a very fine like that the show traverses, and its success is up in the air as far as I’m concerned.

This is also a great time for me to briefly cover my whole beef with their shirt business. I’m glad the plot exists in that it’s giving them something to do, but as I mentioned in a previous review I continue to have no idea how they are allowing Barry’s hip clothing boutique to sell their shirts while also doing so themselves. Caroline even voices my confusion aloud, saying:

“Interesting, now our shirts are available at both Rodney’s, a high end Manhattan  boutique, and an apartment building that always smells a little bit like gasoline.”

Mind you, the latter was true because Max was literally giving them away for free to people in their building. I’m no businessman, but I understand a little bit about supply and demand, and that what they are doing makes the opposite of sense.

As it turns out, however, the “Cupcake Captor”, as the media has taken to calling him, as essentially ruined their apparel business. Rodney’s returns the order they were sent and suddenly Max and Caroline are back at square one. Sort of. I mean, they still have their actual business of selling cupcakes, which they rarely touch on anymore, and continue to be waiters at the Williamsburg Diner. Even still, Caroline is concerned as they still have that business loan to pay back, and their largest form of revenue is essentially sunk. With eight episodes left there are a number of directions they could head to fix this problem, though they’d probably get there faster if they weren’t spending so much money on streamers-

Please, no applause for my effortless segue. This episode also follows Oleg and Sophie’s impending nuptials, with the two girls working on throwing a wedding shower for the latter. Not much happens besides Max realizing come the end of the episode that she should get into the spirit of things and use pink decorations instead of black ones-

– which you could define as a character beat, though I wouldn’t. It also involved another great line from Caroline when she asks “Are Polish people always early, is that a stereotype I didn’t know about?” I found this funny because the last time I can remember them really getting into Sophie’s cultural heritage was when she said that “cats are the reincarnated souls of people who die outside,” a comment that raised the ire of actual Polish people in the comments section of that particular review.

Honestly, between this and former Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd decrying the show for a racist joke about Australian Aboriginals I singled out a few weeks ago, 2 Broke Girls is still not doing so hot. It makes you wonder why they would choose to have the “villain”, in that he threatens their livelihood, take on the implicit role of serial rapist. Though I guess it’s not something we should think too hard on.

More optimistically, I am actually looking forward to what comes next. Obviously Sophie and Oleg will have to tie the knot before the season is up [I don’t think there’s too large a chance of them backing out of that, narratively], but it will be interesting to see what effect the Sword of Damocles that is their business loan has on them.

To end with, and because I didn’t want to save this to the Stray Observations, every time she appears Channel 2 reporter Maria Alonso Gonzalez very clearly enunciates her name in a way I imagine the writers’ room would describe as “ethnic”. I hate to break it to them, but her name has absolutely nothing on Carlos Chiang O’Brien Gambe, the news anchor from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show on Nickelodeon right now-

Current Total: $2,675.

New Total: $1,475. Streamers are expensive, I guess? Maybe they also bought the food for Sophie’s shower as well.

The Title Refers To: Strangely enough, Richard Griffin’s captives, who actually don’t make an appearance in this episode.

Stray Observations:

• I quite liked the signature drinks that Han was making for the diner. The Max is straight whiskey that’s “on the rocks”, just like her job.
• Caroline saw a rat having sex with a cockroach in their closet. We all know what that means should make an appearance soon…

  Fig. 1 – The Cockamouse

• The shower is “for Sophie, it means a lot to her and she has a gun.”
• Max left “16 [shirts] for the Sanchezes, so about six of their kids will have to share.” That’s racist.
• On that note if there really are combination Baskin Robbins/Dunkin Donuts there’s no reason Das Racist couldn’t use them for song inspiration.
• Their apartment is seriously so big.
• Black toilet paper. “…the mystery of not knowing when you’re done.”
• The look in Agent Drake’s eyes as Sophie grinds on him has nothing to do with acting, it’s terror in its purest form.
• “This is so shocking. Max, you can read!”
• Sophie’s favourite sex move: on all fours while watching How To Get Away With Murder.
• Maybe It’s Maxoline: Nope.
• 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake Menu: Nay.
• Dated References Galore: “Well, analyze this, Focker!”

There were a lot of great things in this episode. First and foremost, the A-plot, which involved Max and Caroline trying to blackmail venture capitalist Owen Charles Boyd after his cat impregnates theirs. The fact that I could wrap it up in a single sentence underscores its simplicity. Once you’ve established the premise you’re free to concentrate on jokes and the absurdity that spins out of it, and the former has some wins [the latter I’ll get to].

While we’re staying positive, it was nice to see them back up the fact that the two girls live in a bad neighbourhood. They’re always going on about how horrible their life is in their enormous apartment, so having honest to goodness evidence that what lies outside of it is women screaming [which, let’s face it, is pretty uncomfortable] and men running away [presumably from some recently committed crime] and garbage literally everywhere is nice. It’s the closest the 2 Broke Girls has come to “showing vs. telling” in a long time, even if it is undercut by the fact that they still reference stuff off-screen. I guess that’s my cue to get into a little bit of criticism.

Those legs. Yikes.

Remember Chestnut? He’s been around since the first season but didn’t make an appearance until he absolutely needed to, for the Victoria’s Secret models to fawn over when they visited [S4E6]. On a similar note, we haven’t seen Nancy, their cat, since early last season, in “And the It Hole” [S3E8]. I totally understand that it’s hard to have live animals on set, but if it’s that difficult why bother “casting” them at all? To have a pet not appear for 30 episodes, or more than an entire season of the show, feels especially strange when one of the minor conflicts between Max and Caroline is how the latter is not a fan of said pet, while the former is.

To restate the first paragraph, I really do like the premise of the episode. I do. My problem is that someone in the writers’ room came up with it and they then had to sort of create a status quo out of thin air to support the narrative. Up to this point most of us had honestly forgotten that Nancy even existed. Except for me, of course, because-

I cannot forget this. Nancy was named after Sophie’s dead Polish friend because she was or is apparently a reincarnation of that person. I will never forget it because an actual Polish person called it out for being racist BS in the comments section and now here we are, and here’s this cat and all I can think is that humour based on false stereotypes rarely ever pays off.

As for the episode itself, their blackmail fails, which is unsurprising given that the show predicates itself on not giving the girls a “win”. I would like to note, however, that they are focusing on the consequence of the $10K business loan and the thousands of t-shirts that they cannot sell because a serial kidnapper wore it on the news. It may not seem like it, but this is actually the direst their situation has ever been, especially since they appear have all but given up on actually selling cupcakes to make money.

At this point we have five more episodes left before Season 4 comes to a close, and what I’m really hoping for is that the finale has all the lasting effectiveness of “And the Window of Opportunity” [S2E24] in regards to shaking things up, and not the forced and oft-repeated emotional beat of “And the First Degree” [S3E24]. I of course hope that things get better, or at least head in a specific direction, given the fact that as of a few weeks ago 2 Broke Girls was renewed for a 5th season. You read that right, everyone, I’m stuck to this show for at least another year. This isn’t the worst episode to ponder that idea, either, because as you can see below there was some pretty solid comedic writing this week-

Current Total: $1,475.

New Total: $975. Once again leaving viewers to figure out where $500 of cold hard cash went. They discuss fixing Nancy due to her being a “slut”, so I guess that’s what happened to their rapidly dwindling total.

The Title Refers To: Nancy being pregnant.

Stray Observations:

• Earl talking about how he might die during sex: “I know, those ladies don’t know whether I’m coming or going”
• “No, I sleep like a dead baby it’s my one gift.” I remember dead baby jokes.
• “Yeah, I don’t need a thousand pink t-shirts. My dad’s already mad at me I don’t care about sports.”
• “I-” / “Here it comes-” / “-went to Wharton.” / “-boom.”
• “This one won’t come out, it’s like the Queen Latifah of kittens.”
• Han doesn’t pay for cat maternity leave. “This isn’t Google.”
• “Did he just drop a gun?” / “It’s fine, he has more.”
• “Do either of you know how to turn the phrase self-absorbed ridiculous pig into a compliment?”
• There’s no way these kittens could be siblings, the look wildly different from each other and exactly 0% of them look like Nancy.
• “Invest? This is the financial capital of the world yes it is-“
• As a quick FYI to Max, Grumpy cat is a “she”. Everyone knows this.
• Maybe It’s Maxoline: Not today.
• 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake Menu: I’m not going to say I miss the T&A, but I at the very least miss writing about the T&A.
• Dated Reference Galore: There’s a Jonah Hill fat joke. I didn’t know we were still making those.

Did anyone else know that this is the second episode of 2 Broke Girls that Fred Savage, of that-little-kid-being-read-the-story-in-The-Princess-Bride fame, has directed? The first being last week’s. I don’t think there’s been any discernible spike or dip in quality, but it is kind of neat. I also feel like I need to mention that he’s 38 years old and his Wikipedia picture is of him at age 13.

This week the show decides to completely do away with the “Current Total” at the end of each episode by blindsiding us with the fact that Max and Caroline’s account is below zero. I’m going to spoil two of my feature at the end of this review to just lay it on you, because they go from a Current Total of $975 to a brand new low of -$14. And no, there are no solid explanations as to how this happens. Caroline mentions that their business loan payments are eating away at them, but the fact that she mentions it in passing makes the fact that they lost almost a grand in a week pretty jarring.

Their salvation comes in the form of the pastry school character you’ve all been clamouring for! Sorry, it’s not Deke. No, it’s also not Judy with the Booty. It’s John, AKA Big Mary, Max’s large gay classmate who was given a handful of lines last season. When the going gets tough the tough get a third job, and so the two girls are off to try their hand at working for The High, the new restaurant opening out of the High Line Park in Manhattan.

At this point the episode kind of . . . falls to pieces. There’s at least one laugh-out-loud moment, which I one hundred percent give them full credit for, but as far as the narrative it gets pretty unwieldy. Two different plots are introduced, and they neither reach any sort of satisfying conclusion nor interact with one another significantly. They are:

• Han, Earl, Sophie, and Oleg all showing up at the restaurant to support their friends/coworkers/employees.
• the never before mentioned fact that Max “can’t bake not baked”, which leads to her very short search to locate weed. Vaguely reminiscent of “Wasted Talent”, an episode of Family Guy where Peter could only play the piano while drunk.

The former isn’t really wrapped up at all, though it is far funnier. Max somehow finds some way to quiet everyone down and it is literally never explained. As far as the former, she gets weed from Rico in the kitchen and that’s it. There’s no frantic search for drugs or any indication that she wouldn’t have been able to do her job without being on any substances. Caroline merely finds out that she’s sober and insists she do something to correct that fact. I don’t think it takes up even three minutes of the episode as a whole.

It’s a mess. That’s all I really have to say about that. We end things and Caroline gets promoted from waitress to hostess and Max gets to keep being a pastry chef [those were the jobs they were working I did not mention that earlier]. I’m sure we’ll find out next week how they’re managing to juggle all three at once, probably with a Time-Turner or something like that. Harry Potter nerds, you know what’s up.

Before I put a solid cap to things I want to very quickly shine a little light on the LGBT characters in this episode. Big Mary [they call him that more often than John] appears to be interested in Han, and very explicitly refers to him as a “she”. I’m not going to claim to be any expert on gay culture, but is that common at all? It felt wrong to me. There was also the chance at a subplot when he’s sent to the kitchen, ostensibly because he’s not as attractive as Max is. This isn’t really followed up on, though. Also the owner of the restaurant, Joedth [the D, T, and H are silent] is portrayed as being in a lesbian multi-generational relationship, which is . . . progressive, I guess? She doesn’t appear to have any strong affection for her significant other. Either way, both appear to be the latest semi-regular cast members to grace our screens. It remains to be seen whether they’ll last anywhere as long as Luis, who has essentially evaporated into thin air.

Current Total: $975.

New Total: -$14. This is literally the lowest the total has ever been. The lowest it has ever been prior to this was back in Season 2 Episode 18, when it was a single dollar.

The Title Refers To: Allie, Joedth’s girlfriend, who shows up to the restaurant opening both high and drunk. Possibly also a reference to Max, though there is never anything said about a zero tolerance policy at The High.

Stray Observations:

• Modern Family did a drone episode almost four full weeks ago. Catch up, 2 Broke Girls.
• “I mean, if I wanted to be spied on I’d change my name to Achmed and buy a condo near the airport.”
• “Cupcakes. Buy cupcakes! BUY CUPCAKES!“
• The show’s philosophy encapsulated in an exchange between Max and Joedth: “Everything you just said offended me.” / “That’s my brand.”
• Big Mary’s three elder siblings all came out to his Mormon parents.
• For someone who’s emotionally attached to her pearls Caroline sure hasn’t been wearing them much lately.
• “Do I have any weed? Let me check my hump.”
• “Wow, this dishroom is cleaner than Chris Christie’s plate after lunch!” There was a very audible “WHOA” from a member of the studio audience at this joke.
• “If i could act I’d sell the restaurant and get cast in two-line roles as the doctor in any network television show!”
• “GIRLS LOOK, OLEG IS WEARING HIS NAPKIN AS A PARTY HAT!”
• “I’m gonna go have sex in the ladies room, unless you two prudes have a problem with that, too.”
• “Excuse me, can I get a latte and a red wine. ‘Cause I got a vicodin stuck in my throat.”
• “Bill Cosby has ruined it for all Black men over 70 who are just trying to buy a gal a drink.”
• Maybe It’s Maxoline: Retiring this post next week if nothing new happens.
• 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake Menu: Oh, yeah, Caroline and Max try to seduce Joedth after finding out she’s a lesbian.

This is a bad episode.

In all seriousness, though, this episode is awful. I honestly don’t think I’ve been as unsatisfied with an installment of 2 Broke Girls since “And Just Plane Magic”, where I listed off what happened in bullet points to avoid actually writing out what happened in multiple paragraphs. A bunch of stuff took place this week, sure, but to seemingly no end whatsoever. It says a lot that the writers were able to introduce a new recurring character [who will be reappearing in three more episodes] in such a thoroughly unforgettable fashion.

Anyway, I’m getting a little bit ahead of myself. The new character in question is Nashit, a handsome young man played by Austin Falk whose name is attributed to his being half-Indian and half-Irish [he very clearly isn’t]. Joedth, the joy which I get out of typing her name being the only saving grace of this review, hires him as a new waiter at The High. His stunning good looks create a ruckus and also causes Max to lust after him with a tenacity and passion she only ever devotes to . . . being snarky, I guess.

That’s pretty much the foundation of a lot of the humour on this show, with the words “doing it” escaping Dennings’ lips more times than I cared to count. Now two years ago I wrote a short post about our cultural double standard when it comes to male and female sexuality, specifically referencing how Barney Stinson’s getting around on How I Met Your Mother was viewed as, if not being outright laudable, at least noteworthy, and how Chloe on Don’t Trust the B—- on Apartment 23 helped counterbalance that by portraying female promiscuity in a similar light. I wish I could say Max did the same here.

The reason I don’t think she does is because her desire for Nashit has no depth to it. That isn’t to say that Chloe’s one night stands were presented with a lot of nuance or were necessarily meant to further her character development, but they were the actions of an adult. Max wants to have sex with the new guy the same way that a kid wants candy, and the comparison is one she makes herself throughout the course of the episode.

She wants to get down with Nashit, a desire only stymied by Joedth’s assertion that her restaurant is “about fine pastry not someone’s sordid lovelife,” ie. the help are not to shack up with one another. Caroline in her desire to attain quasi-manager status does all she can to keep their genitals far apart from one another and ultimately fails. She receives that promotion, however, and fires Max’s boy toy. Who is then hired by Han to work at the diner.

Sorry, let me finish that thought about the portrayal of Max’s sexuality and her relationship, such as it is, with Nashit, because man shall not get by on the joy of typing Joedth’s name alone. The issue here is that the latter has no personality. He’s handsome and homeless [a very recent immigrant] and has an Irish accent, and he thinks Max is lovely and therefore is fine with her wanting to sleep with him. While she at the very least lusts after him pretty intensely he is pretty much there and along for the ride. There’s no substance to their interactions, he’s not so much as a person as he is a plot device, and a very weak one at that.

The episode closes with Max and Nashit finally doing the dirty, presumably in the diner’s walk-in freezer. Caroline appears to be enjoying the monetary fruits of her labour. End scene. Honestly I’m not really sure what else to write, so we should just get straight to the Stray Observations-

Oh, sorry, before we get there. . . Actually, nah, I don’t care enough this week. Carry on-

Current Total: $-14.

New Total: -$286. Joedth gives Caroline three hundred dollar bills. The first two are to take care of the former’s junkie girlfriend. The third is out of pity.

The Title Refers To: The new restaurant Max and Caroline are working at, The High, and the hooking-up that one would assume would be a big deal but really wasn’t.

Stray Observations:

• The two girls are fine with letting the diner burn down because . . . they have new jobs now, I guess?
• The first in a long line of jokes from people not wanting to hear Caroline talk, but easily the best: “Honey, I’ll download an audiobook if I want to hear a story.”
• Nashit is “everything in a hot Irish coffee boy band package.”
• “”I love him, he’s my favourite. If I did men he would’ve been done by now.”
• “I went to pastry school, I’m not Shrek.”
• Oh, also Han was spying on the girls for some reason that is literally never explained.
• Max Bugs-Bunnying Han is funny the second time she does it.
• It doesn’t work on Caroline, though- “Please, I went to Wharton.”
• “I took you in when you had no one!“
• “Why hello, is it too late to be gay?”
• Joedth and her girlfriend Allie met at Coachella. They were both “on Molly, this intensely hot Filipino girl.”
• Maybe It’s Maxoline: This feature is dead. Say good-bye, everyone.
• Joke That Made Me Physically Frown: “This is impossible, it’s like putting an Oscar dress on Precious.”
• 2 Broke Girls Beefecake Menu:

Just to start, I’d like to offer a brief apology for my review of last week’s episode. For the most part I try to keep a pretty even keel and take each episode as it comes, especially since I try to judge 2 Broke Girls on its own merits. That means acknowledging that it is very far from high art or what I consider to be good TV, lauding it for when it is funny and appropriately criticizing it for when it’s racist or needlessly crude or very poorly written.

I still don’t think it was a good episode by any means, but I could’ve handled it better. Here’s to me getting through to the end of this season, guys and girls and everyone else.

Allow me to go straight to the jugular on this one and cover what happens with everyone’s favourite Indian-Irish [but not really] boytoy played by Austin Falk, Nashit. We find out in the cold open that he and Max are still getting down in the diner. After that he reappears in the wedding dress shop with the two girls, who use him to distract “Crazy Carl”, yet another flamboyantly gay one-off character, while they attend to their scheme.

Now he doesn’t appear again after that, which I find highly suspicious since the wedding dress owner tells Max and Caroline that “[they’ll] be back. In about a month! Hahaha. Tahiti, anyone? Hahaha, oh Crazy Carl, the ladies love it.” Did he end up actually abducting Nashit? Will we really not see much more of him moving forward? I mean, considering that next week’s episode is called “And the Look of the Irish” it’s pretty unlikely.

Honestly, I’m a little glad he left early if only because his accent is . . . I mean, it is definitely an accent. It is 100% a thing. Nothing against Austin Falk, though. I checked out his twitter page and it is mostly him really being in love with his wife. It’s just too adorable.

As far as the actual plot of the episode, it’s extremely straightforward. Sophie’s sister and bridesmaid Blanka is deemed unworthy of being in the wedding party, and so Caroline must take her place. The dilemma materializes when the bride-to-be announces that they will be going to a store [Rosenfeld’s in Brooklyn], and since Sophie has bad taste it will obviously be a nightmare. Oh, mainly because the wedding will be appearing in the Times and they [Caroline] can’t appear in that publication looking like . . . I dunno, a walking quinceañera decoration.

So they try to hide the dress, it doesn’t work, there are two Black girls who want it and who Sophie dismissively [racistly?] refers to as “Destiny’s Child”. Caroline has an outburst and calls the item of clothing “dressageddon”, Sophie overhears, says they don’t have to wear it. Then they hear the bizarrely popular Polish woman crying in the dressing room and it’s . . . super weird. Weird because this isn’t a character who is really offered a lot of vulnerability; this is the most emotional development she’s gotten since her and Oleg decided to be real with one another eight episodes ago.

It also results in Caroline being forced to admit that Sophie had good taste. I can’t remember the last time I praised Beth Behrs, so allow me to do that again by saying that her delivery of that line was perfect, and her physical comedy really put it over the top. Some kind soul on tumblr even captured that moment for all of you to see for yourselves-

And that’s the episode! Sophie will be designing the bridesmaid dresses herself! It’s the Warsaw Times and not the New York Times! A lot more of Nashit and his accent will definitely be back next week! This episode also wasn’t very good but it also wasn’t very bad!

Current Total: $286.

New Total: $711. No explanation given as to where the $425 came from. Possibly from the combined wages they’re making by working at the Williamsburg Diner, Max’s Homemade Cupcakes, and The High.

The Title Refers To: Sophie’s taste, or complete lack thereof.

Stray Observations:

• I’m legitimately surprised at the jokes the writers’ room manages to get back the network people, in particular Max quipping that Nashit “slipped out the back” and that she “popped him back in”.
• Caroline’s new role: bridesmaid. Caroline’s old role: run of the mill wedding guest.
• Han: “My morning fibre cookie has better taste than Sophie!”
• John/Big Mary is still around, mostly to make comments that directly refer to his sexuality.
• I like typing Joedth’s name a great deal, but man her character is incredibly one-note.
• I’m not doing a good job of reining back on the criticism.
• “You’re a poor person from Ireland. I’ll ask you your opinion when I need to know where to get free leg braces-“
• Crazy Carl really got me, mostly because I enjoy it when people crack themselves up.
• “This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a prostitute change her tampon on the sidewalk.”
• One of the Black girls comments on how they can’t pull off the “poppin’ lemon yellow” dresses because they’re White. This is partly true. The dresses are also hideous.
• Caroline very diplomatically tells Sophie, initially, that she “[thinks she has her] own unique style.”
• Joke That Made Me Physically Frown: Was not a fan of that “Destiny’s Child” bit.
• 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake/Beefecake Menu: Here’s another picture from Austin Falk’s twitter page to tide you all over:

I was going to start this review off by wasting a paragraph on how neat it would be to eat at the Williamsburg Diner, what with its eccentric clientele and all, but instead let’s dive directly into the latest 2 Broke Girls character to rake in the site hits: Nashit. What do we know about him? He’s a poor Irish immigrant, apparently half-Indian [uh huh…], and he has sex with Max. I could go on, but his entry on the 2 Broke Girls wiki [at the time of this writing] sums him up pretty well:

Yup. At this point in time Nashit’s undisclosed middle and last names could be “Tabula” and “Rasa”, because there’s really not much there at the moment. As mentioned in my review of the episode introducing him, Nashit didn’t have that much say in his relationship with one half of the titular duo. Max wants him and he more or less responds with an “okay”. He clearly doesn’t mind being with her, but it’s really hard to ascertain how much he actually likes her. Also, and this is important to mention, he has very few lines. It’s hard for a character to be well-rounded if you barely let them speak.

In this week’s episode Max decides that she’s been seeing altogether too much of her boy toy, and does what she can to get him out of the diner so that they’re not hitting the interaction trifecta [working, living, and sleeping together]. His new career path is chosen for him once he very ineptly handles Han’s gift to him [for being an employee who actually works hard], the Spritzy 5000. There’s more of that at the bottom of this post, so stay tuned. Short story shorter, he sprays himself and it turns out he’s hot.

The two girls teach him how to model, specifically for a Cocoa Puffs commercial. That’s fairly uneventful. At first he is terrible at it. Like really, really bad. Then we come back after a commercial break and he is good at modelling and all that. But it turns out that “Cocoa Puffs” is code for “pornography”! They’re at an audition for a porn movie! Specifically Sorest Rump!

At this point we get a little more of Nashit’s personality, specifically that he would do anything for Max, even “gay for pay”. Actually it’s never revealed if he understands what that really means, but at the very least he would be willing to make porn for his girlfriend, if we can call her that. It’s sweet, I guess. It’s not the best character work by any means because it’s really still just Nashit doing what Max wants. He knows that she wants him to do this [even if he doesn’t realize it’s to get him out of the diner], so he also wants to do it. Next week is, ostensibly, his last episode, and I really hope he gets to be a little more of a pretty face before his inevitable exit.

Elsewhere Oleg and Sophie practice celibacy before the wedding because it’s what her grandmother would’ve wanted. That doesn’t last for long, though Oleg does get a few great lines out of it. Joedth is looking for love after her junkie ex left the picture. Big Mary/John is beginning to get on my bad side because he only has one line and it obviously has to do with gay sex, which is his shtick now I guess. You’re more than that Big Mary/John, I know you are.

Oh, before we get to Stray Observations I should share one of Austin Falk’s tweets that provides a behind the scenes look at how this episode was filmed:

Current Total: $711.

New Total: $1,211. Last week they made $425, so with only $75 more this week I guess they’re being somewhat consistent. Again, I’ll just chalk this up to their combined three jobs.

The Title Refers To: A play on words that I actually really like! It refers to Nashit being Irish, him being good looking, and even sounds like someone with a terrible accent [see: Nashit] saying “the luck of the Irish”! This is the best title the show has ever had.

Stray Observations:

• “Sad Ladies Book Club is reading 50 Shades of Grey again. There’s not a dry seat in the house.”
• “Apparently the something blue at the wedding has to be my balls.”
• “I feel like a bull in a vagina shop.”
• “Move to call a moratorium on the words “grab”, “squeeze”, and “spray” until after the wedding-“
• Something something what you say to get lesbians to exit a building: “There’s a Subaru outside that’s about to get a ticket.”
• Joedth was using a dating app/site called “Lez Meet Up”.
• “I had the decorator redo it nine times. You can feel his anger in the walls. It’s electric.”
• “You’re eating is so punk rock. Tell me everything right now.”
• 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake/Beefecake Menu: You’re welcome.

I like DC Pierson. He’s one of the members of Derrick Comedy, a YouTube comedy group that featured the now relatively famous Donald Glover, AKA Troy from Community, AKA Childish Gambino. He actually appeared in a few episodes of the former-NBC-sitcom, and it saddens me to see him again here. Mostly because he doesn’t do anything of note.

No, DC Pierson merely serves as yet another eccentric diner customer, and one who doesn’t contribute to the overall plot at all. As far as I can tell, anyway. He plays “a legit psychic” who doesn’t tip Max but does end up reading Caroline’s palm where he initially sees two M’s and then “a small failure”. What could those letters represent? She comes up with “male”, “model”, “making (it with)”, and “Max”. That’s all pretty relevant to the happenings in this episode, except that she misses out on one key word: “Mother”.

[I’d just like to very quickly mention that Pierson has his own Wikipedia page, so who am I to criticize, really {and I mean that sincerely}]

Now I’m sure you were wondering just as much I was what the “minor problem” alluded to in the title of this episode was referring to and, well . . . it’s Nashit. Except it’s not really Nashit, is it? See, his mother, Maeve [there’s another “M”!] barges onto the set of his photoshoot to drag him back to Ireland and announces that she’s allowed to do so because “he’s just now 18!”

Admittedly, I am not a lawyer or a student of law or anything like that. Having stated that, they definitely treat him like a child, comparing Max’s sleeping with him to the actions of “Woody Allen, Roman Polanski, pretty much any of your big time 70s movie directors.” By making that comparison the writers are basically forcing us to view what took place as statutory rape at best, which seems like something they would not want us to do. But hey, they also had an episode that centred around a man who kept women captive presumably for sex and skimmed over the horrifying ramifications there, so I suppose it’s all par for the course.

In trying to continue this review I’ve come to the realization that this episode is a mess. Which isn’t something I’ve said since four episodes ago so maybe I’m allowed? See, Nashit’s mother spiriting him away is a big deal because it’s puts them in the bad books of Joedth’s girlfriend, which of course puts them in hot water with Joedth, which isn’t something they want since the owner of The High is planning on opening up a new location and wants Caroline to manage it who wants Max to be head pastry chef there. It’s this whole thing.

So of course Max and Caroline race off to the airport to stop Nashit not for love, but for their own brighter futures. They’re literally in the middle of a scheme to sneak him away from his mother when Joedth lets Caroline know that they are not in fact getting fired and oh, by the way, Nash has been replaced by some other model, a “hot orphan” with no parents. He and Max exchange a few words and that’s that.

Now we all know that Deke didn’t exit the show gracefully because they straight-up disappeared him suddenly without giving us any time to grieve. With Nash it’s completely different, because what we’re apparently supposed to do is be fine with what they had ending due to him being a little young. And no, he isn’t a minor in the sense of the age of consent, but he is a minor when it comes to drinking age [in the States, anyway]. And no, I’m not all that torn up about it because who was Nashit [Presumably-Indian-Surname], really? The closest we ever got to him wanting anything was him telling his mother he wanted to stay in America. He doesn’t even really look like he wants the girls to sneak him away.

It’s also revealed at the episode’s close that the new location for The High is actually the terminal where they were going to separate Nash away from his mother. This is seen as a horrible thing.

I am aware that we have two more episodes left before this season comes to an end. Two more weeks before I can enjoy a span of months where 2 Broke Girls is nowhere on my mind. I know this, yet I feel like I still need to let out some frustration at what I had to watch tonight. Fair warning for people who don’t need anymore negativity in their lives [I know that I don’t, so I’m just letting you know] what comes below is going to really pick this apart.

Current Total: $1,211.

New Total: $2,261. How did they make $1,050? If anything this should be an episode where their total drops drastically because Caroline bought them both first class tickets to Paris in order to get into the airport.

The Title Refers To: Nash being a minor. Which makes zero sense because if anyone had done their research they would have seen that in Ireland you can leave home at age 18 without parental consent. That’s right, legally his mother could not have forced him home, he’s only a minor in the sense that, as mentioned, in America he cannot drink alcohol. Wow, this episode sucks.

Negative Stray Observations:

• Use of the word “gay” in a derogatory fashion: “Well, not to me, but I’m sure the Amish are pissed that you’re gaying up their look.”
• An exchange between Oleg and Sophie, “Oleg, I think you crushed my seating arrangement.” / “I’d like to think so.” elicited such emphatic oh’s from the crowd that it sounded like they were reacting like normal human beings to any of the numerous rape jokes that’ve been uttered in past episodes.
• Lesbian jokes: “Of course she did, we’re lesbians, talking is most of what we do.”
• More lesbian jokes: “an embarrassment in the lesbian community is worse than not owning a dog.”
• Max makes the following joke and the live studio audiences acts like it is the Second Coming of Christ: “the right [breast] just started a Fleetwood Mac cover band. You know how I know? When I take my bra off it goes its own way.”
• There is a stereotypical Black female TSA agent working at the airport. That’s all I have to say about that.
• The writers tear into Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith, Tom Cruise, and Bruce Jenner in a way that actually feels cruel.
• Max utters the words “Oh my god I screwed a baby.” I’m just going to leave that line there for you to mull over.

I feel like I got most of that out of my system, so here are the gems, few and far between, that I took note of:

• In spite of my irritation that he puts up with them at all, I do enjoy Han dishing out what he receives [too much of]: “If you two quit the diner how will I ever replace you? Unless I hire literally anyone else.”
• I strongly dislike Joedth’s new girlfriend, but I did kind of enjoy her lines: “Oh, do girls eat now? Wow, Lena Dunham changed everything.”
• On the same note, Maeve’s accent is actually worse than her son’s, but this still amused me a fair bit: “Y’checked into america on Facebook y’bleedin’ idiot!”
• Props to the show for making me believe for a few short seconds that Max and Caroline might actually be leaving to go to Paris. Pretty impressive, actually.
• No other features, though I think it fair to present what may be the last item in the 2 Broke Girls Beefcake Menu for some time:

Sorry it’s so grainy.

I want to end by saying that while I think the character he played was just awful I really do wish Austin Falk all of the best. He is a real life existing person and as far as I can tell a pretty decent one. How can you hold anything against a guy who pinned this specific tweet on his page? Just adorable.

I, Evan Yeong, do solemnly swear that I will keep it together when reviewing this episode. This close to the end of Season 4 and it only makes sense that I remain cool, calm, and collected as I chronicle how 2 Broke Girls concludes its fourth year and prepares for its fifth. In retrospect, given how things have gone as of late, I was kind of a fool for not instituting the EVAN YEONG MADNESS WATCH I considered back in my first ever review of the show.

This week’s episode is the first in over a month without Nashit, a poor character portrayed by a very stand-up dude named Austin Falk. His tenure as Max’s love interest lasted all of five weeks, which doesn’t quite match up with reigning champion Deke [Eric Andre] who holds the title at eight episodes. Let’s all pour out a bit of our beverage of choice for poor Sebastian who was with us but for a single installment of the show. And no, I haven’t forgotten about Johnny, but he’s from a time before I was officially reviewing 2 Broke Girls when it was somehow worse than it is now-

-and before you remind me of the first line of this entire review you need to hold on just a sec, because this episode was actually pretty good! There were some terrible “jokes” as per usual but also some very funny ones! I’m actually in a good mood because of it!

This episode is actually an Oleg and Sophie episode, which leads me to wonder why I haven’t come up with a gross portmanteau-couple-name for the two of them yet. Soleg? Ophie? Both truly, truly terrible. The wedding is finally rearing its ugly head [ostensibly taking place in the season finale] and given that Sophie went through all the trouble of finding a maid of honour I suppose it’s high time that Oleg find a best man.

Given that the only two other male characters on the show are Earl and Han, it had to be one of them, and let’s be fair we all know it wasn’t going to be the former. Han throws Oleg a bachelor party and fun stuff happens there that I’ll mention below, as well as the revelation being made that the fry cook is an illegal immigrant of sorts [by which I mean he is absolutely an illegal immigrant]. That leads to this whole thing because if Sophie finds out that their marriage will result in his green card her mistrust in men may cause her to call it all off.

And it absolutely does result in that, for a time. I need to mention that Jonathan Kite acts incredibly well in the scenes where he’s uncomfortable and trying to tell Sophie the truth; he absolutely 100% sells it. Within the span of a few short minutes, however, Oleg manages to prove his love to his wife-to-be by planting his lips on, well-

Not the LGBT kiss anyone was expecting. Or wanted. Or needed.

Han and Oleg, literally no one’s OTP. It’s an expression of his devotion to Sophie, however, and accompanies his promise that he’ll marry anyone he has to in order to stay in the country and win her over. It’s sweet in only the way Oleg can be sweet, and honestly not a terrible lead-in to what I already promised up above, the inevitable wedding/season finale episode.

Elsewhere we have Max and Caroline opening up the airport branch of The High where not much happens. I mentioned my confusion in last week’s review as to why this was a terrible thing and it most definitely continues on to this week. Apparently working in an airport is a truly terrible fate that the characters of this show would only wish upon their worst enemies. I may have romanticized the whole idea of holding down a job in that sort of environment, though-

Even without having seen The Terminal it really never struck me as that bad a gig, but then again I did do a good portion of my traveling in a pre-9/11 world. Anyway, all that really happens there is that a cute pilot flirts with Caroline, and later on at the bachelor party she sends him a boob pic with her face in it. As Max states outright, “Girl! You stupid!”

I didn’t expect them to touch on the very relevant topic of privacy and personal/intimate images and their being [stolen and] shared online and all that, or even to have them track down the pilot in order to erase said picture from his phone. That being said, it ends with them finding out that her boob pic has been turned into a meme. There’s obviously a lot of very serious stuff to be said about this, but honestly I just found the idea of that meme existing at all to be very funny.

That’s really how it ends, though, everyone. Han and Oleg’s wedding is still on and Caroline becomes a meme. A meme you can make more of! Use this link and leave your own in the comments!

Next week I will of course be doing what I do every year and try to figure out what direction this show is headed, and what I think about that. This week I’m going to legitimately enjoy myself by listing all the parts I like in the Stray Observations below [there are lots of them!].

Current Total: $2,261.

New Total: $3,261. I don’t know how they made a cool one grand. I can’t explain it.

The Title Refers To: Okay, seriously though there are no references to grates anywhere in this episode. I’m very strongly of the opinion that this was supposed to be titled “And the Gate Expectations” in reference to their pastry restaurant in the airport but somewhere along the way someone at CBS royally screwed up.

Stray Observations:

• Resident large guys Big Doug and Sancho have been known to enjoy a few BLTs [Burgers, Lasagnas, and Tacos].
• “And we’re trying to get in shape.” / “Preferably a shape that doesn’t resemble a seasonal gourd.”
• I’m going to use this bullet to state that they poke fun at Max being a child and the object of men’s sexual attention, Oprah’s weight fluctuation, and the Malaysian Airlines tragedy last year. Not great.
• “If I took a run at you you’d go right through that wall like Wile E. Coyote.”
• Oleg’s brother Yushinko couldn’t be best man because he’s in jail. Which is too bad because Sophie engraved a ham for him.
• “No way, you know I was planning on going home and crying tonight.” Caroline, any excuse to get out of a party.
• “What do a Rubik’s Cube and a penis have in common? They more you play with it the harder it gets. [beat] A Rubik’s Cube is a popular 80s toy.”
• “What’s in that, ground glass?” Han feels the same way I do about bad vodka.
• “This party is worse than the communist party. And they killed half my family.”
• “[Sophie] has major trust issues since one day her father went out for perogies and [beat] came back without perogies.”
• “Max, I just did something I’ve never done.” / “Tell a story about someone else?”
• I wanted to capture the face Caroline said she made when taking her boob pic because it is hilarious.
• Also, Matthew Moy/Han is the MVP this episode. First of all there’s his tipsily smashing the glass he tries to give a toast with-

• -the subsequent line “I am bleeding. I repeat, I am bleeding.”
• And then his best man speech:

“Sophie. Oleg. What’s there to say about these two kids? Oleg is a bad cook. Sophie, quite loud. But somehow when they get together, magic.”

• “Oh no, what am I gonna do with all those pigeons I painted wedding white-“
• “Woo, sunglasses and Advil. Last night was mad real.”
• “My boob pic is gonna be hanging over me for the rest of my life.” / “Aw c’mon, your boob couldn’t hang over a pencil.”

Here we are at last, presented with nearly twenty-two full minutes of television to cap off the fourth season of 2 Broke Girls and set the stage for the fifth. As I’ve pointed out in the past few weeks leading up to this one there is a lot riding on season finales, so it really pains me to say that this one does not deliver.

In my review of last season’s finale I listed off the momentous events that closed off the show’s first two years, which are as follows:

• Season 1 –  they meet Martha Stewart, a gigantic leap forward when it comes to them opening their cupcake store
• Season 2 – the decision is made to open a new store in a hidden room adjacent to the rest of the diner [given their old location having a car in one wall]

I also noted the way that that particular season ended:

• Season 3 – Max passes a US History final and gets her GED

Which, let’s all be fair, is and was not the biggest deal. I mean, yes, it’s great that Max now has a high school diploma, but what does it mean for her and Caroline moving forward? Absolutely nothing, that’s what. This season’s finale does at least include both girls, but can unfortunately be summed up as:

• Season 4 – Max and Caroline remember that they have a dream of their own, ie. their cupcake shop

That’s right, it dawns on them that they once had a plan to start their own business, a plotline that can actually be traced back to the very first season. What’s really jarring about this epiphany is that they’ve been in possession of their very own cupcake shop with its new storefront from the beginning of Season 3 to the end of Season 4. To have that fact in mind and then hear Caroline say that they “haven’t abandoned it, [they] just haven’t paid attention to it in three months” only makes it that much weirder.

Even when looking back through the season any episodes that had to do with their business were directly connected to their new venture focused on apparel. The $10k loan that they take out doesn’t have anything to do with baked goods and everything to do with t-shirts. Then that was swiftly abandoned due to bad press and they began work at The High to do what they could to pay off the aforementioned loan.

Creator and executive producer Michael Patrick King returns to both direct and write this episode in the hopes of trying to put things back on track, and he really has his work cut out for him. On one hand he needs to bring the story arc of Sophie and Oleg’s marriage to a close in a satisfying manner, and on the other he needs to, as I keep saying, set things up for for the fifth season. King needs, needed, to leave us in a place where we’re counting down the days until we can find out what happens to Max and Caroline!

To skip over the wedding completely [some of it will make it into my Stray Observations I’m sure] it’s two airline hostesses who are the cause of Max’s realization, with one saying to the other:

“Bonnie, let’s admit it, we’re never going to go for our dream. [. . .] If we really wanted our own business we would’ve done it already. Just like Max and Caroline did.”

Which results in her rewarding them with coconut macadamia cake and rushing to the back to tell Caroline:

“We have our own business. The High isn’t our failure. We already have our very own failure- called max’s homemade cupcakes! And if we stay here we’ll be building someone else’s dream not ours.”

Having laid out exactly how it happened what I really want to get into is why it happened. Was it the writers’ plan all along to bring attention away from their cupcake shop so that they could have this sudden realization that they’ve been neglecting it? Why does it feel like it’s not just the characters who are backtracking but those in charge of the show’s narrative as well?

As someone who is basically locked into watching 2 Broke Girls until it’s one day pulled off the air I’m actually very invested in it being a good show. I do want to see Max and Caroline grow as characters and move in a particular direction and I’m disappointed that this season has been so centred on them losing their way. Or maybe, as someone stuck in a job he enjoys very little, I’m just making my own dissatisfaction with my current stage in life clearly apparent by projecting on these fictional characters. That being said just because their situation may be realistic and even relatable does not make it good television.

Having said all that, come back in the fall when I will be covering the fifth season of the show and however it unfolds. While this season has been a pretty shaky one I actually have some hope that the writers will be serving up something more cohesive given what Max tells her [only?] friend:

“Well, partner, after all we’ve been through this year, whatever comes next I kinda feel ready for it.”

Also, please feel free to make Caroline Boob Pic memes to pass the time between now and then!

Current Total: $3,261.

New Total: $89. Max and Caroline totally do what I predicted would happen two episodes ago and head off to Paris, France. Which explains why they’re back in the double digits when it comes to whatever this amount is supposed to represent.

The Title Refers To: The airport branch of The High and how it isn’t doing well. I’d really been hoping that this episode was going to be more Storage Wars-related.

Stray Observations:

• I’m going to get this out of the way early, but we double down on the sexual abuse jokes [“I thought family style service was what I had to do with my uncle.”] when Han acknowledges it in a jab back at Max [“I don’t know what your uncle saw in you.”].
• That doesn’t keep the audience from shrieking with laughter, however. They’re a lot more lively than usual, likely due to it being the last episode of the season.
• “Wow, business is slower than the third season of House of Cards.”
• Big Mary/John is back to talk about his sex life [surprise, surprise], this time sharing about his new Grindr account.
• One of the stewardesses is played by Caroline Rhea, who was one of the aunts on Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. What a great show.
• Also their thing is high fiving and wow, it is too much.
• As someone who has travelled a fair bit Caroline’s list of their establishment’s many services really got me:

“Welcome to The High, the finest in high quality desserts. We also have yogurts, cappuccinos, lattes, coffee, herb teas, or smart waters. And did I mention we’re a Boingo hotspot!“

• Evidence they’ve been neglecting their cupcake shop: Earl has a grow op in the closet.
• Chestnut makes an appearance as the steed Oleg rides down the aisle!
• And has to be decked out in pink ribbons, much to his owner’s chagrin. “I guess there’s a reason ‘horse’ sounds so much like ‘whore'”.
• The waiter Caroline hired is named “Mohammed Mehdinejad” and keeps getting held up by the TSA. “This whole Middle East situation is just so inconvenient for me!” she says.
• Pop Culture Put-Downs: a new feature that I hope to continue into Season 5, this episode featured jokes at the expense of: the Pitt-Jolie children, Anne Hathaway on The Tonight Show, and some woman named Meredith Baxter-Birney.
• Max says “I’ve never been in coach” but we all know she’s flown on an actual private jet so don’t start with me about this it doesn’t make any sense-
• Come back on Friday for a special exclusive 2 Broke Girls-related interview! You don’t want to miss it!

Last Friday I was blessed with the opportunity to have a very lengthy conversation with actor Federico Dordei, who appeared in a number of episodes of 2 Broke Girls as Luis, the day waiter at the Williamsburg Diner. He initially left a comment on one of my reviews of the show and agreed to answer a few of my questions about what it was like to be a part of it. Given that we ended up talking for a full hour I’ve opted to split the interview up into two parts.

In this first segment of questions and answers Fed [I can call him that since we are friends now] reveals what his time on the show was like, as well as what ultimately ended up happening to both him and Luis. My questions and comments are in bold, with his responses as regular text.

Your character Luis is one of my all-time favourites on the show, and reading back on my review of the first episode he appeared in it’s pretty apparent how much I liked him. Now you appeared in nine episodes of 2 Broke Girls-

I actually shot ten episodes, not nine.

I was supposed to start out as a guest star for an arc of three episodes, then it was renewed to six and they finally brought me back for four more. During this time I got the assumption that I may become a regular due to numerous comments made by some of the executives, such as “This is your home now!”, “This is just the beginning!”, etc. [Creator and producer] Michael Patrick King loved me and the character I brought to life.

The first episode was great, too, the writing was sarcastic and very funny. It was a little bit exaggerated, but I felt like I could bring it to life and have a lot of fun with it. The next two episodes you saw, the writing was kind of off with Luis. Not that funny, I didn’t know what to do with it. I was worried the live audience wouldn’t laugh!

For the most part it seems like things were looking pretty good for both you and Luis.

Well, after the third episode I shot I was invited to the birthday of one of the show’s producers. I was drinking and partying with some of the writers, talking about the show, and said that I really loved the writing for Luis, but that the next two episodes were not as funny for that character. It was a simple fun chat between co-workers while enjoying ourselves. One of the writers, he went to Michael Patrick King telling him that I was complaining about lines. Took things out of context and made it look like I was talking shit.

What Michael Patrick King does, he calls me and rips me a new asshole. Got me on the phone and shredded me to pieces, asking how dare I talk shit, I should be lucky he gave me any lines at all. He went on and on. At the end of the conversation I explained that I wasn’t talking shit, that it was just an innocent and honest chat between party buds having fun! And that it was passed on to him out of context and that I felt utterly blessed to be part of the show. He said “Have you ever heard the Girls [Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs] complain about lines?” Of course I said “No,” ’cause I’m not a snitch… But if he was ever with us in the makeup room he would have known the answer to that [laughs].

I thought it was just a normal comment, but he said that writers are like babies; they’re very difficult and very sensitive, especially when their words on paper are criticized. The writer was very young, too. He said this can’t happen anymore. He said “Do you know why I’m calling you?” I said, “You’re firing me?” He told me, “Nope, I’m calling you because I want to keep you and for you to rectify this. I don’t want this to happen again.”

Now, I’m Italian! Before I was making lasagna for everyone (around 200 people) and treated every single person on Stage 21 as family. But Michael Patrick King told me to be a professional, that this wasn’t a family, it’s work!

I went back to set for the fourth episode and I kept to myself. I stayed away from Michael Patrick King and I tried being less overly friendly and more professional with the rest of the cast and crew. I was trying to give Michael Patrick King what he wanted. But even so he really changed towards me, too. He started being cold and mean, criticizing my acting and how I delivered my lines with a scary intensity that came out as anger, almost like if I didn’t do it right he’d fire me, or worse, kill me! [laughs] He would show me how to do it by imitating me, all angry, and yelling that I needed to be louder and more over the top.

Every time we perform in front of studio executives, every time we read a joke, the writers look at Michael Patrick King. If he laughs they laugh. If he doesn’t laugh they don’t laugh. He’s really a very intense and passionate person who keeps his employees on their toes, their shaking toes. [laughs] He talks in a direct, tough way, he doesn’t hesitate to yell  or to just dismiss you if he feels like it. Nonetheless, during this time I still loved him and justified his behaviour thinking that he was acting like a tough father figure or something, I still felt like it was my home.

With the third episode my rate doubled, so I went to Michael Patrick King and thanked him- “Hey, thank you. That’s a nice amount of money I’m getting paid.” He told me, “Don’t thank me, that’s the agent, that’s Hollywood.” I don’t know how it works. I’m Italian, just being polite.

The incident at the party aside, all signs still point to you becoming a regular on the show. What exactly happened for Luis to end up being dropped from 2 Broke Girls?

So there were about five more episodes that I shot after that, and I was very excited about them. I’m very critical of my own work but the audience loved it. But Michael Patrick King would keep cutting out my character. The scenes would work well but then he would edit me out and use the same writing and jokes in upcoming episodes. These would have been really big episodes for Luis.

Then all of a sudden he just stopped calling.

I remember when he was on the phone with me he told me, “Listen, I’m calling you because I want you to rectify this. If I didn’t want you I would’ve stopped using you on the show, I would use you less and less and then not at all.” But that’s exactly what he ended up doing.

The casting director called him and said “What happened to Luis?” They dropped him completely without any notice, nothing. It was pretty brutal because you work with someone for five months every single day…

I was phased out slowly without even letting me know. Honestly I’m still hurt by all this. Remember, I was convincing myself he was like a tough father figure, so the letdown was hard on many levels. Kat would say he had a crush on me and that’s why he treated me the way that he did [laughs].

I’m pretty bummed to hear how it happened, especially since I think the show would’ve really really benefited by keeping you around. 

At this point it’s pretty clear to me that Michael Patrick King has a very specific way of doing things. Were the other cast members more used to that than you were ?

Jennifer Coolidge [who plays Sophie] is a legend and one of the coolest actresses ever, and even she had some anxiety sometimes. She also found him intimidating! [laughs] She’s older than me and she’s been working for years, so her getting nervous around him says a lot!

The Girls are fine, they’re great. They can respond to him with tone because he can’t fire them. They’re the 2 Broke Girls! [laughs] They’re the only people with the cajones and guts to act with the same tone he has. 

Honestly, it sounds a like kind of a tense environment to work in.

Everyone wants to have a good, stress-free time on set. Really, the only people having fun are the girls and Jonathan Kite [who plays Oleg]. He’s amazing, the best in the world. Whenever the audience laughed he’d make a point to yell out and give credit to the writers. He goes over his lines when he’s off camera, he’s never gonna leave the show.

Garrett Morris [who plays Earl] is the best on so many levels, another bona fide legend. Sometimes he’d be justifiably offended when he only had one or two lines, but I used to share a lot of laughter with him, he’s a great joke teller. [laughs]

Garrett Morris is a former SNL cast member, and I’ve definitely noticed entire episodes when he won’t get more than a handful of lines.

That’s exactly right. He’s a regular and has complained to the writers more than once. Jennifer Coolidge on the other hand gets a lot of dialogue because the audience loves her so much.

Now I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but do you think her character is TOO over the top?

Honestly, yeah. I do think that Sophie is a bit much. . .

It’s not her, it’s Michael Patrick King. He’s always telling her to be BIGGER and louder. Every time we did a table read she was so fucking hysterical. Actually shooting it Michael Patrick King wants her to exaggerate everything, and he loves it!

At my first table read I played a more subtle kind of gay guy. He told me, “I can’t hear you, the person in the back can’t hear you!” In other multicamera shows they’re not shouting like this, this isn’t I Love Lucy. You can’t tell me this is how multicam works; 2 Broke Girls is the only show with this style that has these caricatures of characters. But he told me what he wanted and I always delivered.

Kat Dennings is a great actress, but even on 2 Broke Girls she just yells the lines and tilts her head. [laughs] She’s not like the character as a real person, as a human being. Super opposite of the character: straight edge, no drugs, no drinking. Nothing to do with the character she plays. She’s a great person and I’m very fond of her.

She told me, “Oh man, first season, every time I go home from shooting I’d have Michael in my head saying be louder, be louder.” Back with her boyfriend she yelled “I LOVE YOU” in his ear thinking she was whispering! [laughs]

Really I think she’s the best person on set. Her and Jen and Garrett. The whole crew is great, like a big family. But when Michael Patrick King enters the fun is over. I thought I was gonna be fired every episode, and eventually I was.

Stop by again on Friday for Part 2 when Federico shares even more about his experience being on the 2 Broke Girls set, as well as the future of the show as it continues to move forward without Luis!

Three days ago I posted the first half of my interview with actor Federico Dordei, which largely concerned how his character ended up departing 2 Broke Girls. In the second we talked about how the regular cast handles criticism, the future of multicamera sitcoms, and how in the end absolutely everything is up to Michael Patrick King.

Just like last time, my questions and comments are in bold, with his responses as regular text.

So in a lot of my reviews I often hold the writers’ room accountable for any jokes that I feel go a little bit too far-

Michael Patrick King has the final say. There’s even a picture of him on set that says “Godfather”! [laughs]

Really?

There’s a pyramid on the wall of photos and his at the very top and says “Godfather” on it.

Every episode one writer comes up with an idea. So one writer goes to the writers’ room with the thing he wrote and then all together the writers pitch in to make it something that Michael Patrick King will like. He also supervises the whole thing saying I don’t like this or I don’t like that. So the completed work is a mix between what the writers wants and what he wants.

For every multicam show the creator has the ultimate say, and he’s a writer, too.

I do know that he’ll be credited for writing full episodes from time to time, like last week’s season finale.

One episode that he wrote I wasn’t very happy with. I remember someone in the audience told me “Great job!” and I said “What do you mean? I had no funny lines!”

Maybe that also did not ring well with him… [laughs]

But when it comes to the writers for the most part they’re great. I once told one of them they wrote a great episode and he said “No, no, no. It’s not just me.” They give credit to everyone, never taking credit for the whole thing.

A little earlier I sort of mentioned that the writing doesn’t always land for me, but people really seem to love it-

People love the show in different parts of America. But just a few here [Los Angeles] watch the show, the same in Miami, New York, Chicago, the big cities. Middle America, the majority of America, they love the show. Big towns don’t like it, but small towns love it. In Italy they love the show but it’s the same thing, not much in the big cities.

That’s just my personal opinion, though. The style is over the top and everything. People are a bit more modern in big towns, need to be satisfied by something newer instead of something that’s a bit old fashioned. Now people like Louis, The Comedians, Happyish – reality shows, slower shows that have a different kind of style that’s fashionable now.

I remember Jonathan [Kite] once said “I’ve been on this show for two seasons and it’s only when I travel through towns for work that people recognize me. But in China and some European countries we’re huge!”

At the very least 2 Broke Girls has been popular enough to be renewed for a fifth season.

Reports say that both 2 Broke Girlsand Mike and Molly have been benched until mid-season.CBS is going to start the week, primetime, without a comedy for the first time in decades. Now they’re going in a different direction. There’s a new show with Calista Flockhart, Supergirl. That’s going to take their place in the Monday night timeslot.

I mean, Supergirl is a comic book property which really appears to be the latest trend.

They’re really changing their direction. Although some nights they have eight, nine million viewers, comedies do much worse than dramas now. Dramas have up to ten million viewers. That’s the direction they’re going in, there aren’t that many comedy pilots being picked up anymore-

Personally I’ve noticed less and less new sitcom pilots with each passing fall.

Exactly. It’s a little worrying, because that’s my specialty.

But with 2 Broke Girls it’s benched until mid-season, so it’s probably returning in January. CBS will most likely pick it up for 6 seasons being that the show was sold for syndication to TBS. I believe that at least 6 seasons are needed for a syndication deal.

Michael Patrick King sold it for syndication in the second season.

To go back to your experience on the show, what was it like starring in a three camera sitcom in front of a live audience?

Parks and Recreation – “Sister City” (S2E5)

I had done Parks and Rec, Raising Hope, etc., all single camera shows. My multicam experience at first was a combination of watching them and auditioning for them, and then 2 Broke Girls.

Personally I’m not into multicam. Whenever I get an audition I’m not that excited for it. You have to get a bit character-y, and the blocking is very stiff. It’s not really my thing, I don’t even watch them often. Except Friends and Seinfield … Legends!

And they’re bowing out. The era is over, when there was no Hulu or Netflix. Now when kids want to laugh they’ll go on YouTube, they don’t sit down and watch shows on TV. And they’re the most desired audience for the networks, 16-22. Sadly these shows are a dying breed.

I have very limited experience acting in school productions, but I remember the best part being performing in front of a live audience. What was that like for you?

Fucking amazing. It’s great to do a multicam in front of an audience. Michael Patrick King would make you feel anxious and yell at you, but it was like a party filming the actual show. You felt right away if the audience laughed or didn’t laugh.

On 2 Broke Girls I was always so stressed, though. After the third episode aired I was embarrassed to even come out; I was not as confident. After the second or third they weren’t as excited about me and I could feel it. When an actor feels it that’s bad news because it affects their performance.

Thank God after that I got five amazing episodes with funny shit and I got the audience back. Even though Michael Patrick King ended up cutting Luis out of all of them…

There’s definitely something to be said about instant feedback, especially when it comes to comedies-

When the audience doesn’t laugh, that actually happens all the time. The writers get in front of the audience for 2-3 minutes and Michael Patrick King tells the actors their new lines just once-

Michael Patrick King on set

I remember he came to me and told me my lines. I have English as a second language, I’m not American and it’s not my first language. He comes to me and said it once. I asked if I could get a pen and paper to write it down and he said “What!?” Kat and Beth heard the lines, thank God, and they told me what they were.

They change dialogue all the time and Kat is like a computer. They give her a whole fucking speech one time and the girl knows it all. She’s straight edge, super focused like a computer and just a good person. She helped me out a lot, but I got better, I got used to it.

With lines I would be rehearsing the whole night before, and that was tough on me.

Running over lines is obviously pretty important, but were there any ways you and others would prep before filming?

Jonathan’s preparation was talking! [laughs]

Matthew likes to be in his room with the lights off in total blackness to meditate for a bit. Don Scardino, one of the directors, he’s the best man on earth, so cool and an angel of a man. He takes time to meditate before the show as well.

Beth takes a B12 shot drink. Kat doesn’t need shit she’s straight edge, and with nerves of iron.

Me, the couple of hours before showtime I’m in Jennifer’s room gossiping and smoking cigarettes, it works for us. [laughs]

I just want to address a few last things before our time is up, with one of them being the amount of criticism the show has received, in particular due to racist jokes and writing surrounding Matthew Moy’s character.

There was an Asian group that did not like it at all. Many people hated my character and that was like getting a heart attack before the show. He told me “Who gives a fuck, you don’t know these people, there are always gonna be haters.” By the third season he had already made peace with it. Jennifer Coolidge doesn’t even read the comments, doesn’t even watch the show.

Kat and Beth they read stuff .They’ll retweet what their fans are saying about the show and that sort of thing. Nobody bashes Kat.

Speaking of artists being bashed Max’s latest love interest last season, Nashit, received a lot of flak for having a terrible Irish accent.

A 2 Broke Girls table read.

If they didn’t like him chances are he’ll disappear very soon [and he did. –Evan]. If there are a lot of critics on a guest star from the get-go then he’s not gonna be back for sure. At a table read if a guest star doesn’t do well it’s bad news. They fire people on every episode, you have to give the performance of a lifetime.

The first day’s in front of producers, second in front of the studio, the third the studio network, the fourth to set up blocking, and the fifth for the final shot.

To end with, I know you appeared in some of the same episodes that Eric Andre did. Did you get a chance to interact with him at all, and what’s he like in person?

He actually became one of my very good friends. We hang out at every party he does. He’s a work friend, but a work friend that I see outside of work. He’s another guy that likes having fun like me. And same as me likes to have a friendly family style time on set.

He always had fun with it, made shooting like a party. Michael Patrick King was always going on about focus, that things needed to be serious. He sucks the FUN out of FUN! [laughs]

One of the search terms people use to find my blog is “what happened to Max and Deke [the character Andre played]”. People really loved him on the show-

Of course, but they’re not gonna bring him back.  Michael Patrick King asked him to stay but he was producing his own show on Adult Swim, he went to go do his own thing.

As far as my personal experience on 2 Broke Girls I was actually told from the very beginning what this would all be like. The casting director told me, “Just so you know, it’s a very special set. It’s kind of intense.” If only I had known. [laughs]

I couldn’t and can’t thank Federico Dordei enough for the opportunity to talk to him about 2 Broke Girls, and it’s an amazing way to end another season of the show. He was able to answer a lot of the questions I had about how the show is written in particular and it’s going to be an entirely different experience reviewing future episodes with that knowledge in mind.

Fed [again, I can call him that] hasn’t been sitting back since exiting the show, either, so stay tuned to his iMDB page to see what upcoming projects he has on the horizon!

A lot of the time, when I wish I had implemented a grading system into these reviews when I first started two years ago, it’s because I want to underscore how truly bad an episode was. Not this week. This week I wish that I was able to qualify how good 2 Broke Girls usually is so that I could give “And the Gym and Juice” an A.

And no, this isn’t a particularly groundbreaking twenty-something minutes of situation comedy, but it is exactly what it needs to be, which is to say that it’s funny. Just two episodes into their fifth season and 2 Broke Girls appears confident in allowing its titular characters to truly carry the show, and they do so in a truly admirable fashion. I’m not sure if there was a shake-up in the writers room, but whatever happened it has me generally looking forward to future installments of the show.

The premise this week is a solid one as well, and one that’s a natural fit given the the series’ title. Their shower breaks down one fateful morning, and a glimpse into a room we’ve never seen before [in my recollection] helps cement a point that’s often told  instead of show: these characters aren’t doing so hot financially.

As far as solutions go the option of using the facilities at a gym is simple, but also one ripe with storytelling potential. It may sound like I’m gushing over what appears to be standard television writing, but this is the sort of narrative that I’ve been looking for since things first started. A problem born out of living just above the poverty line prevents itself and steps are taken to solve that. It’s a very simple formula, but one they’ve rarely gone to.

There are a number of twists and turns which involve them landing jobs at the gym, losing said jobs, and eventually getting Oleg to fix their shower, but as mentioned a few paragraphs earlier what’s truly important is how funny the girls make it.

While longtime readers will know that I usually offer the prize of comedic MVP to Beth Behrs, I actually think that Kat Dennings snags the coveted title this time around. Two laugh-out-loud moments in this episode are concerted group efforts, with the first being Caroline’s gagging leading to Max’s gagging and the second, my personal favourite, Max frantically flipping on blenders and even banging pots together in order to drown out her friend’s tirade. On top of that, however, is Max’s freshly showered personality affecting her ability to be surly. Her halfhearted grimaces, meant to be threatening scowls, are slightly off-putting at best, and it’s the sort of performance that reminds me that, yes, she does deserve to be the star of a sitcom. It’s just that oftentimes I don’t think that it’s this one.

Elsewhere Oleg has lowered the age rating of his speech to “G”, and the pains he takes to affirm listeners that know innuendo was intended is handled deftly by Jonathan Kite. Matthew Moy engages in a gag surrounding his inability to get be seen and order anything at the juice bar that could have been better communicated with more customers blocking him, but all in all is acted out well. On almost all fronts the cast appears to be giving it their 120% and it really shows.

As my second paragraph states, this isn’t groundbreaking stuff. At the same time, this week’s 2 Broke Girls isn’t so much “not bad” as it is actually “pretty good”.We can all only hope that whatever’s going on behind the scenes continues and that we can keep seeing these actors do what they do best.

Current Total: $164.

New Total: $264. Max and Caroline work at the juice bar for a little over a day, I think, before being let go. Maybe they given $100 for whatever was done in that time.

The Title Refers To: Han’s gym, Physique Total Body, as well as the juice that’s served there.

Stray Observations:

• “Max, remind me, what separates us from homeless people?” / “We’re not as tan?”
• “Well, well, well, Caroline, I didn’t know it was Bring Your Boyfriend to Work day?”
• Their shower is a place to cry and to hide from their roommate, for Caroline and Max respectively.
• “Well, I have two Friends and Family 1-day passes that I was saving for my parents’ trip. But last month they littered in Korea so they’re in jail.”  This joke would’ve landed with me more if they’d been vacationing in Singapore.
• “Bring me something green, bitch.”
• YBBBB with Brian. Yoga Booty Ballet Boxing and Beyond.
• “And make out with you? Joke. I’m kind of married.”
• The two “old” ladies they face off against bought their trainer a car.
• “Suck it down, baby! But not in a sexual way.”
• “Oh, you’re not the only person who can be threatening. Let me go get my threatening friend.”
• Raquelle, the janitor, has a pretty great line about how the women’s husbands are “silent partners in the gym and in their marriages.”
• Han says “Max, go away, you’re interrupting my flow” while sweating a literal puddle and they don’t make any obvious jokes about it. Weird.
• Having Chestnut gag along with Max and Caroline was the funniest joke they’ve ever pulled off, as far as having a horse on set.

“Eeeaaauuuggghhhhhh.”

• Pop Culture Put-Downs: The Might Be Giants, their genitals in particular.

Now I’m not television executive or anything, but scheduling a sitcom to regularly air on American Thanksgiving seems unwise to me. Then again, the one and only time I’ve ever celebrated the holiday with a family in the US we gorged ourselves in the early afternoon, opening up our evening to whatever we wanted, so what do I know.

On the other hand, maybe some kind of holiday episode was called for? I guess its absence is what happens when CBS’s comedy lineup is in such flux that 2 Broke Girls‘ season premiere is announced just one month before it airs. At the very, very least you’d think that given the title this week would be covering some sort of pregnancy or infant-related incident.

Nope, this week we get the return of Candy Andy. 

The first episode I ever reviewed actually covered Caroline breaking up with her then-boyfriend, played by Ryan Hansen, so nicknamed due to him owning a nearby candy shop. In rereading my rundown of “And the Bear Truth”, however, I found that it didn’t jive with what the show was selling me now.

See, Candy Andy shows up out of the blue engaged to be wed to another woman. This is a big deal in that the two of them appear to be doing quite well, whereas our protagonist are, as the title implies, not in a great place. Caroline is particularly put out about this because she broke up with Andy and the life that he’s now living could be hers.

Except that in my review I wrote:

“Back at the shop, Andy and Carline talk again, and Andy tells her that maybe they should take a break.”

To be perfectly honest, the conflict of being overcome with jealousy, doubt, and a slurry of other emotions over an ex’s new relationship is a great conflict, and one that many of have or will come across in the future. The issue here is that in my recollection he ended the relationship. On top of that, a lot of his success stems from his fiancee Romy being a very successful hat designer. In other words, his new life is not actually one that Caroline would’ve lived had they stayed together.

Anyway, in the awkward fallout of their bumping into one another Caroline tells Andy that she and Max will provide a wedding cake for his upcoming nuptials. It’s this narrative that the entire episode revolves around, but it’s semi-successful due to Caroline’s steady descent into full-on despair and Max’s repetition of “Oh god” when witness to her roommate’s dramatic downward spiral.

She appears to have hit rock bottom when a handsome stoner groomsman appears to come to the rescue, telling both her and Max that Candy Andy can lose the first part of his nickname due to his business going under. The girls rejoice, not due to his entrepreneurial failings, but because it means he lied to them. Which leads to Andy running through a door, admitting that he was embarrassed about that chapter of his life, and then running back out to get hitched. The girls then admit defeat and leave.

While this is all pretty light and easy stuff it is important to note that we’re witness to Max crying for the first time. This is over Andy telling Caroline “I really did love you,” among other things. It’s a moment of emotional vulnerability, for whatever it’s worth, and in this context it appears to be worth a joke with the audience laughing at her “You could have had it all!” It’s played up for comedic value, and while Caroline points out that she’s never seen this before there’s nothing else done with it.

I’m going to be getting one of my features at the end of the review out of the way now and state that the “Maybe Baby” is a fake human infant that Sophie and Oleg are going to be using to test out their parenting skills. Not that I timed it or anything but I don’t think that plot received more than three minutes of screentime. There’s not really that much more to say about it.

Han’s plot, on the other hand, is hopelessly dated due to it referencing the Ice Bucket Challenge. It’s also in close competition with Max and Caroline’s due to Matthew Moy’s exuberant performance in trying to rope George Clooney into a similar viral event.

At the end of the day we have an episode penned by a veteran writer of the series [Michelle Nader penned 15 others] that ignores past continuity with Caroline and Andy’s breakup while seemingly glossing over potentially groundbreaking emotional events with Max crying. On the other hand the performances, if not the jokes themselves, landed well this week. It may not have been good as the last episode, but 2 Broke Girls continues to press on due to its talented cast. Here’s hope they get more to work with.

Current Total: $264.

New Total: $215. Maybe they spent $49 making the wedding cake? I don’t know. As Dustin Payton mentions below in the comments section, the $49 was likely spent on the dress Caroline bought and wore to the wedding.

The Title Refers To: See above review.

Stray Observations:

• You don’t really have to read between the lines to see that Max gets hella racist: “If you really want this thing to go viral I happen to know that Clooney likes him some spicy sriracha.”
• Garrett Morris gets more to do this week than he has in a while, which sadly isn’t saying very much at all.
• How’s the candy business. Sour, nutty, full of nerds?”
• “I. Broke up. With. Him.” / “Dramatic. Talking. Is annoying.”
• “Weren’t you the baby in American Sniper?”

I ended up taking this screenshot because I thought Max and Caroline were staring straight at the camera in decidedly The Office-esque fashion.

• “You see? All bitter- better.”
• “You know, technically it’s not a yacht unless it’s over 40 feet. [pause] Is it? Okay.“
• “Oh god.”
• “Bummer, looks like I’ve gotta do this wedding thing sobes.” Will we be seeing more of you, handsome stoner groomsman?
• “I, Han Lee, nominate Mr. George Clooney to the Williamsburg Diner Challenge of Packing Yourself in a Suitcase! I’m also a fan of The Men Who Stare at Goats!”
• Pop Culture Put-Downs: Amal Amuddin, sort of, and Katherine Heigl.

As soon as I saw the promo pictures on the CBS website I began dreading this week’s episode of 2 Broke Girls. “And the Inside Out Situation” centres entirely around LGBT discrimination and political correctness, and let’s just say that the writers on this show have not exactly shown the tact of John Oliver and co. at Last Week Tonight or the biting satire of the South Park people.

From the very beginning things look rough, as the LGBT character they chose to put front and centre, I, introduces themselves:

“To be clear, I am neither he nor she, mister nor misses, male nor female. And the only part of me that is transitioning are my heels from day to evening. I am simply ‘I’. And I cannot be labelled. I am gender fluid.”

The issue with this is when the audience chooses [and/or is prompted] to laugh. After the first joke, the reference to heels, is a given. The second, on the other hand, comes right after I tells the two girls that they are gender fluid. Now this is a word that has garnered a good amount of negative connotations in the past few years, but that is problematic to say the least.

All of this of course falls in line with co-creator and showrunner Michael Patrick King who believes that there is ultimately nothing that can’t be poked fun at. While it’s true that humour is a great way of exposing the inherent ridiculousness of bigotry, among other things, the main issue is that so many of the jokes on 2 Broke Girls start out with asking the audience to laugh at racial minorities, members of the LGBT community, etc. and do a very poor job in transitioning that into laughing with them.

While Max embodies King’s theory that no one is free from being roasted her comments towards I go far beyond simply being microaggressions. As a follow-up to one of Caroline’s comments about pieces she quips to I, “Yeah, we’re still not even sure you have one.” The audience laughs along, and the idea is introduced and strengthened that, hey, gender fluid people are weird and we can laugh about it.

After I is turned away because Caroline doesn’t want their cupcakes used in performance art a large number of LGBT people begin protesting their business [“No cake equals hate!”]. The difficulty with Max and Caroline having to prove that they’re not bigots is that so much of the way Max interacted with them actually did border on hate speech. Okay, I realize that sounds strong, but the fact is that for both transgender and gender fluid people having a complete stranger comment on what’s in your pants is a literal nightmare. Caroline also doesn’t help much with her aside that “the gays will hate us forever, and when I get an interior I want it decorated.”

Both the girls and the show’s writers try to offset all of this by having them be approached by the Family Foremost Foundation, a thinly veiled Westboro Baptist Church analogue. When the two girls are provided with a cheque for $10,000 they decide to stay and collect it before being informed that “right now millions of people are watching as we stream live around the world.” Ultimately they decide to, well-

– lock lips for the first time since the finale of the second season. While it’s ostensibly a brave move on both of their parts it ignores the fact that mere seconds before they were more than okay with taking this money from what’s pretty clearly a hate group.

Back at the diner I apologies to both Max and Caroline for being “a little overly sensitive” and all is well. Their last line is equally troubling as well, though, with Max elaborating on her approach to life by stating that “At the end of the day we are all just trying to get by” and I replying with “Bi. Now those people I don’t trust.” The fact that bisexual people very commonly face erasure from both sides of the hypothetical fence is, of course, entirely overlooked.

Overall the entire episode is pretty troubling, beginning with a the mockery of a gender fluid person and ending with said character doing all of the apologizing. The show’s referral to “the gay community” overall is simplistic at the best of times, and is protected from scrutiny by King [or at least he would like to think so], himself a gay man.

Current Total: $215.

New Total: $110. There’s a large cupcake order for I that presumably goes to waste, and then another 500 cupcakes that they baked for the FFF without payment. While that’s a huge loss, the Cher impersonator said that the former protesters took up a collection for the girls. Either way it’s a lot of downs, one up, and no actual cash amounts explained onscreen.

The Title Refers To: A bad transgender joke that was ultimately written out, probably.

Stray Observations:

• I gave up on the 2 Broke Girls Cheesecake Menu with Season 4, and here we are with a cold open that focuses on Caroline forgetting to wear pants. accidentally tucking her skirt into her underwear. Thanks to Jen, in the comments below, for the correction!
• They remind Han of when he saw his mom’s sideboob, for whatever reason.
• I’s performance art involves asking audience members to eat a pretty pink femme cupcake, only to find a cocktail wiener hidden inside.
• “Well, I don’t have to stand here to tell you how upset I am. That’s what Yelp is for.”
• Caroline tries singing some Les Misérables to calm the protesters and does a passable “I Dreamed A Dream”.
• Not mentioned above, but important, the drag queens among the protesters. The Cher impersonator is Chad Michaels, who starred on RuPaul’s Drag Race and received a fair number of lines this episode.
• Terry, the first member of the FFF that the girls meet, is played by Travis Schuldt, who I will perpetually recognize as Keith Dudemeister from Scrubs. Also as Subway and Honda, respectively, a corporate entity in human form.
• Brother Dan, the head of the FFF, cites Max and Caroline as “the girls who are standing up against the deviants, the divorcers, the scientists, the hiphop lovers, and [pause] the doobie smokers!”
• A funny short joke this week! “I can’t keep up with all these drinks. I’m running out of tiny umbrellas!” / “How will you get home if it rains?”
• Pop Culture Put-Downs: President POTUS Barack Obama and Presidential “hopeful” Donald Trump are on the receiving end of the writers’ jabs this week.

With “And the Escape Room” 2 Broke Girls continues its penchant for covering topics long after they first rose to relevance. That’s not to say that the concept of escape rooms has faded from the public consciousness [I’ve seen new ones popping up in downtown Toronto], only that they’re not exactly newsworthy anymore.

Having reviewed one such establishment for this blog, and having gone to other vastly better places since, I was actually excited to review this week’s installment of the show, primarily as an actual escape game. Things actually started out pretty well in that regard, too, with the diner staff [this entire scenario is a team-building exercise cooked up by Han, which is not an uncommon event] entering into an almost completely dark room. Over on the wall they see the following:

Oleg didn’t recognize the man in the portrait, surprising no one.

With 26 light switches on the left the gang connect that number to letters in the alphabet. Han surmises that the right one might be “L”, for “light”, but Caroline more accurately suggests that it might be related to the equation Albert Einstein is most well-known for. They flick the fifth switch and the room is bathed in light. As mentioned, a promising start.

Having the entire room be Alice in Wonderland themed is also a great move since it’s a work of fiction that heavily features riddles. It’s unfortunate that the viability of the escape room pretty much ends there. Soon after Randy [former SNL alum John Milhiser, much to my, and likely his, chagrin] pops out dressed up as The Mad Hatter and begins peppering them with brain-teasers.

That’s fine in and of itself, but he doesn’t appear to be offering them any actual hints or anything else. He doesn’t provide them with keys to open chests or combinations to open locks. There are escape games out there that feature a staff member who offers clues, or even someone who dresses up as an active part of the scenario, but it’s always to move things along. Later on Randy points out that they only have 15 minutes left, which is arguably the most helpful he is during their entire game.

As things, as well as their time, start winding down we glimpse one last part of the game-

-with Max guessing that the source of the sentence Han is holding up [“If it was so it might be; and if it were so, it would be.”] is “The fat twins? ‘Cause that made no sense and it looks like they get stoned a lot.” Hilariously I found out that she’s 100% correct. That quote actually is by Tweedledee and Tweedledum, from Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There.

My final comments about the game surround how they end the scenario. Caroline decides that she’s ready to jet and jumps down a rabbit hole as that’s how Alice enters and exits Wonderland herself. It turns out to just be a big ol’ random hole. Which is ridiculous, of course. That ridiculousness is compounded by Randy running to enter an emergency code into the door and not having it work, and look-

The thing about escape rooms is that they all have to adhere to fire safety codes. While the doors ahead of you are typically locked or barred the ones behind you always have to remain open as an emergency escape. Even in the one scenario where I had to get out of a locked cage they provided a way of quickly exiting for safety reasons.

But that’s enough about that.

While “And the Escape Room” fails at actually presenting a believable escape room it does passably in other areas. The primary conflict is a decent one, with Max having overcharged Caroline $25 on the rent for the past four years. On top of that there’s the continuation of Sophie and Oleg trying to have a baby, which gets a fair amount of the spotlight, and the rest of the cast getting some much-needed screentime.

While the two plotlines never really diverge, given Sophie’s participation in their escape room, they do ultimately collide when the amorous couple literally breaks the floor, interrupting our titular characters’ heart-to-heart. It’s all decent stuff with some generally pretty funny moments that I’ll explore further below. I imagine that it’ll work just fine for many, but that anyone who’s actually played an actual escape game themself will have their immersion broken almost immediately.

Current Total: $110.

New Total: $174.35. No clue how this happened. Caroline was given $25 [it was actually just $12] of hush money by Earl to literally hush about Max stiffing her, but there’s a lot more than that here.

The Title Refers To: I shouldn’t have to explain this, it’s about as straightforward as it gets. See the blog post I linked to way up above for a a breakdown on how they actually work.

Stray Observations:

• “Curry in a Hurry” is actually a great name for an Indian takeout place.
• “Wow, we have more visitors than a mildly attractive prostitute at Comic-Con.”
• Caroline is bad at fist bumps in a way that is at least as funny as Baymax botching them in Big Hero 6.

• “Everyone takes a little off the top, look what God did to Han!”
• “No, I have a rule, 20 warnings then it’s a dead issue.”
• “Got me a Choco Taco!” Oh Earl, they finally give you lines but they’re so bad.
• “Caroline C. from here says: ‘Max has been overcharging me $25/month for four years.” / “That sounds made up.”
• “This looks like the room I was kept in when that trucker borrowed me for three days.” I have not missed these thinly veiled rape jokes.
• “Now let me get this straight, y’all are volunteering to be locked up in a tiny room. Now that’s some white people stuff right there.”
• There is this running gag about how Oleg puts his legs in the air to turn lovemaking into babymaking, and they managed to not show it while still skirting around it just enough to make you wonder. Legitimately hilarious stuff.
• “I’m feeling angry, scared, and both of Max’s boobs.”
• The hardcore porn version of Alice in Wonderland that Sophie and Oleg watched was called Alice in Underpants, which I thought was weird because the Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Comedy is an actual porn parody released in theatres that made a whole bunch of money.
• “Y’all know I’m 80, right?”
• I totally got that riddle about Arnold Schwarzenegger having a long one and Michael J. Fox having a short one before Caroline did.
• “It’s that beautiful moment where you and I are gonna make a baby right in front of your coworkers.”
• “Oh, that’s why his leg’s up in the air.”
• Pop Culture Put-Downs: Paula Deen in Dancing With the Stars